How does the secretive nature of domestic violence protect the perpetrator? How do the ideas of fear and shame hinder victims from seeking help?

How does the secretive nature of domestic violence protect the perpetrator? How do the ideas of fear and shame hinder victims from seeking help? Are there any other reasons the Brights might not have sought help for their situation?

As we saw with four women in this novel (Liz, Ilse, Jenna and Katy), the shame of what they have endured and the knowledge of the acceptable way to remedy through traditional law enforcement channels actually protects the abusers and ensures that the cycle will perpetuate. To actually come forward means putting them in the spotlight, often at risk for worse abuse while the situation is investigated. Such a sad, insidious predicament.

I agree with Paulak that the abused person is often afraid that if they report the abuse it will only make matters worse. I sometimes feel that the low self-esteem (usually caused by the abuser) of victims is what makes them believe there is something to be ashamed of. Because it is secretive and often no witnesses and/or physical evidence, the abuser can get away with the crime.

I agree with both renem and paulak when they state that those who have been abused often fear that reporting the abuse will often make matters worse. I want to believe, however, that in today's world, such beliefs are changing. Women who have been abused are beginning to speak out more honestly, without fear and shame, and they are being heard and treated more fairly. We can only hope this trend continues for all individuals in any and all abusive situations.

I agree that often times the abused are afraid to make the situation worse. To make matters worse, there is such isolation for Liz, Katy, and Ilse. It didn't help that the police were not "open" to helping them either.

Fear and shame. the victims think it is their fault. Something they did or said. A fault of theirs or a decision they made. There is no where to go for help. Only one cop and a helper cop and one medical person. Ilse did try to talk to her mother in law about it, but her mother in law shut it down.
My mother, who would be in her 80's if she were still alive, lived during the depression. Her uncle was sexually abusing her. She told her mom and her mom got mad at her, told her to stay away from him, which was impossible because the uncle lived with them. Her mother also told her not to tell her father because they had enough problems trying to save the farm and did not need that problem. She was 12. People just did not deal with these problems. They swept them under the rug.

As long as abhorrent behavior like abuse is kept in the dark, the perpetrator is safe from justice and it is utterly tragic for all. I can only imagine the pain of this type of abuse, and I do think that many victims feel it is their fault - probably because the perpetrator tells them that directly or indirectly, in order to detach from their conscience and wrong choices, in order to live with themselves. If a victim is subjected to this type of now mental/psychological/emotional abuse on top of the violence, one can imagine that they would take on the viewpoint that they are somehow deserving or at fault, and the shame of being abused is compounded with the shame of (the lie) that they are also the cause. Absolutely tragic and why it important to find ways to cause victims to feel safe to come forward, so their perpetrators can be brought out of the safety from justice that they do not deserve.