We all recovered, but before i left in a car service with Aven, my mother looked me in the eyes. it was a severe look, not cold but strict, the way she sometimes looked at me when i was small and had lied or cheated or hit ethan.
i remember it because i felt guilty, although i wasn't sure why. She closed her eyes, then she opened them, and in a calm low voice said, "i'm sorry you were unsettled, maisie, but i'm not sorry i made him. There are more dreams, i'm afraid, and they must out." She smiled sadly and escorted us down to the waiting car.
i can still see her as she turned away from us. i wish i had filmed her then. it's beautiful out there by the water with the view of the Statue of Liberty, but it was desolate, too, bleaker then than it is now, and the sight of my mother striding away from us toward the brick building under a big cloudy sky made me feel that i was losing her. i used to feel that way after i said goodbye to her at my summer camp. And thenit was just a minor thingi noticed that she was letting her hair grow, and it looked like a small wild bush on top of her head.
Excerpted from The Blazing World by Siri Hustvedt. Copyright © 2014 by Siri Hustvedt. Excerpted by permission of Simon & Schuster. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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