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This Must Be the Place
An irresistible love story for fans of Beautiful Ruins and...
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Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

Created: 07/20/16

Replies: 17

Posted Jul. 20, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 1318

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Rosalind's theory

Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?


Posted Aug. 01, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
kimk

Join Date: 10/16/10

Posts: 279

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Rosalind's theory

This might be my favorite quote from the book. I hadn't thought about it before, but I do agree. I've long been convinced that my first marriage wouldn't have broken up had we both talked more about what we were feeling.


Posted Aug. 01, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
crofly

Join Date: 06/14/13

Posts: 29

Rosalind's theory

I agree with the quote, but I would expand it to relationships in general. It is understood that people can say hurtful things in the heat of the moment. So that wouldn't end it. It would be the lack of an apology. When the other person can't express they still care for you, that would end it.


Posted Aug. 01, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Lois Irene

Join Date: 01/20/16

Posts: 33

RE: Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

I think that toxic words spoken in a relationship can be very damaging. On the other hand, not saying words of love can also hinder intimacy. I think that his statement may be more about inaction versus action.
While Daniel's action of leaving his family for so long was very harmful, it was his inaction regarding making things right after he realized how badly hurt Claudette was that was his near downfall.


Posted Aug. 01, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
gailk

Join Date: 08/01/16

Posts: 3

RE: Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

I agree that failure to express feelings can greatly hinder a relationship and erode intimacy. Ah, but those words spoken in anger or from a hurting place.... They can never be taken back. I guess I'd rather hold back rather than risk harmful words.


Posted Aug. 01, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Tired Bookreader

Join Date: 08/19/11

Posts: 70

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RE: Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

Marriage is never easy and finding a good balance between mates is never equal. Communication is not always verbal and neither spouse ever truly knows the other. Events before their meeting will rarely be discussed, conversations get stifled by reactions from the spouse, lack of interest can end any discussion.


Posted Aug. 01, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Tired Bookreader

Join Date: 08/19/11

Posts: 70

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RE: Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

Marriage is never easy and finding a good balance between mates is never equal. Communication is not always verbal and neither spouse ever truly knows the other. Events before their meeting will rarely be discussed, conversations get stifled by reactions from the spouse, lack of interest can end any discussion.


Posted Aug. 02, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
marymargaretf

Join Date: 09/05/11

Posts: 33

RE: Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

This was one of my favorite quotes as well. I think that Rosalind's additional words bring it into the balance the above words need: "All you have to do now is work out what it is." And that is the key.


Posted Aug. 03, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
leahm

Join Date: 07/16/14

Posts: 9

RE: Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

This is a variation of something someone once told me "that no decision is a decision". Interesting way to look at things in our lives. Each choice along the way brings different results no matter which way we turn.


Posted Aug. 03, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
joyces

Join Date: 06/16/11

Posts: 392

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RE: Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

There is a lot of truth in that quote but there is the other side that there are an awful lot of things one should not say. I think we have all bitten our tongue a few times so as not to say something that would or could only cause pain to your partner.


Posted Aug. 04, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
JAKL1

Join Date: 12/06/12

Posts: 55

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RE: Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

I agree with this statement for any relationship. It is also really relevant in this day in age of technology.
The every day life of emails, phones, and texts do create more communication, but it can also get interrupted in many different ways. Sometimes in relations things maybe said but somethings the said things are not listened too. I.e."When did you tell me that?" :)


Posted Aug. 07, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
lynnw

Join Date: 09/01/11

Posts: 124

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RE: Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

I think this is so true. Sometimes a simple thank you or I'm sorry can make a world of difference in a relationship.


Posted Aug. 07, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
nancyh

Join Date: 06/25/13

Posts: 147

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RE: Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

I have not had a personal experience with, but I agree that nothing stays hidden forever and unsaid things will come to light. I believe marriages can fail because of this. Maybe it depends on how strong the marriage is.


Posted Aug. 08, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
JLPen77

Join Date: 02/05/16

Posts: 130

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RE: Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

It is a wise statement that I think holds true for all significant relationships. It isn't license to say whatever we want to, without regard for hurting. I think marymargaretw hit the nail on the head: it's things like Thank you, I love you, I hear you, I am sorry.... especially I am sorry! Just as Daniel figured out.


Posted Aug. 08, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
joycew

Join Date: 06/13/11

Posts: 75

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RE: Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

This is a very wise belief. Communication is the key to many things. Words left unsaid can be very haunting when you can't say them anymore.


Posted Aug. 19, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Lauren

Join Date: 10/22/14

Posts: 1

RE: Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

In my marriage it was words that I wanted to hear that would have made me feel more loved and cherished that were not spoken. When the marriage began to fall apart and I mentioned this in counseling, my ex said he felt that actions speak louder than words. Not always.
In this book, I felt that Daniel should have been more honest with Claudette, without telling her the entire story, rather than allowing her to speculate and make assumptions about why he stayed away from her and the children.


Posted Aug. 20, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
barb23703

Join Date: 10/04/15

Posts: 53

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RE: Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

I do agree with this quote. So much can be misunderstood and escalated to what appears beyond repair, is someone doesn't try to open verbal communication. It can be uncomfortable or frightening, but a sign of maturity is being able to communicate when it is stepping into the unknown.


Posted Aug. 24, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
andreab

Join Date: 07/29/14

Posts: 71

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RE: Rosalind tells Daniel, "I have a theory that marriages end not because of something you did say but because of something you didn't." Do you think this is true? Has this played out at all in your own life?

This statement is so true. We often say things in anger that are so twisted and hurtful. The things that should be said make you vulnerable and our self-protection instinct keeps us silent. If we could only get past that initial fear, we could say the things that keep relationships together.


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