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by Veena Dinavahi
As a teenager, Veena Dinavahi was the kind of daughter most parents would kill for. She was heavily involved in extracurricular activities and thriving in her coursework—even taking upper-level calculus classes by the age of 15. It seemed obvious that she would have a bright future. But in the wake of a classmate's suicide, Veena became gripped by a crushing depression that would last into her college years, and she ultimately tried to take her own life multiple times.
When traditional therapy didn't cure Veena, her desperate mother's Google searches led her to the blog of a woman whose son had been suicidal. That woman pointed Veena's mother toward Bob Lyon, founder of the True Happiness Company, who she believed had saved her son's life. (The name of the group and its leader have been changed; the author opted not to identify them in this book.) When Veena's mother reached out to Bob through his website, he told her to bring Veena to his Georgia home immediately for an urgent intervention. The author of a series of self-help books, Bob had no formal psychological training, but Veena felt helped, at first, by his unorthodox treatments. Unlike trained mental health professionals, Bob held his clients in his arms like babies, told them he loved them, and dictated their every decision. Buoyed by his praise and support, Veena entered into an all-encompassing therapeutic relationship with him that would shape the next decade of her life. He would tell her whom to marry, encourage her to drop out of college, and isolate her from her family. She became a True Happiness Company success story, until she reached a breaking point and realized she had to leave.
In the book's afterword, the author writes: "My goal in writing this book was to take the reader on a journey as closely as possible to how I first experienced it unfolding in real time—which is to say, for it to be confusing, ambiguous, and almost impossible to see the patterns and power dynamics at play while in the thick of it. Throughout this story, I've inserted my analysis as sparsely as possible in an attempt to preserve that ambiguity and disorientation I felt." This technique is extremely effective in giving the reader a glimpse into how a smart, savvy person could come under the control of a charismatic cult leader. We see in Veena someone who is skeptical but also desperate for answers and healing. She feels like something is deeply wrong with her that goes beyond the standard psychological diagnosis of situational depression. So when Bob—a man with no certifications or training in the field—tells her she has borderline personality disorder and she can't make good decisions without his guidance, she believes him. What teenager doesn't feel like they are uniquely messed up? And to someone raised all her life to be "good" and obedient, Bob feels like a genuine authority figure, someone who should be obeyed.
Although Veena does at times question Bob's teachings, she is often encouraged to continue following them by the other people in her life. Bob encourages her to befriend other women in True Happiness–focused discussion groups and conference calls. He urges her to marry her college boyfriend, performing the ceremony in his own home, and Veena's husband in turn becomes Bob's biggest fan. When they fight, he calls Bob and makes Veena talk to him until she appears to calm down. Interestingly, Veena's husband never fully buys into Bob's doctrine himself, but he seems to like the fact that the group's approach keeps Veena docile and agreeable.
It can be easy to wonder where Veena's parents are in the midst of this. What kind of loving parents let their teenager get sucked into a cult? It's important to note that Veena's parents watched helplessly as their teenager repeatedly attempted suicide, and Bob's teachings do seem to help Veena heal, at least at first. Bob also discourages Veena's mother from insisting she call regularly, telling her too much contact will damage the parent-child relationship. On the outside, Veena—who's been taught to suppress her negative emotions—does appear to be thriving, so it's easy to see how her parents simply think their daughter is busy and happy.
The author has since gone on to study psychology at Columbia University in an effort to figure out how she fell for True Happiness, and she includes her insights in the fascinating afterword. The bottom line is that people should never fall into the trap of thinking they're too smart, savvy, or successful to be manipulated: "Maybe you won't wind up in a virtual self-help cult headquartered in the middle of nowhere Georgia, but whether at the hands of an abusive romantic partner, a questionable mentor, or an overly tight-knit company, we are all susceptible to some degree because we all share the same basic need for belonging."
But another lesson of this story is that it's never too late to start again. Through her own resourcefulness and strength, the author has finally found true community in the form of closer bonds with her family, a loving relationship with her children, and a large network of new friends. This time, her happiness is the real thing.
Book reviewed by Jillian Bell
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