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The Narrowboat Summer


From the author of Meet Me at the Museum, a charming novel of second chances.
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Sally says, "it's sometimes harder to endure the everyday than it is to cope with a big trauma"? Do you agree? What do you make of her reasons to end her marriage?

Created: 02/11/21

Replies: 13

Posted Feb. 11, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 2475

Sally says, "it's sometimes harder to endure the everyday than it is to cope with a big trauma"? Do you agree? What do you make of her reasons to end her marriage?

When Sally's hairdresser asks why she is divorcing Duncan, she replies, "it's sometimes harder to endure the everyday than it is to cope with a big trauma." What do you think she means? Do you agree? What do you make of her reasons to end her marriage?


Posted Feb. 12, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
kimk

Join Date: 10/16/10

Posts: 487

RE: Sally says, "it's sometimes harder to endure the everyday than it is to cope with a big trauma"? Do you agree? What do you make of her reasons to end her marriage?

I do agree. Sometimes just going from day-to-day, enduring the same old problems, becomes a real grind - emphasis on the word "endure." With big traumas, especially those that are shorter term, many people kick into emergency mode and are consumed by solving the problem at hand. Generally, too, traumas have an end in sight while just knowing an everyday problem isn't ever going to get any better can really wear you down.

That said, I know people who've ended marriages for similar reasons. Until you walk in their shoes, you really can't say whether their decision was a good one or a bad one.


Posted Feb. 12, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
beckyd

Join Date: 07/31/19

Posts: 31

RE: Sally says, "it's sometimes harder to endure the everyday than it is to cope with a big trauma"? Do you agree? What do you make of her reasons to end her marriage?

I totally do. I agree with kimk: the trauma is more short lived, helped along by the adrenalin! Day to day can definitely drag you down.
I feel for Sally. But even after she leaves, she continues to mull over her options. Even when all is said and done, sometimes you just know in your heart of hearts, when something is not going to work.


Posted Feb. 13, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
sherryk

Join Date: 07/29/20

Posts: 10

RE: Sally says, "it's sometimes harder to endure the everyday than it is to cope with a big trauma"? Do you agree? What do you make of her reasons to end her marriage?

I am on the fence here. Depending on the trauma, sameness can be a harbor, a safe place in the storm. I felt less empathy with her situaation than I did with the others. However, when preceded by her statement 'sometimes harder to endure' I agree wholeheartedly.


Posted Feb. 13, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
carolt

Join Date: 03/25/17

Posts: 88

RE: Sally says, "it's sometimes harder to endure the everyday than it is to cope with a big trauma"? Do you agree? What do you make of her reasons to end her marriage?

I do agree. The day to day can simply wear a person away, while a big trauma can give her something to live for. On the other hand, I felt less empathy with Sally than the others. Her "day to day" was really a case of boredom, not endurance.


Posted Feb. 13, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
sherryk

Join Date: 07/29/20

Posts: 10

RE: Sally says,

CarolT., You said it so much better than I. Her day to day was a case of boredom, not endurance. There are times in any relationship that are more like stagnation, a lack of activity and/or growth. Generally, a deep abiding love and affection will weather this time...unless you give up as Sally had and did.


Posted Feb. 14, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
gwenc

Join Date: 07/14/12

Posts: 57

RE: Sally says, "it's sometimes harder to endure the everyday than it is to cope with a big trauma"? Do you agree? What do you make of her reasons to end her marriage?

For me, the trauma I've endured threw me into automatic pilot. I got through it and only allowed the impact into my emotions until the crisis had passed. The day in, day out hum drum is what seeps into you until you take a stand and change things. I applauded Sally. She really didn't have a marriage as such. I felt bad for her when she realized her hairdresser really didn't understand and the world might not share her perspective.


Posted Feb. 14, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
katherinep

Join Date: 07/16/14

Posts: 276

RE: Sally says,

I totally agree--in time the affect of a trauma, as a rule, diminishes, even if, in many cases it does not go away. There may be times that the trauma or its memory come back but it is not usually a 24/7 -365 burden. Though boredom may not seem, to some, a condition that is endured, it is ennervating and mentally and emotionally, even sometimes, physically harmful. It can in time erode love and caring for a partner, especially if there are no changes in the relationship in sight. At that point, staying is harmful to the bored, to the partner, too and leaving may be the only thing that is possible. Sallie's husband seems to have realized, after her absence, that he, too, has been unhappy to a point and is more positive in his own outlook regarding his future.


Posted Feb. 14, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
catherynez

Join Date: 01/27/18

Posts: 48

RE: Sally says, "it's sometimes harder to endure the everyday than it is to cope with a big trauma"? Do you agree? What do you make of her reasons to end her marriage?

I agree with the above responses. The day to day endurance can just wear you down. It all depends on the situation. I can see where Sally could have so much mental and emotional wear from a chronic situation that she would say she’s had enough. Sometimes, at that point if you get away from the situation for awhile both people can see the problems more clearly. Then, they can either work towards fixing the problems and staying together or realizing they should divorce. A trauma is usually a more finite situation. Also, trauma is recognized by everyone involved that it’s a problem. In some daily wear down situations, one person ( usually the man) thinks everything is ok or is ignoring the problems until the other person has had enough.


Posted Feb. 14, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
elise

Join Date: 04/22/11

Posts: 79

RE: Sally says, "it's sometimes harder to endure the everyday than it is to cope with a big trauma"? Do you agree? What do you make of her reasons to end her marriage?

I agree with the comments about the day to day wearing you down. I feel this more recently then ever with COVID-19 and living in Cleveland, Ohio during the winter (cold and no sun). It can get to be such a grind and it feels like there is no end in sight. That being said- if the trauma involved one of my children- I would have to strongly disagree. That’s not something I’d even want to contemplate.


Posted Feb. 16, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
flute4u

Join Date: 08/14/13

Posts: 45

RE: Sally says, "it's sometimes harder to endure the everyday than it is to cope with a big trauma"? Do you agree? What do you make of her reasons to end her marriage?

I am in agreement with the previous writers, but I would also add that you can fall out of love with your mate after many years . The inability to change, grow, try new things, listen and respond to a your partner can be game changers. Sally made the decision to leave before the opportunity to become a caretaker for Number One.


Posted Feb. 25, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
paulagb

Join Date: 08/16/17

Posts: 129

RE: Sally says, "it's ...

The day to day can be humdrum and as several have noted the marriage dies of boredom. When divorce was impossible to get most people just lived with boredom. It is far easier now to leave a relationship than to try to rejuvenate it. Whether moving on or working on a relationship is best is a personal decision, but with collateral fallout, both in the family and to society.


Posted Feb. 26, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
gvieth

Join Date: 02/26/21

Posts: 7

RE: Sally says, "it's ...

I do agree. I know someone who is a caregiver to her husband with Alzheimers and it’s the day to day not being able to live your life like you’re used to that is so draining and not seeing a light at the end of the tunnel can be soul-sucking.


Posted Feb. 26, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
sherryk

Join Date: 07/29/20

Posts: 10

RE: Sally says, "it's ...

a very daunting and provoking question...similar but dissimilar....we agree, but don't agree, stick around or run...that is the question...so many questions


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