Shepherd Armstrong Knacker
Merrill Lynch Account Number 934-23F917
December 01, 2004 December 31, 2004
Net Portfolio Value: $731,778.56
What do you pack for the rest of your life?
On research trips -- he and Glynis had never called them "vacations" -- Shep had always packed too much, covering for every contingency: rain gear, a sweater on the off chance that the weather in Puerto Escondido was unseasonably cold. In the face of infinite contingencies, his impulse was to take nothing.
There was no rational reason to be creeping these halls stealthily like a thief come to burgle his own home -- padding heel to toe on the floorboards, flinching when they creaked. He had double-checked that Glynis was out through early evening (for an "appointment"; it bothered him that she did not say with whom or where). Calling on a weak pretense of asking about dinner plans when their son hadn't eaten a proper meal with his parents for the last year, he had confirmed that Zach was safely installed at a friend's overnight. Shep was alone in the house. He needn't keep jumping when the heat came on. He needn't reach tremulously into the top dresser drawer for his boxers as if any time now his wrist would be seized and he'd be read the Miranda.
Except that Shep was a burglar, after a fashion. Perhaps the sort that any American household most feared. He had arrived home from work a little earlier than usual in order to steal himself.
The swag bag of his large black Samsonite was unzipped on the bed, lying agape as it had for less drastic departures year after year. So far it contained: one comb.
He forced himself through the paces of collecting a travel shampoo, his shaving kit, even if he was doubtful that in The Afterlife he would continue to shave. But the electric toothbrush presented a quandary. The island had electricity, surely it did, but he'd neglected to discover whether their plugs were flat American two-prongs, bulky British three-prongs, or the slender European kind, wide-set and round. He wasn't dead sure either whether the local current was 220 or 110. Sloppy; these were just the sorts of practical details that on earlier research forays they'd been rigorous about jotting down. But then, they'd lately grown less systematic, especially Glynis, who'd sometimes slipped on more recent journeys abroad and used the word vacation. A tell, and there had been several.
Resistant at first to the Oral B's jarring cranial buzz, at length Shep had come to relish the slick of his teeth once the tedium was complete. As with all technological advances, it felt unnatural to go backward, to resume the fitful scrub of splayed nylon on a plastic stick. But what if Glynis went to the bathroom when she came home and noticed that his blue-ringed toothbrush was missing, while hers, with the red ring, still sat on the sink? Best she didn't begin this of all evenings with perplexity or suspicion. He could always take Zach's -- he'd never heard the kid use it -- but Shep couldn't see swiping his own son's toothbrush. (Shep had paid for the thing, of course, along with pretty much everything here. Yet little or nothing in this house felt like his. That used to bug him but now just made it easier to leave the salad spinner, the StairMaster, and the sofas behind.) Worse, he and Glynis shared the same recharger. He didn't want to leave her with a toothbrush that would last five or six days (he didn't want to leave her at all, but that was another matter), its weakening, terminal shudder providing a soundtrack for his wife's lapse into another of her periodic depressions.
So having unscrewed the wall mount only a turn or two, he tightened it back down. Restoring his own handle reassuringly to the recharger, he scrounged a manual brush from the medicine cabinet. He would have to grow accustomed to technological regression, which in a manner he couldn't quite put his finger on was surely good for the soul. Something about backtracking to a stage of development that you could understand.
The foregoing is excerpted from So Much for That by Lionel Shriver. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced without written permission from HarperCollins Publishers, 10 East 53rd Street, New York, NY 10022
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No Man's Land
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Inspired by the experiences of his grandfather, J. R. R. Tolkien, during World War I.
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