What's your opinion about sharing family history, especially with pre-teens? Should you be honest with children, especially about family tragedy?

At the start of the book Dieu Lan begins sharing her story with 12-year-old Huong. What's your opinion about sharing family history, especially with pre-teens? Should you be honest with children, especially about family tragedy?

I think sharing family history is so important. How else can we learn except from that which came before us to prepare us for what lies ahead. Of course, I believe that certain topics have to be approached in an age appropriate manner.

I agree with christineb. Age appropriate sharing, developed as time passes gives a child a connection and stable base in this world. It has always mystified me when people hide the past from their children. For example I believe Madeline Albright was already a national figure when she learned of her family’s tragic WWII history.

We all want to share family history with our children in an age appropriate way but then the rubber hits the road. We also as parents if we’re honest with ourselves want to shelter our children from the harsher realities of life.

I agree with the above comments. It’s important to share history with our kids in an age appropriate way. They don’t need to be kept in the dark but some topics are better shared when the person is more mature.

It's an interesting subject to be sure.
As I have gotten older and started getting to know my mom on an adult level (I am 37 and she is 62) it's interesting how my history has changed.
My mom kept a lot of her family history and dynamics to herself for most of my childhood and as a result I was able to form my own relationships with my family members which, looking back, I really appreciate.
It does feel strange to become an adult and really feel into all that was really going on for my family while I was busy being a child. I am grateful to know my history better now, and certainly my mom would tell me tales my Irish immigrant great grandparents that always felt like a really crucial part of my identity.

I appreciate how this book balanced the line of sharing and not sharing. The part where she finds her moms diary was so good to me. I think most of us can relate to having a moment where we find out a things about our family privately.

I agree with christineb. Age appropriate transparency with our children builds trust - as a father of two adopted children I've seen other families that avoided talking about the past thinking they were protecting their children only to lose their children's trust when they discoverd the past on their own.

I agree with everyone that family history should be shared. However, I think adults need to take into consideration the maturity of younger generations. It is common for parents to feel kids grow up too fast or are exposed to too much too soon, but that has probably been true in every generation; stories should not be held back on the basis of what an average middle grade/ early teenager knew decades ago.

Certainly agree with everything that has been said here, but also if not shared and comes as an absolute surprise there could be other consequences.