Excerpt from Change by Edouard Louis, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

Such scenes of childhood suffering are among the most banal and predictable that there are, we've all seen them a thousand times in books and films, and yet they were among the ones that hurt me the most.

* * *

It was always the same: two pupils were chosen to form opposing teams. The gymnasium smelled of plastic, the shiny floors gave off a violent and sickening odor that mingled with the smell of sweat. The two who'd been chosen to form the teams, almost always two boys, took turns saying a name, and when someone's name was called they had to line up behind the one who'd called it.

* * *

The group with everyone who hadn't been chosen got smaller and smaller, the bodies around me disappeared. In the end, when I was the only one left, when my name was the only name that hadn't been called, one of the two captains shrugged and sighed, "Okay then, Eddy," and I could feel the others' disappointment at having me on their team, I could feel all their eyes on me.

It wasn't not being chosen that hurt, but being seen by the others as the one who hadn't been chosen. Often when I joined the group that had been forced to take me someone would whisper, "Homo on board we're toast." The adult who was supervising our class would pretend not to have heard.

That scene was repeated detail for detail, almost without variation, several dozen times during my childhood.

The same tone of voice, the same disappointment when it came time to say my name.

* * *

Another thing I didn't tell you is why I refused to go skiing with the rest of my class. Every year the school organized a week's skiing for students in year 8, practically for nothing, just fifty euros or so, and even that could be covered by social security. Hardly a family in the region could afford a ski trip, for most of the kids it was the only time in their lives they'd go on holiday, the only chance they'd get to leave the damp cold of northern France for a few days.

Excerpted from Change by Edouard Louis. Copyright © 2024 by Edouard Louis. Excerpted by permission of Farrar, Straus & Giroux. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.