Do you agree with Becca's believe that "not all stories, not all feelings, were meant to see the light"? What kinds of stories do you think fall into, or should fall into, this category?

When Becca sees King and Reno exchange a look that indicates they are sharing a story that they will not tell her, she comforts herself by thinking that "not all stories, not all feelings, were meant to see the light" (291). Do you agree with this statement? Why or why not? What kinds of stories do you think fall into, or should fall into, this category? What does this statement suggest about how we can benefit from privacy? 

I actually disagree. I think one of the problems that veterans (and many other people who experienced trauma) is the secrets they keep. I believe our secrets keep us separate and wounded. I think that was the power the CO had over the soldiers. He knew their secrets and used his knowledge to manipulate them. I believe this is what kept them stuck, especially King.

I agree with bestmartin. Secrets can be very powerful and very dangerous. It is very rare that a secret remains secret for very long. When you share a secret you are giving someone a tremendous amount of power. Becca should give serious thought to what Ben.s reaction will be if and when he learns her secret from her or someone else.

Reene, also how can she really work on repairing her relationship with Ben when she's hiding things including why she waited so long to tell him about college.

I have to agree with the other posters, that it's incredibly rare that I think keeping a story or feeling hidden is a good idea. How can you expect someone to understand you if you hide part of yourself from them? I know any time I've tried to keep something from my loved ones it's come back & bit me in the butt!

bestmartin I don't know why Becca kept her college information from Ben for so long. It almost seemed like she was holding it back, so she would have another escape route. Do you think they will make it as a couple, considering the issues they are both bringing to the marriage?

Reene, I don't know. I'd like to think they can make. They've been through a lot together and it seems like they have a strong connection. Both of them need time to process all they've seen and leaned. Becca's leaving for college will help and than maybe they can try again in a clearer understanding of each other.

I have mixed feelings about this. Somethings are too traumatic to drag into the open but sometimes talking things out takes relieves the interior turmoil of a person. Holding things in is not always a good thing.

I do not agree. Some stories are pure evil. But "the light" needs some definition. To whom? How? Perhaps some stories need to be told to a professional, not the general public. The CO was someone who needed to be exposed to the authorities.

I do agree with Becca. I think stories and feelings should only be told if they are helpful, friendly, and won't hurt that person. Also it may not be your story to tell. I also agree that some stories and feelings need to be shared with a professional.

There are stories and feelings we all have that never see the light of day. I would venture to say that some are impossible to convey with mere words. It's why some authors resonate with our souls, they find words we cannot. This, unfortunately, was not one of those books for me, but I do think not all stories and feelings should be shared - especially with one's child (no matter how old).

I agree with melindah. Not all stories must be told. In this age of facebook and twitter, can we just keep somethings to ourselves? You might have a story , but not everyone needs to hear it.

Telling "secrets" is about trust and acceptance. If we learn that telling a secret or other information does not result in respect and kindness, we learn not share them. We do not share secrets that cause us to make decisions we don't want to make. Our hearts can tell us one thing, and our heads another. Until we decide what we want to do, we may not share.
I hope that some parts of this book are truly fiction, but knowing vets who are struggling, I see them do whatever they can to alleviate the pain. I may not ever truly understand what has caused their pain, but in this age of technology and sharing, I am learning about the horrors they lived and relive through. How do they share these secrets without harming relationships? How much can a relationship manage and still survive and thrive?

I agree that the decision to share is grounded in trust. I also know from personal experience (not as a war veteran) that there are certain awful experiences in my life that I would prefer not to see the light, that no good will come from bringing those stories into the world, no words can give them justice, and I am better off without subjecting those stories (and me as the subject of those stories) to the judgment of others. Maybe it all comes back to that theme of guilt that threads its way through The Heart You Carry Home. You feel guilty sharing, and then there are those that make you feel guilty for not sharing.

Having worked with veterans, I know firsthand how difficult it is for them to share some of their stories with those who have not experienced combat or life in a combat zone. This is exactly what I thought when King and Reno echange that look---this was a story that they could not share with soemone who had not been there. I see it now working with people affected by cancer---sometime people don't "get it" and it can be more hurtful/stressful to share than to keep it to yourself or share withsome who is lving that life. Do secrets build walls? Yes, without a doubt AND I also agree with kellilee-- there are times when sharing an experience, secret, feeling is not in anyone's best interest.

I think we live in a culture that overshares---social media has made it easy to share instantly and many times without thinking. One consequence seems to have been an expectation that everything has to be shared--that having private feelings, memories, experiences is harmful at worst, not beneficial at best. Becca's attitiude is one I agree with---contrary to cultural expecation, there are stories that are not meant for public consumption. Is her decision to keep her college plans a secret a bad one? In the context of healing her relationship with Ben, perhaps. In the context of wanting to own the feelings of accomplishment and not tie them up with her relationships, no.