Excerpt from Barbara the Slut and Other People by Lauren Holmes, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

I was sure my mom was fine but my chest felt tight. I picked up my book to distract myself but I couldn't read. I felt like I should eat something but I wasn't hungry. Finally I did the kind of breathing my doctor taught me to help me sleep at night, where you breathe in and breathe out and you don't think about anything else, which I now know is called meditation. It never worked that well for me but I didn't know what else to do. I thought I should call Martin, but I didn't have his number or know where he lived.

Instead I called Dana from the phone in the office. I hoped it cost a million dollars.

"Hello?" said Dana. "Lala!" I had woken her up. "Did you do it?"

"What?"

"Did you tell her?"

"What? No. I don't even know where she is."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I don't know where she is. I think she's at her boyfriend's house. But she never came back last night."

"Oh my god, Lala, that's horrible."

"It's fine," I said. "I'm sure she'll be home any minute."

"God, I hope so," she said. "Are you going to tell her when she gets back?"

"Yes," I said. "Of course, I'll tell her right away."

"Are you being sarcastic?"

"Not at all," I said. "Maybe I'll hide in the kitchen and when she comes in I'll jump out and shout, 'I'm gay!'"

"You're being sarcastic."

I told Dana I had to go. Even when I found my mom, I wasn't going to tell her. Maybe I would tell Dana that I did it and that my mom and I both cried, and my mom told me she knew all along and she loved me no matter what. I didn't think it would count as lying because it didn't really matter if my mom knew or not.

I hung up and dialed my grandpa in Mexico City.

• • •

I heard the office door open a little after nine, and I heard my mom's sandals on the stairs. I went into the living room as she opened the door to the apartment.

"Baby," she said. "I didn't think you'd be up."

"Where were you?" I said. I didn't want to touch her but I gave her a hug because I wanted to feel that she was okay.

"I stayed at Martin's. I thought I would get back before you got up."

"I got up really early," I said. "I had no idea where you were."

"Oh baby," she said.

"I thought something bad happened to you on the way back last night," I said.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm really sorry. Let me make you something to eat."

She went into the kitchen and started cutting up fruit and I went into the bedroom and started packing my bag.

When I went back to the kitchen she said, "What do you want to do today, baby? Do you want to just lie on the beach? You're so pale."

"That's because I thought you got murdered," I said.

"Oh Lala, are you really that upset about it? I wouldn't have left you if I knew you would worry, but you're a big girl, I thought you'd be fine."

"I wasn't fine," I said. "I think I might go to Grandpa's."

"What? Why?"

"Then you can hang out with Martin as much as you want."

"I only saw him when you were sleeping, baby. I didn't think you would care."

"And at dinner. And you said you were coming right back."

"Okay," she said. "I won't see him again while you're here. I'll take you to Acapulco. We'll go to the beach and we'll go see the cliff divers."

"I told Grandpa I was coming."

"You called him?" She started to cry.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I was mad."

She cried and cried and I looked at the ceiling.

Finally I felt too bad and said, "Maybe we can go to Acapulco before I leave."

She looked up. "Yeah?"

"Sure," I said. "It's on the way."

Excerpted from Barbara the Slut and Other People by Richard Holmes. Copyright © 2015 by Richard Holmes. Excerpted by permission of Riverhead Books. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.