Virginia remarks that turning 50 was a freeing experience, that she no longer cares what other people think about her actions. Do you think it's true that we care less about others' opinions as we age?
Created: 06/02/22
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While I think it’s very dependent on the individual, I do think the tendency is for the filters to lower. While I truly am less concerned by other's opinions of me, that doesn’t lessen my sensitivity to cruelty. I am very sturdy in my convictions, know my own mind and experiences and have the details to back up my statements and beliefs. However, I am also not sure if it is that one no longer cares as much what other’s think, as much as it is a loss of perspective on how harsh the words or opinions come across when spoken. My mother was just short of 96 years old when she passed, and while she was always a “ shoot from the hip”, kind of person, it wasn’t, until her later years that she tended to voice the same opinions in a much more brutal way. She always taught us to speak carefully and she always did and perhaps even in her twilight years she still was tempering her words to the best of her ability at that time.
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I hope so! I just turned 60 and although I have always been fairly independent, I also dislike confrontation. So if you don't like what I am wearing etc, I could care less. If, however, I don't like behaviour I am not very likely (yet?) to confront you, I would probably walk away. I hope I will become braver in that respect!
I used to work with people with mild dementia and sometimes we would be shocked at what came out of their mouths, sometimes it was funny, sometimes mean, but it always seemed to be blunt and truthful, and I respected that.
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I love all the little references to aging and the different ways the characters deal with it -
Virginia's sister Christine said that aging can be a glorious freedom and that one day it will become our oppressor but until that happens it is our liberator. I feel that as I age I become more comfortable with who I am and more accepting of it. I no longer feel the need to work hard in front of others to present myself as someone they will like admire - what you see is what you get.
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RuPaul said (yes I am quoting RuPaul) "What other people think of me is none of my business." I think that is super freeing. I believe as we get older we realize that the many things we worried about when were younger are not as important as we suspected when it comes to how we are perceived by others. We learn that it is more important to be your authentic self than what others want or believe you to be.
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What other people think of me does not define me. I am not driven to seek approval for my opinion and behavior. During our tween, teen, twentysomething and thirtysomething...we were seeking opinions and behaviors to help establish our identity. For some it was established earlier for others later in life. Being a part of a group, fitting in, being popular is very important. Success in school and in one's professional or home life is also defining. With age, along with our continued growth and development, confidence, conviction and wisdom play a role. I remain confident and importantly respectful to others...I do expect the same in return. I guess it is as Virginia describes... a freeing experience to a certain degree.
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