Excerpt from History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

"The battery hatch snaps off easily and children can't seem to keep them out of their damn mouths," the woman says. She isn't talking to Theo anymore. She's talking to an equally unhappy dude her age who can't figure out an R2-D2 alarm clock.

"Okay, then." Theo salutes her, and we walk away.

We stroll for a few minutes. (Six, to be exact.) "Are we done here?" I ask. It's hot, and I'm melting, and we've definitely seen that some of the treasures are way pricier than they legally should be.

"Hell no, we're not done," Theo says. "We can't leave emptyhanded."

"So buy something."

"Why don't you buy me something?"

"You don't need that lightsaber."

"No, stupid, buy me something else."

"It's safe to assume you're buying me something too, right?"

"Seems fair," Theo says. He taps his dangerous watch. It is actually for-real dangerous, as in it's not safe to wear. I'm not even sure how or why it got made, because its sharp sundial hands have scratched unsuspecting people's bodies—mine included—enough times that he should throw it in a fireplace and kill it dead and then sue the manufacturer. He wears it anyway because it's different. "Let's meet at the entrance in twenty minutes. Ready?"

"Go."

Excerpted from History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera. Copyright © 2017 by Adam Silvera. Excerpted by permission of Soho Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.