Crying in H Mart deals with caregiving for someone with a terminal illness and its aftermath. What do you think of the depiction of guilt and grief in this story?
Created: 03/03/22
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Crying in H Mart deals with caregiving for someone with a terminal illness and its aftermath. What do you think of the depiction of guilt and grief in this story?
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Her description was spot on. Grief and guilt are often felt together. One who loses another person looks back at all the good and bad that transpired between them. Michelle lost her mother when she was only 25. The memory of the ways she behaved in that relationship were pretty fresh.
Join Date: 04/26/17
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One example of Chongmi’s use of guilt really stuck with me. She told Michelle that because Michelle was an awful child that she had an abortion rather than risk having another rebellious child. Later in the book, Korean relatives told Michelle that her mother was afraid that having two children would make it too difficult to visit Korea. I thought Chongmi’s parenting methods were often cruel and am surprised that Michelle was able to get past the hurt to be there for her mom.
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As Michelle grew into her teen years, Chongmi's intense parenting began to feel overpowering, and Michelle reacted by rebelling and fighting for her independence. This is not an uncommon thing for mothers and daughters, and perhaps even more so for immigrant families who are seen as "other" by the people around them and who may feel a need to stick together to maintain their identity. I think that as Michelle matured, she and her mother would have come back together again in a more adult relationship, but unfortunately, Chongmi fell ill before that could happen naturally. It felt to me that this enhanced the feelings of guilt and grief that Michelle felt because her mother's illness came too early and suddenly in her life before she had been able to reconcile her conflicted feelings about her mother. Her depiction of the depth of her guilt and grief was heart wrenching and moving.
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I thought it was spot-on and very authentic. Everyone experiences grief differently and her closeness with her mother likely made it a deeper impact. Guilt is always interesting, survival guilt for the ones left behind. I hope that writing this memoir helped her process her guilt and grief.
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