This is connected to the author's reason for using a non-linear narration of her story. When Linda is relating these events she is 37 years old. Still she has trouble accepting what happened to her, and she is still trying to explain to herself how and maybe why it happened as it did. She is not yet really comfortable accepting the reality of what she did or didn't do in connection to Paul's death. Before she can continue relating the events that morning/day of his death, she sidesteps the inevitable and looks at other events or places to blame for her inability to accurately assess what was going on, for her inability to say aloud what she suspected at the time. After so many years, she still carries guilt and has not forgiven herself. As a result, she turns to other events to prolong having to see again and admit what ultimately followed.