Not Logged in.
Book Jacket
The Dry
Winner of the 2017 BookBrowse Debut Novel Award
Summary and Reviews
Excerpt
Reading Guide

Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

Created: 12/27/17

Replies: 20

Posted Dec. 27, 2017 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 1392

Expert

Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

Raco's wife says to Falk regarding his father, "Death rarely changes how we feel about someone. Heightens it, more often than not." Do you think this is true?


Posted Jan. 01, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
wincheryl

Join Date: 01/01/18

Posts: 1

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

Actually I think we can remember the good things and enhance our feelings regarding the death of a favorite person.


Posted Jan. 01, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
nancyl

Join Date: 04/21/14

Posts: 14

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

It's easy to regret some the things we feel we should've done while the person was alive, but I don't think it changes the way you feel about that person.


Posted Jan. 01, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
robertaw

Join Date: 04/20/16

Posts: 4

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

If it is someone we know personally I don't think death changes how we feel about someone---unless we learn something about them after their death that we didn't know before.


Posted Jan. 02, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
alwaysdaddygirl's Gravatar
alwaysdaddygirl

Join Date: 09/04/16

Posts: 44

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

Like the others mentioned, I feel that unless the death is personal and unknown information that proves to be reliable, it could change a person mind. However, I also feel that guilt can play a role as well. Guilt as being the last words spoken to the person was of anger or a person stop talking to someone about something that is can be seen as irrelevant now.


"Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do."
Steve Jobs
Posted Jan. 03, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
paulak

Join Date: 04/21/11

Posts: 26

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

Death changes the fact that you can never right a wrong, never express an apology, never "do over".


Posted Jan. 03, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
susiej

Join Date: 10/15/14

Posts: 118

Expert

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

I do believe that death rarely changes how we feel about those who pass before us - rather it seems to heighten the good feelings and memories we have of them. We may wish we had done some things differently with regard to them, but generally, I think the good filters in and persists. At least this has been my experience.

After reading barbf's posting, I want to say that I agree with her - I think that death does make us look more closely at relationships with those who have passed - in doing so, however, though we may see those individuals more clearly, or clearly as we believe them to be, it also allows us to forgive ourselves or them if this needs to be done. I guess what I am saying, in reflection, is that I believe that death allows us to be more accepting and forgiving.


Posted Jan. 03, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
barbf

Join Date: 11/29/17

Posts: 7

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

I think death causes us to look back and see relationships more clearly, and I think the longer ago the death the more clear we can see ourselves in those relationships. The emotional aspects seem to fade. I think this can clarify our positions with the deceased person, and bring closure - whether that is good or bad.


Posted Jan. 03, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
taking.mytime's Gravatar
taking.mytime

Join Date: 03/29/16

Posts: 48

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

I think our opinions change with additional information. I do not think that is only reserved for the living. You will probably hear less information about a deceased person, verses someone still living, so the chance to change your opinion, or feelings, would most likely be minimized, but given new information I do think your opinion could change. The problem would be your option to act on changes after a persons death. Your feelings could very well change, but the option to act on that change would not be possible.


Posted Jan. 05, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
lesleyf

Join Date: 05/14/11

Posts: 40

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

Well, it certainly does. Often after someone dies one hears stories one never heard in life. Sometimes that explains something we were unable to understand about them.


Posted Jan. 06, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Suzanne

Join Date: 04/21/11

Posts: 239

Expert

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

Probably that is true. Rarely being emphasized. My mother has been gone 20 years and during that time I have come to appreciate her. I had a struggle for many years. Yet with my dad, it has been the opposite. Not many problems with our relationship and I feel the same as before his death.


Posted Jan. 06, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
lynnw

Join Date: 09/01/11

Posts: 141

Expert

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

From my own experience I find that we tend to downplay the unpleasant memories about someone who has died regardless of the relationship. I had someone who was once close to me but did something cruel to me die very tragically. After many years I will occasionally think of him and it is only with sadness for all he missed in his short life.


Posted Jan. 07, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
stacyr

Join Date: 12/15/16

Posts: 7

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

No. I feel people after death is more likely to get more of a pass for whatever they lacked while living.


Posted Jan. 08, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
johnw

Join Date: 03/11/12

Posts: 39

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

I agree with barbf that death especially of a loved one or friend causes us to re-examine our relationship with the person without emotion that often clouds our thinking. It becomes clearer to see the role each person played in the relationship whether good or bad. This clarity may or may not change how we view the person after much reflection.


Posted Jan. 08, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Joni

Join Date: 11/04/17

Posts: 6

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

I've always heard people say, "Well, I don't want to speak ill of the dead" and SOMETIMES refraining from saying what they really think. So I feel people go softer on a person who has passed away even though inside their feelings about them may not have changed.


Posted Jan. 08, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Missys

Join Date: 10/24/17

Posts: 12

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

I agree that the actual death does not change how we feel about a person. Death does not change how a relationship was during life. True, feelings of all kinds can be heightened after death, but I do not think how you felt about that person before death changes after death (of course, additional information can change feelings).
I have seen this with my mom and her mother's death. Their relationship was difficult, to say the least. After my grandmother's death, my mother's feelings of longing for a loving mother were heightened, but it hasn't changed how she feels about her mother. Sometimes she talks wistfully about my grandmother, but she had those feelings in life as well.


Posted Jan. 08, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
JulieAB

Join Date: 07/16/13

Posts: 52

Expert

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

I don't believe that death changes how we view someone. We might forget some of the bad and remember more of the good about someone.


Posted Jan. 08, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
kimk

Join Date: 10/16/10

Posts: 291

Expert

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

I find that death softens my opinions about people. I had a contentious relationship with a friend's husband, for example, but I tend to think much more fondly of him now that he's no longer around, smiling at the way he used to tell jokes or sing cowboy songs around the campfire. My dad, too, I tend to remember in a more positive way than I think I did when he was alive.


Posted Jan. 09, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Suzanne

Join Date: 04/21/11

Posts: 239

Expert

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

Something comes to mind while thinking of perceptions when there has been a death—within a short period of time the departed becomes a pure saint! A few of my friends have been in mourning and the dead (usually husband) suddenly had done no wrong and was spoken of in glowing terms!


Posted Jan. 09, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
pennyp

Join Date: 03/22/12

Posts: 285

Expert

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

I don’t think that death totally changes how we feel about someone but I do think it is possible to discover things about a person after their death that allows insight. Also I think it may change your view of your part in the relationship with the deceased person.


Posted Jan. 09, 2018 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
ruthiea

Join Date: 02/03/14

Posts: 96

Expert

RE: Do you think it is true that death rarely changes how we feel about someone?

I agree that death usually allows us to dwell on the positive and set aside the negative attributes of the person. It may make us look back and wish either we had done things differently or wish they had done things differently.


Reply

Please login to post a response.