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The Nest
A funny and acutely perceptive debut about four siblings and the fate of their...
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Do you feel that the bond of family trumps all? Is it possible to rebuild trust once it has been broken? Are there some bonds that can become stronger than those of family?

Created: 03/26/17

Replies: 12

Posted Mar. 26, 2017 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 1318

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Do you feel that the bond of family trumps all? Is it possible to rebuild trust once it has been broken? Are there some bonds that can become stronger than those of family?

Do you feel that the bond of family trumps all — including behavior? Do you think it's possible to rebuild trust once it has been broken? Why or why not? And are there some bonds that can become stronger than those of family?


Posted Apr. 02, 2017 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Navy Mom

Join Date: 04/12/12

Posts: 183

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RE: Do you feel that the bond of family trumps all? Is it possible to rebuild trust once it has been broken? Are there some bonds that can become stronger than those of family?

A family bond can be strong, but betrayal within a family can also be much more hurtful because you are expecting unconditional love and it isn't always there. Having a shared experience growing up, the same parents, and an intimacy of problems within a family can make a strong bond, especially if they have had to work through things together. But betrayal can be so much more painful also because of that.


Posted Apr. 02, 2017 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
kimk

Join Date: 10/16/10

Posts: 279

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RE: Do you feel that the bond of family trumps all? Is it possible to rebuild trust once it has been broken? Are there some bonds that can become stronger than those of family?

I definitely don't think the bond of family outweighs other bonds. My relationship with my husband is by far the most important bond I have. Also, the relationship I have with my best friend is much stronger than my bond to my mother or sister.

Navy Mom mentions betrayal as something that can disrupt the bond of family. In my case, it's more that the bond never fully formed. I moved away at the age of 18 and didn't really stay in touch. As a result I've never felt particularly close to my family.


Posted Apr. 02, 2017 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
audrey1

Join Date: 09/02/13

Posts: 20

RE: Do you feel that the bond of family trumps all? Is it possible to rebuild trust once it has been broken? Are there some bonds that can become stronger than those of family?

I think it depends upon the family involved. I have friends who are best friends with their siblings even after their parents have died. On the other hand I know people who are pretty much estranged from their grown siblings or parents. In order for a breach to be healed, it is important for each side to accept the other, give yourself the right to establish boundaries and just decide to get along. In the case of a Leo, the story ended positively . I mean that in the sense that the other siblings decided to just accept Leo for who he was and give themselves the right to establish clearcut boundaries about what he needs to accept from the others. And not feel guilty if you say no


Posted Apr. 02, 2017 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
vivianh

Join Date: 11/14/11

Posts: 18

RE: Do you feel that the bond of family trumps all? Is it possible to rebuild trust once it has been broken? Are there some bonds that can become stronger than those of family?

The bond of family does NOT trump all. I have friends and my spouse that I would rely upon before my sister. I do believe that one must accept people for who they are. I accept my siblings as they are; however I am not convinced that I will maintain a relationship with my sister after my father is gone. She is selfish, ciniving, raised her children to be disrespectful and greedy, and I have no use for them.

While I agree that it is possible to rebuild relationships, I'm not convinced it is always the healthy thing to do.


Posted Apr. 02, 2017 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Lois Irene

Join Date: 01/20/16

Posts: 33

RE: Do you feel that the bond of family trumps all? Is it possible to rebuild trust once it has been broken? Are there some bonds that can become stronger than those of family?

This is such a great question and one that drives so much of the book. I don't think that family trumps all when certain family members don't conduct themselves in ways that show respect for the family. In this book the mother is not involved in a loving and meaningful way with her adult children. She has moved on to a new marriage and life.
Leo puts himself ahead of his family with his use of the loan, losing respect and causing hurt among his siblings. He pays a great price, although he doesn't know it, in that he misses out on the life of his daughter.
Had Leo been willing to pay this loan back to his brother and sisters, they may have been willing to forgive, but he valued his money more than family relationships. His deceit may have been more difficult to forgive than the loss of the money itself.


Posted Apr. 03, 2017 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
susiej

Join Date: 10/15/14

Posts: 57

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RE: Do you feel that the bond of family trumps all? Is it possible to rebuild trust once it has been broken? Are there some bonds that can become stronger than those of family?

I think the answer to this questions rests with whom one considers to be family. In the world we live in today, that often means individuals to whom we are not blood related. With family often separated by time and miles, family becomes those who support us in our daily endeavors, who have our backs, who will stand up for us - and in actuality, that is usually a pretty small number of people. Francie, for example, though in New York and near her children, appeared to be uninterested in most of their lives. Leo, of course, was not one to support his siblings - he clearly did not have their backs. As the novel progressed, we watched the family actually grow by the sibling acceptance and support of Leo's girlfriend and child. Family does trump all - in the end, family truly means those individuals who will support and stand by us - not necessarily blood relations.


Posted Apr. 03, 2017 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
wendyf

Join Date: 05/11/11

Posts: 20

RE: Do you feel that the bond of family trumps all? Is it possible to rebuild trust once it has been broken? Are there some bonds that can become stronger than those of family?

I personally do not think that family trumps all. Over my lifetime, I have had different people who may have been closer than family. I've seen this in other people's lives as well. In my family, I do think there is a family loyalty however if there were something unethical or illegal going on by any of us, I think there would be at the very least questions for the person doing these things. Depending on the severity, there could be very real repercussions.


Posted Apr. 04, 2017 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
aleksandrae

Join Date: 02/25/14

Posts: 40

RE: Do you feel that the bond of family trumps all? Is it possible to rebuild trust once it has been broken? Are there some bonds that can become stronger than those of family?

To me the bond of family is the most important connection there is. That being said, in order to have such a bond it must be nourished from generation to generation. My family forsakes their own immediate happiness to come to the aid of each other when needed. My mother and sister would, and have, dropped everything to help me and vice versa. The strength of the bond I have with my own family is not evident at all within this family unit which is always heartbreaking. Rebuilding broken trust seems like a very difficult task as one would always be on guard to be disappointed again.


Posted Apr. 09, 2017 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
sharonj

Join Date: 01/26/17

Posts: 3

RE: Do you feel that the bond of family trumps all? Is it possible to rebuild trust once it has been broken? Are there some bonds that can become stronger than those of family?

My parents instilled in me a strong connection between family members that I have passed onto my children. It is a bond driven by love and an expectation that family will be there to not only for support when needed but to share special times together.These bonds exist through intentional nurturing and ongoing traditions. The term family is not limited to those with genetic connections, but those that reach out and maintain this special bond.


Posted Apr. 10, 2017 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
joanr

Join Date: 04/25/12

Posts: 35

RE: Do you feel that the bond of family trumps all? Is it possible to rebuild trust once it has been broken? Are there some bonds that can become stronger than those of family?

The bond of family does not trump all for me. Family bonds are very important to me, but I have strong bonds with many others, specifically my husband and my dearest friends. I like to think that trust can be rebuilt once it is broken, but many variables can intervene such as personalties and the severity of the incident.


Posted Apr. 11, 2017 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
jeanniet

Join Date: 06/20/13

Posts: 27

RE: Do you feel that the bond of family trumps all? Is it possible to rebuild trust once it has been broken? Are there some bonds that can become stronger than those of family?

Absolutely you can rebuild trust once it is broken. Families hurt each other all of the time and strong families know that it is the family unit that is most important and they forgive and move on. It is never to late to get forgiveness from someone and if you are family you are more likely to be able to carry on relationships. If you are just a friend, it is likely that you won't be able to rebuild the relationship.


Posted May. 04, 2017 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
scottishrose

Join Date: 07/24/11

Posts: 38

RE: Do you feel that the bond of family trumps all? Is it possible to rebuild trust once it has been broken? Are there some bonds that can become stronger than those of family?

Obviously not in regard to Leo. For the other three siblings they do grow over time and learn to have real relationships with each other in the end when the money is no longer standing between them. Stephanie and her daughter seem to take the place of Leo in the family dynamic. Leo could have gone a long way in rebuilding trust with his family by paying back at least some of the money. Instead he lied and kept them dangling until he ran out on all of them. So, I guess I would say yes it is possible to rebuild trust, but not always. Everyone has to participate honestly for that to happen.


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