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Cathryn Conroy

Valuable Tips on How to Parent Grown Up Children Without Conflict (or Shut Up and Wear Beige)
When my oldest child was engaged to be married, a dear friend asked me, "Do you know the most important job for the mother of the groom?" I eagerly replied, "Do tell!" She quipped, "Shut up and wear beige." After I stopped laughing, I realized that this is spot-on advice for not only being the mother of the groom, but also being the mother and mother-in-law of grown children male or female. Keep your opinions to yourself unless you are asked and stay in the background.

Even if you are blessed with a good relationship with your grown children and their spouses as I am, there will still be times of conflict. That is the point of this book by Jane Isay: Tips on navigating these relationships now that everyone is an adult and you, the parent, have lost your parental authority. We all must learn and master new roles, and this can be tricky at times. After all, when we experience conflict with our grown-up children, it can be unnerving at best and extremely hurtful at worst. Our advice is not appreciated and can even be resented. So parents must relearn how to parent.

Most of the book's advice is given through real-life examples of parent/grown child relationships, some of which are nearly off the rails but most of which are very solid with just some bumps of conflict. How these various conflicts started, what happened during the conflict, and how the conflict was resolved—or not—is the crux of the book. Some readers may find this quite helpful, especially if they see themselves in one of the examples, but others may not find value in something that doesn't mirror their own situation. Still, there is value in realizing you're not alone, as well as that others have it far worse than you do!

Some of what you will learn in this book is:
• How to foster a peer relationship between the generations with love and understanding. This requires more change and growth on the part of the parents than it does on the grown children.

• How to better communicate with your grown children, especially when they aren't living up to your expectations, hopes, and dreams for them.

• Find out THE most difficult task for parents of adults, but if you can do this and you are almost ensured of relationship success.

• Find out a lot more, including how to deal with divorce, stepfamilies, the challenges of giving/loaning money to grown children, and those emotion-packed holiday get-togethers.