Fathers. Gay Sons. Silence.

Fathers. Gay Sons. Silence.

This article relates to When the Harvest Comes

The night terrors began when Davis Freeman was five years old, after his mother died of lymphoma. While he lay in the dark, his body felt like straw. His screams, catastrophic and haunting, echoed throughout the house, prompting Davis's father, the Reverend, to sprint into his room to comfort him. To tell him it was okay. To dry his tears and pin his body in place even if that meant slapping him to erase the terrors.

Davis cuddled into his father's chest and eventually his normal breathing pattern steadied his pulse. He was relaxed, though fatigued and emotionally drained. All would have been well if not for how Davis, in an impulsive moment, kissed his father's lips.

Davis and his father are fictional characters in Denne Michele Norris's debut novel When the Harvest Comes. Yet their struggle to understand each other mirrors many gay sons and fathers who opt for absence in lieu of communication and healing.

According to sociologist Michael Kimmel, an expert in the field of male sex roles, the perception of gayness being a threat to manhood hovers around masculine and feminine ideals: "To be gay is to be powerless, weak, unable to break free of Mommy, and these characteristics are incompatible with real manliness."

After Davis tenderly kissed his father's lips, his father pushed him away: "Disgusted, he peeled Davis from him as though he was someone other than the scared and grieving child he actually was. The Reverend stood from the bed and went to close the door. 'Go back to sleep, boy. Under the covers. Now.'" When Davis began to cry, the Reverend said, "None of that."

"A boy growing into a gay man will get the message loud and clear that he is weak, dirty, and, perhaps worst of all, less than a man," explains Dr. Kimmel. The disapproval of fathers is hurtful to gay men. "[D]eep down they yearn for their fathers' love and approval, but fear disappointing them by not being the man they expected them to be."

The overarching point that many sons receive from their fathers is that homosexuality and masculinity are opposites. You must choose one, preferably what the father chose. When sons admit they are gay, the expression upon the faces of their fathers can be overwhelming, and in the black community, it is often devastating.

As Michael LaSala of Rutgers University says he found in a study he conducted, upon coming out, white gay boys are told by their parents, "You have everything going for you – and now this!" While black parents tell their sons, "You have everything going against you as a black man. This is one more strike against you."

The study, "African American Gay Youth and Their Families: Redefining Masculinity, Coping with Racism and Homophobia," authored by LaSala and Damien T. Frierson (Howard University), was published in the Journal of GLBT Family Studies and focused on "gay black males, ages 19 to 25, and their families." It illustrated the powerful dual oppressors of racism and homophobia. According to LaSala's research, young black men feel the pressure to be seen as strong black men regardless of sexual orientation. They are charged with fighting racism while simultaneously being exposed to hypersexual images of themselves through advertisements, social media, and television.

Referring to her concern about expectations in her community, a black mother in the study told LaSala, "…being a man does not mean you sleep with other men…Being a man means you have a woman and you procreate and continue the family name."

In families similar to Davis Freeman's, a gay son is met with revulsion. Norris writes of the immediate reaction of the Reverend when he spied Davis and his high-school lover: "He thought he might throw up in his mouth so he backed away from what he saw. He stalked through the kitchen and the downstairs hall and…went downstairs to his office, where he pulled a bottle of whiskey from his desk and poured several shots into a tumbler…"

Many fathers raising sons who identify as queer, like Davis's father, are present but unavailable. Gay men abandoned by their fathers may be more emotionally detached, more insecure, more prone to addiction, and more likely to find themselves in toxic relationships. LaSala emphasizes the importance of fathers' participation in family discussions and their sons' lives. What is hopeful as time moves forward is the many stories of fathers who don't want to lose their gay sons. Consider what one concerned father wrote on a message board: "The boy is afraid of me and it is my fault. I am to blame. I want to make it right."

Filed under Society and Politics

This article relates to When the Harvest Comes. It first ran in the June 4, 2025 issue of BookBrowse Recommends.