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The Ways We Hide


From the bestselling author of Sold On A Monday, a sweeping tale of an ...
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Arie calls Fenna a coward for leaving him when they were in their twenties. Do you agree with his assessment?

Created: 09/08/22

Replies: 19

Posted Sep. 08, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 3021

Arie calls Fenna a coward for leaving him when they were in their twenties. Do you agree with his assessment?

Arie calls Fenna a coward for leaving him when they were in their twenties. Do you agree with his assessment?


Posted Sep. 08, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
rebajane

Join Date: 04/21/11

Posts: 303

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

Unfortunately I do think she was a coward. I understand her fear of having and then losing a child but Arie deserved an explanation of her reluctance


Posted Sep. 08, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
gerrieb

Join Date: 09/03/19

Posts: 154

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

I think it was cowardly but I think it was more a product of immaturity and her PTSD. The distinction might be minor as she did him a disservice
and owed him an explanation. However, it seems throughout the book her reaction to her recurring stress of the stampede is to flee and turn inward.


Posted Sep. 09, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
shirleyv

Join Date: 04/29/22

Posts: 6

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

The whole "coward" scenario really didn't hold believable to me. She professed to love Arie, and then just ran with no explanation? Hmmm. The subsequent interactions between the two were initially weak as well, in my opinion.


Posted Sep. 11, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
marks

Join Date: 02/25/19

Posts: 79

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

The cowardly part was not giving him an explanation. She was entitled to make that choice, but the way she went about it certainly justify Arie's take on it.


Posted Sep. 12, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Janet Smith

Join Date: 07/28/14

Posts: 59

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

I do agree that Fenna was a coward in leaving Arie and telling him via a note. She should have told him in person and not leave in the middle of the night.


Posted Sep. 13, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
smallino

Join Date: 06/06/21

Posts: 41

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

I do! And I don’t think the author fully justices or explained this action. Not wanting children seems like something you could discuss!


Posted Sep. 13, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
kate

Join Date: 01/22/11

Posts: 79

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

I agree with the others, that her not telling Arie why she was leaving was cowardly. It seems like a conversation that they could of had and maybe dealt with the issue. I feel like she was just running away.


Posted Sep. 14, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
cindyb

Join Date: 04/14/20

Posts: 68

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

I also agree with the previous comments. Breaking an engagement with a note is like using a text message to end a relationship. It’s cowardly and disrespectful to the receiver.


Posted Sep. 14, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
lilc

Join Date: 04/10/17

Posts: 16

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

We are so quick to judge. Fenna is a complicated soul who experienced such trauma and loss. I believe she left the only way she could at that point in her life. How could anyone call her a coward?


Posted Sep. 14, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
joannev

Join Date: 04/14/11

Posts: 57

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

I agree with lilc! I can't imagine how anyone would deal with the trauma she suffered. And how does anyone know unless they too have had the same experience! So easy to judge!!


Posted Sep. 15, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
smallino

Join Date: 06/06/21

Posts: 41

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

I agree with the statements above. I don’t think coward is the right word. I think this was partially the authors problem in not spending more time defending her actions, or describing fenna’s emotional response.


Posted Sep. 15, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
laurap

Join Date: 06/19/12

Posts: 356

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

The cowardly part was not the leaving. It was not giving him an explanation .


Posted Sep. 15, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
linz

Join Date: 08/12/15

Posts: 111

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

I think that Fenna was afraid. She did not want to be talked out of her decision. But she was a coward to not put herself out there and fight for a life she wanted. A bit of a martyr and maybe she thought he'd come running after her. Or secretly she hoped he might.


Posted Sep. 17, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
susanr

Join Date: 04/14/11

Posts: 178

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

I don't think she was a coward for leaving but for the fact that she didn't explain it to him first.


Posted Sep. 18, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
teachlz

Join Date: 07/28/16

Posts: 50

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

I think this is a complicated situation. Fenna left for what she felt were her reasons at the time, and probably should have given an explanation. Later on, she realized that she was afraid and perhaps a coward.


Posted Sep. 25, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
christineb

Join Date: 10/13/11

Posts: 106

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

I don't think she was a coward. I think she was a young 20 year old woman who did not understand the ramifications of decisions that could be permanent. I think we all make decisions that at the time seem right but turn out to be life altering.


Posted Sep. 26, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Navy Mom

Join Date: 04/12/12

Posts: 290

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

I don't agree with Arie, I believe that Fenna was staying true to who she was, staying with Arie would have been the easy way out. It's unfortunate that they didn't reconnect later, though, after Fenna had been on her own.


Posted Sep. 30, 2022 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
marys

Join Date: 05/24/11

Posts: 52

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

I'm not sure if coward is the best description for her actions. I understand why Arie would chose that word but I also think that Fenna was overwhelmed and thought leaving was the only answer. As with many decisions made unilaterally, it probably would have been best for all if she discussed it with Arie.


Posted 10 hours ago Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Missys

Join Date: 10/24/17

Posts: 44

RE: Arie calls Fenna a coward for ...

I don't think coward is the correct description. With all the trauma Fenna experienced as a child, I think the correlation of children and negativity is a very normal response for a young lady who's experiencing love for the first time.
Adults from traumatic childhoods often flee from any real connection until they deal with their trauma.
Coward is a harsh word, but Arie doesn't have the shared experiences to understand Fenna's reaction and her reason for fleeing would appear cowardly to someone who just doesn't understand.


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