I do consider Ram to be abusive, whether or not this was the author’s intention in portraying him as an alpha male of means in a culture of male domination. My reading is that she certainly wanted to highlight the cultural aspects without suggesting that all men of that culture are like Ram. But Pival’s ultimate exoneration of Ram, and her self-blame for not resisting him, made me wonder whether or not Franqi actually saw behavior like Ram’s as abusive, or fully understood what an abusive relationship really is. In my unfortunate personal experience, forgiveness of a dead, abusive husband is possible — but not the kind of exoneration Pival exhibits (“He did his best”), or the blaming of oneself (“If only I had spoken up...”). Pival’s real-life counterpart knows very well why she didn’t speak up— or try to leave.
The line between an unhappy marriage (or other relationship) and an abusive one is a matter of fundamental respect for the other person as a separate human being, not as an extension of your own desires, intentions and public image. The person with an abusive personality feels entitled to control every aspect of the victim’s life as much as his or her own, and is deeply affronted and threatened when the victim challenges this, even unknowingly. Ram clearly saw Pival and their son in this way, and gave them reason to fear the consequences of challenging that. Ram’s abuse was emotional and verbal, intended to demean Pival and cause her to distrust her own judgment and worth, enough to keep Pival in line without escalating to physical abuse. His son distanced himself to avoid a confrontation that could have become violent, it seems; both Pival and Bhim relied on subterfuge as a survival strategy as well. That is a major warning sign that you are in an abusive relationship: that you have to hide your honest thoughts, feelings and desires, not only because they may conflict with the other person’s, but because that person won’t hesitate to punish you for having them. Pival’s isolation from other people, even family, Ram’s dismissal of her own servant, and finally even her son, is another warning sign—the abuser doesn’t want the victim in situations or relationships he can’t control. Ram’s economic and cultural context aided him in that he could hire servants to run his household and report to him, in effect acting as guards over Pival as his property, and no one would see her seclusion as abnormal. His wife wasn’t expected to be active in a career or other pursuits outside the home, unlike Bhim.
We don’t see Ram in scenes that reveal what is implied by his worldly success, his faithful servants, and his role as occasional host: abusers are aware of what they are doing. They know exactly when and where they can lash out and get away with it, and to the world they present themselves as charming, gracious, sociable. That is how they find their victims.