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Picking the perfect companion

Back in the dark ages when I was dating, I had a friend tell me I had no standards when it came to men – that I'd date anyone. Now, that certainly wasn't true. I wouldn't, for example, date someone with poor hygiene or who professed to be an axe-murderer. I did have to admit, though, that my friend had a point, that I would date, well, pretty much anyone who'd ask me out. On further analysis I decided that this was not, as implied by this so-called "friend," an indication of loose morality, but was in fact an indication of strong character. It meant I didn't judge people too quickly; I got to know them a bit before deciding whether or not a relationship had any chance of working out. A valuable gem might lie just beneath a rough exterior. I was willing to take the chance of finding out.

I'm no longer free to date (I have a feeling my husband would disapprove), so I've had to find something else to feed this need I have to try new things. That "something else" is, of course, the world of books.  (Who knows? Perhaps it was my love of constantly exploring different kinds of books that led to my willingness to sample different kinds of men.)

Think about it – there are a lot of similarities between picking a mate and picking a book. Your eye may land on a handsome volume at random, or you may hear about a promising one through a friend whose taste you respect. You pick it up and take it home with you to evaluate further. The relationship might be fast and furious, or it may end up being something you savor, or - even better - a love that you return to again and again over the years. Or it may end up being a complete waste of time. You just never know until you investigate what's between the covers.

Relationships with books actually have some pretty compelling advantages over relationships with men. With books, it's always your choice if the liaison ends prematurely. You don't have to worry about the awkwardness of trying to avoid your discarded book should you bump into it in the grocery store. You can tell it, "It's not you, it's me" or even "You know, it actually IS you" without hurting its feelings. It will also never insist on an exclusive relationship, and no one will think ill of you if you love more than one. You can take one to bed with you the very first night you bring it home without your mother blinking an eye.

I seem to have a misplaced sense of loyalty toward the books I start. I know a number of readers who will stick with a book for fifty or a hundred pages, and if they're not impressed by that time, will unceremoniously discard it, never giving it another thought. I, however, end up feeling that even if I have my reservations, I need to give it a chance; it may improve on further acquaintance. I feel guilty if I don't struggle through to the end. Like most of the men I've dated, though, my initial impressions were correct, and the additional time spent struggling to enjoy the experience was time lost. Perhaps now that I'm older I should start developing higher standards... at least where books are concerned.

BookBrowse reviewer Kim Kovacs is an avid reader in the Pacific Northwest. All those rainy days give her the opportunity to enjoy a wide variety of books that span many genres. Browse Kim's reviews.

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That's great. I'm still laughing. I'm thinking about the men's version! Books never ask repeatedly how they look in their jacket. Books don't need the perfect flowers, a card and dinner on Valentine's Day. Books never have headaches. Books are never late leaving the house. Books don't know how to use credit cards. Books don't ask you to take out the garbage. I better stop!

John Mutter, Editor Shelf Awareness: http://www.shelf-awareness.com
# Posted By John Mutter | 3/2/09 1:32 PM
This is hilarious! As I AM still single and free to date, which I have been doing (and been greatly disappointed), I admit that you're completely right. NOTHING is as satisfying as a book, honestly. It's in your control, it's safe, and it's easily discarded if you don't like it. Sure, I've read some bad books, as I think we all have, but never as bad as a yucky boyfriend can make you feel. And don't judge me, but okay, you could call me a bit promiscuous with my books (shhh!!) - I go through so many. BookSwim.com's my savior, I use that and Netflix to keep me constantly entertained (since BookSwim is basically the Netflix of books and I get 3 for $10 bucks a month).

I also am trying to start a book group, which also, I might admit, may have the underlying purpose to scoop up a voracious reader-partner similar to myself. Ah, well, I guess I'm hopeless! ;-)
# Posted By ArdentArdi | 3/2/09 8:51 PM
Hilarious, hits the spot! It is great to have relationships which
one might absorb themselves, and no worry about waiting for
them. Books also follow you everywhere you go.

Donna West - Suite101.com contributing writer
# Posted By Donna West | 3/3/09 7:31 AM
Ha ha! Brilliant stuff!

Under that analogy I'm a bit of a goer! I'm currently checking out the dating competition on http://www.bookarmy.com, lots of recommendations from others...my question would be though - (under your analogy) if they are recommended by a lot of people, is that a good thing? Or a bad one?! I'm confused....I think I'm thinking about this a little too much...
# Posted By book lover | 3/3/09 8:11 AM
As a bachelor bookworm I relate to this piece all too well!!
It's easy , not to mention sane and safe, to go by my favorite
bookstore on Friday or Saturday night than my local watering
hole. I don't have any regrets the next morning about the
previous evening. Still I have hopes that I will meet Miss Right
as we both reach for the same title. Until then.....sigh....
Thanks for the laugh on a cold winter morning!
# Posted By Steve Walker | 3/3/09 8:23 AM
I made this list as a joke for my bookstore staff:

Ten Reasons Why Books are Better Than Boys


1 -You can read the same book twenty years later and still enjoy it.
2 -Books are always where you left them
3 -Books don’t get old – they become collectible.
4 -BUT – it is always acceptable to trade in your book for a newer edition.
5 -You can have as many books as you want and no one will say anything.
6 -You can (and should) share your books with your friends.
7 -If a book is boring, you don’t have to finish it.
8 -You only have to read when you want, if you want and how you want.
9 -You don’t have to get dressed up to read.
10 -You can read anywhere and it’s not illegal.
# Posted By Megan | 3/3/09 9:02 AM
Thanks for this! Books can be so much better than dating; they don't keep you warm or buy you dinner, but they also don't think your too fat or forget your birthday. That said...as I get older, I have been able to stop the guilt that comes from putting a book down before you finish. It's liberating and I highly recommend it.
Dana Barrett, Podcast Host & Book Lover - http://www.betterworldbooks.com
# Posted By Dana Barrett | 3/10/09 9:03 AM
You're all so funny. I don't think we should be analysing who we are as readers and comparing them to men and relationships. I love reading and cannot compare why i chosse to books to the men I choose. Why can't we have a love of both? And be mmore open in our own lives? I am 33 and really happy to stay home, have dinner with friends, read books and live life how I want rather than trying to find a man to date. Maktub :)
# Posted By Elana Bowman | 3/17/09 6:33 PM
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