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Find Me


The author of the worldwide bestseller Call Me by Your Name revisits its complex...
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Discuss Find Me by André Aciman:
Do you believe Oliver's expectations of his relationship with his wife were naïve? Do you think it's possible for a relationship to grow over time the way Oliver expect his to mature?

Created: 08/31/20

Replies: 7

Posted Aug. 31, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 2288

Do you believe Oliver's expectations of his relationship with his wife were naïve? Do you think it's possible for a relationship to grow over time the way Oliver expect his to mature?

In New York, Oliver muses that he thought marriage would bring him closer to his wife, and that he'd turn over a new leaf. Later he felt that they'd reignite their passion after their children left home. Neither occurred. Do you believe Oliver's expectations of his relationship with his wife were naïve? Do you think it's possible for a relationship to grow over time the way Oliver expect his to mature?


Posted Sep. 02, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
laurief

Join Date: 09/08/12

Posts: 56

RE: Do you believe Oliver's expectations of his relationship with his wife were naïve? Do you think it's possible for a relationship to grow over time the way Oliver expect his to mature?

Oliver never forgot about his relationship with Elio. I would have to assume this was a barrier to having a serious or long-term heterosexual relationship with his wife. The question would be, did Oliver believe he could? It is possible, but it would be a difficult journey.


Posted Sep. 05, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
debra

Join Date: 09/02/20

Posts: 7

RE: Do you believe Oliver's expectations of his relationship with his wife were naïve? Do you think it's possible for a relationship to grow over time the way Oliver expect his to mature?

Yes, I do believe it is possible for a relationship to grow over time; however, Oliver was a homosexual man in a heterosexual relationship. So, yes, he was very naive.


Posted Sep. 08, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
viquig

Join Date: 06/25/14

Posts: 41

RE: Do you believe Oliver's expectations of his relationship with his wife were naïve? Do you think it's possible for a relationship to grow over time the way Oliver expect his to mature?

Yes, relationships can grow over time and a couple can become closer. I don't think Oliver was naive to hope for increased closeness with his wife. However, in some relationships the irritations and dissimilarities between a couple become larger. In these cases, time can create greater distance between the couple. This appears to have happened in Oliver's marriage.


Posted Sep. 08, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
AmberH

Join Date: 05/09/18

Posts: 39

RE: Do you believe Oliver's expectations of his relationship with his wife were naïve? Do you think it's possible for a relationship to grow over time the way Oliver expect his to mature?

I think Oliver tried to make his relationship with his wife work, but I'm left with the impression both of them knew it wasn't destined to be. Presumably, Oliver had been distant in their relationship for many years, if not the entire time they were together. It seemed Oliver wanted the relationship to work, but his heart just wasn't in it.


Posted Sep. 10, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
terriej

Join Date: 07/28/11

Posts: 270

RE: Do you believe Oliver's expectations of his relationship with his wife were naïve? Do you think it's possible for a relationship to grow over time the way Oliver expect his to mature?

I think Oliver's idea was naive. Relationships can grow, but one needs to start that relationship free from still being involved emotionally in a previous relationship.


Posted Sep. 11, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
dorinned

Join Date: 10/13/14

Posts: 128

RE: Do you believe Oliver's expectations of his relationship with his wife were naïve? Do you think it's possible for a relationship to grow over time the way Oliver expect his to mature?

Relationships definitely grow over time, but it takes work. Both parties must want the relationship and treat it and the other party with love and respect. With Oliver's homosexual relationship with Elio in his past, he may not have been devoting himself entirely to his relationship with his wife.


Posted Sep. 16, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
taking.mytime's Gravatar
taking.mytime

Join Date: 03/29/16

Posts: 190

RE: Do you believe Oliver's expectations of his relationship with his wife were naïve? Do you think it's possible for a relationship to grow over time the way Oliver expect his to mature?

I don't think that Oliver was naive about his relationship with his wife. He expected the things that all married couples wish for. However being bi-sexual one sex was bound to win out. It might have taken years, but some of that time may well have been trying to live up to his responsibilities. Then once the children were raised and gone, he felt enough release of responsibilities to seek out who he believed he really loved.


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