Both Maria and her mother keep their emotions inside. How does this help them survive? How does it hurt them?

Both Maria and her mother keep their emotions inside. How does this help them survive? How does it hurt them?

Trapping the loss, betrayal, guilt and other harmful emotions inside allows the two women to do what is necessary--leave Italy, leave Guiseppe, confront a hostile future. Maria and her mother faced many hardships. Without being able to push the trauma aside, they would have been frozen and unable to move ahead. They would have ended up trapped in Italy. But pushing those emotions down created a rift between them that was difficult to overcome. It cut them off from each other and the world in a time when they were already in exile and imprisoned by circumstance.

Most immigrants leave family and friends behind. Those fleeing danger feel guilty about the ones who don't get out. They may have to do things that they feel are wrong to leave, and then to survive. This means that they have to hide emotions and keep secrets. This can alienate them from one another, often because they don't realize that they are experiencing the same things, and sometimes because closing themselves off is the only way to live with what has happened. This causes distance and misunderstandings, which can lead to anger and alienation.
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Their situation consisted of denial. Maria felt her mother blamed her and couldn't forgive her for her father's arrest. (Actually, Maria couldn't forgive herself!) Maria's mother had experienced so much loss by having to leave Italy and her husband, that she basically shut down. They loved each other but couldn't honestly share their feelings or express their love— again denial! It was sad.

Many immigrants leave family and friends behind especially if fleeing persecution and their guilt never leaves but it is rarely discussed or shared. But as Maria and her mother felt this was the way to succeed. But by not sharing with others in the same situation it is difficult to be in a supporting role to the other person aqnd they in turn can support you.

There was a huge mental distance between Maria and her Mother because each misunderstood each other. Maria thought her Mother blamed her for her Fathers captivity and Her Mother had past trauma. I don’t believe it helped them survive- it denied them each others love and sharing.

It's a great irony that we human beings having been given the gift of our minds seem to be unable to use them to express or share our emotions and deepest needs, desires and wants, many times shutting off ourselves from others. Maria and her mother illustrate this. Both had fears they were unwilling or unable to share about what happened in the past creating a wall between them. While there was pain in this, I think the author crafted this relationship to illustrate the importance of communication in having effective human relationships.

As others have noted, this may be a not unusual relationship with immigrant families who have suffered so much loss. It was very sad to see how they could not communicate when they so obviously needed each other emotionally.

This question made me think about survivors of POW and death camps who purposely try to shut off all emotions in order to simply survive. However, in the case of Maria and her mother there is what I will call a false sense that discussing past actions might create an irreparable rift. This often leads to the situation where someone regrets not clearing the air before someone passes on.

I think some families live with the belief that it is better to be stoic and not share all of our emotions. I was pretty much raised this way, so it was easy for me to understand when Maria and her mother did not share their emotions. I don't see that as needing a reason - I just see it as the way life can be, not as a real choice. This book made me wonder if this family perspective came from the days when my ancestors were new immigrants. I sometimes have been jealous of people who can share their emotions more easily. They take the risk of hurting one another but they also seem to have closer bonds.

The discussion is interesting about the need to hold emotions to survive and move forward. In todays world our emotions are all out there, endlessly discussed and soothed, so does that mean our children won't have the stoicism to move forward.

I felt so bad for Maria and her mother that they never really opened up to one another and shared their feelings for each other. I didn't judge them though, as they lived in a totally different world from me in which they had to keep emotions in check to survive. Sometimes when so much hurt is involved, it is just easier to keep your feelings at bay and not give in to them. I am the complete opposite of this, as I pretty much spew emotion about everything, but again, I live in a totally different world and have nothing to lose by doing so.

Keeping their emotions to themselves was one way Maria and her mother were able to cope with their situations. They were both carrying a lot of guilt and by not speaking about their feelings and emotions it enabled them to push those feelings in the background so they wouldn't have to deal with them. This definitely hurt their relationship.

As a daughter of the Greatest Generation, I saw many characteristics in the characters that I observed in my own parents. Theirs was a generation focused on survival. First, during the Great Depression and then World War II. Like my parents here in America, Annunziata was focused on survival. First she had to escape her childhood home, then she found herself in a challenging marriage (even though she acknowledged that Giuseppe was the love of her life), and she had to protect her daughter. Feelings? An indulgence she could not afford. She had to keep putting one foot in front of the other to stay alive and keep her daughter safe. And if she stopped to examine her feelings, she would probably fall apart, another indulgence she couldn't afford. Maria learned these behaviors from her mother, but she became strong, resilient, and determined in ways that were more "modern" than her mother. She assimilated into American culture, undoubtedly because she was younger when they arrived, and made her own way. But she was still stoic and accustomed to self-preservation through unemotional perseverance . . . just like her mother. With Eddies she learned about the emotional part of herself, though, and what unconditional love was like in action. That part of thes tory was achingly beautiful.