Excerpt from Queen Bees & Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

Summary |  Excerpt |  Reading Guide |  Reviews |  Readalikes |  Genres & Themes |  Author Bio

Queen Bees & Wannabes

Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends & Other Realities of Adolescence

by Rosalind Wiseman

Queen Bees & Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman X
Queen Bees & Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman
  • Critics' Opinion:

    Readers' Opinion:

  • First Published:
    Apr 2002, 352 pages

    Paperback:
    Mar 2003, 352 pages

    Genres

  • Rate this book


Buy This Book

About this Book

Print Excerpt


My family is against me so I have to turn to this boy. [I need to] realize what I have done to myself and wake up.

Jesse, 15

They've told me that I'll never be anything and have compared me to people they don't like or people who have done wrong in the past. I hate that.
Carla, 14

I don't have great friends and I could see them getting me into trouble. But they accept me for who I am and my parents don't.
Jill, 14



Developing Your Girl Brain

Parents tell me that one of the hardest things they have to accept is that as their daughters get older, they have less control over which people they hang out with. They hate admitting that they won't be there when their daughters face the difficult decisions that could impact their health and safety. When your daughter was little, she came crying to you when there was a problem and you swept in like a white knight to solve it. Now, you're lucky if you even have a clue what the problem is, and if you sweep in to save the day instead of teaching your daughter how to handle it, she'll either be angry with you for intruding or believe she can't learn to take care of herself. How can you help her? Start by thinking the way she does.

In this book I will teach you to develop a girl brain. It's like looking at the world through a new pair of glasses. Developing this ability isn't dependent on using the latest slang (and it's impossible to keep up anyway). The key to building your relationship with your daughter is understanding why she's turning away from you and toward her friends, and maintaining a relationship with her anyway. And even though she may be acting as if you aren't an important influence in her life, you are—she just may not want to admit it. If you can learn how to be her safe harbor when she's in trouble, your voice will be in her head along with your values and ethics.

The first step is to understand what your daughter's world—the Girl World—looks like, who has power, who intimidates her, whom she intimidates, where she feels safe, and where she doesn't. Where and when does she feel comfortable and with whom? Who does she go to for advice? What common things can ruin her day or make her feel on top of the world? An even harder task is to assess her. What is she being teased about? Why are other children mean to her? Or even harder to admit, why would she be cruel to others? What would make her lie or sneak behind your back? Get inside her head, and you'll understand where she's coming from.

It helps to remember what it was like to be your daughter's age. Remember your experiences, the role models (both good and bad), and the lessons learned from your family, your school, and your culture. Suspend the worry, the common sense, and the wisdom you have accumulated over the last years. Think back to what you were like and what was important to you back then.


Remembering the Lunch Tray Moments

Let's go back to middle school (are you suppressing an involuntary shudder?). Parents, teachers, and other adults are telling you what to do. They're especially telling you what you can't do. You have a close group of friends, but for some reason one of your best friends comes up to you between classes and tells you that one of your other friends is spreading rumors about you. Your face feels hot; you can feel everyone looking at you. Thoughts race through your head. What did you do? Why is she mad at you? Are your friends going to back you or side with her? All of a sudden, a question drives an icy stake of fear through your heart as you stand there clutching your orange plastic lunch tray in the cafeteria line: Where are you going to sit at lunch?

Can you remember what it was like? Not too pleasant. As adults, we can laugh at how immense and insurmountable problems like those "Lunch Tray Moments" can feel when you're young. But in Girl World they're vital issues, and to dismiss them as trivial is to disrespect your daughter's reality.

Excerpted from Queen Bees & Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman Copyright© 2002 by Rosalind Wiseman. Excerpted by permission of Three Rivers Press, a division of Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.

Membership Advantages
  • Reviews
  • "Beyond the Book" articles
  • Free books to read and review (US only)
  • Find books by time period, setting & theme
  • Read-alike suggestions by book and author
  • Book club discussions
  • and much more!
  • Just $45 for 12 months or $15 for 3 months.
  • More about membership!

Join BookBrowse

and discover exceptional books
for just $3.75 per month.

Find out more


Top Picks

  • Book Jacket: Moth
    Moth
    by Melody Razak
    On August 15, 1947, India gained independence from the United Kingdom, and on that same day the ...
  • Book Jacket: All the Lonely People
    All the Lonely People
    by Mike Gayle
    Mike Gayle's charming novel All the Lonely People introduces us to Hubert Bird, an 82-year-old ...
  • Book Jacket: Perish
    Perish
    by LaToya Watkins
    It's a commonly cited fact that many perpetrators of sexual abuse, particularly men, are victims of ...
  • Book Jacket: Afterlives
    Afterlives
    by Abdulrazak Gurnah
    Afterlives, from Nobel Prize winner Abdulrazak Gurnah, begins in late 19th century East Africa in ...

Book Club Discussion

Book Jacket
The Ways We Hide
by Kristina McMorris
From the bestselling author of Sold On A Monday, a sweeping tale of an illusionist recruited by British intelligence in World War II.

Members Recommend

  • Book Jacket

    Natural History
    by Andrea Barrett

    A masterful new collection of interconnected stories, from the renowned National Book Award–winning author.

  • Book Jacket

    The Family Izquierdo
    by Rubén Degollado

    A masterful debut that weaves together the lives of three generations of a Mexican American family bound by love, and a curse.

Who Said...

Not doing more than the average is what keeps the average down.

Click Here to find out who said this, as well as discovering other famous literary quotes!

Wordplay

Solve this clue:

Y Can't G H A

and be entered to win..

Your guide toexceptional          books

BookBrowse seeks out and recommends the best in contemporary fiction and nonfiction—books that not only engage and entertain but also deepen our understanding of ourselves and the world around us.