Autumn Reading by Elizabeth Strout
Not long ago I awoke in the middle of the night and realized immediately that it had
arrived. The air, when I had gone to bed, was still faintly sultry, the air of evening that comes after a day of golden, soft sunshine. But when I woke in the dark I felt how the temperature had dropped, and the air smelled of autumn. It was like learning a secret, the rest of the city asleep around me, while I felt that I was the first to learn: autumn had come swiftly, quietly, to town. The moment was brief and delicious, and resonant with sudden memories and sensations
that pulled me back into the comfort of sleep, and when I woke it was still there, the edge of the chill, but even more – the faint smell of this change in the seasons.
It made me want to read.
There is much said about the "Summer Read," which suggests beaches and lounging and porches and hammocks. But this autumn, for the first time, it came to me that I seem to prefer to read in darkened, cozy places. I don't like to read on a beach. I like to read in messy coffee shops, or on subways (which, believe it or not, can sometimes feel quite cozy), I like to read at night in strange
hotels when it is raining outside, or in my own kitchen, late, as I eat peanut butter crackers. And now that it really is autumn and getting dark earlier, it seems the joy of reading has come to me as it came to me when I was a child: that sweet tugging on the senses, come here, come here. It is surprising. I would have thought -- I have always thought -- I am a person who likes to read, and the where and the when didn't matter.
Who knew?
Maybe it is because I am at a stage in life where my schedule is not as regulated by domestic needs as it was when I was raising a family, and all reading was done hungrily anywhere I got the time. Now – even while I still feel there is never enough time, never – I will pop onto the couch with a quilt, and tell myself, Oh, just fifteen minutes and I will get back to work, and then pick up one of the many open books lying around. The loveliness of this! The glory of it, as I snuggle down. Through the window, I see the low clouds of
autumn that seem to keep me blanketed inside and safe, while I read the stories of people who have felt this, lived through that, and I do not mind that winter will unfold its own carpet one of these days.
Elizabeth Strout is the author of
Abide with Me, a national bestseller and Book Sense pick;
Amy and Isabelle, which won the Los Angeles Times Art Seidenbaum Award for First Fiction and the Chicago Tribune Heartland Prize. In 2009 she was honored with a Pulitzer Prize for Fiction for
Olive Kitteridge, a collection of connected short stories about a woman and her immediate family and friends on the coast of Maine. She can be found online at www.elizabethstrout.com












I
have a friend who's a very famous author, and the other day I asked her, "What's
the first thing you wrote that you were proud of?" And she said it was her first
novel. Which is a beautiful novel, but it was written when she was in her
thirties. And I thought, What? Because the first thing I remember being
proud of (and I'm talking proud, proud) was a poem I wrote when I was
nine. It ended with the soul-stirring line, "The beauty enchantment now was
broke." I actually submitted this poem to a magazine (where it was promptly
rejected, needless to say).
I
have now written 19 novels, 2 collections of short stories, and 2 works of
non-fiction. And despite the fact that I have won awards for my books and have
been the grateful recipient of many glowing reviews, I have never felt the kind
of surety I did as a kid about anything I've written. I may love my work, but I
do not enjoy that deep seated confidence about it any longer. I've gone
wobbly on the inside. I suppose it's an indication of the fact that I have, at
least in some respects, grown up and become aware of the fact that book
publishing is a business and I am dependent for my livelihood on the opinions of
others. And I have become aware of the arbitrary nature of just about
everything, the way that the same object can be called black by one person and
white by another, and each person is positive they are right. But despite the
fact that I'm not as blindly self-assured as I used to be, I still feel a thrill
every time I turn a book in. There is still a breathless joy in waiting for the
response to the question, "Do you like it?" even when one knows the answer may
grievously wound the unprotected heart. I don't know, I guess I hope it will
always be that way.
I've spent the last decade teaching people how to pay attention, and it never ceases to amaze me how difficult it is to trust our own intuition about what matters most. Whether we're worried about our child's education or our next career move, we tend to stick with conventional wisdom rather than listen to our hearts.
In 2005, my husband and I decided to sell everything and leave our suburban American lifestyle behind in order to live abroad. The tricky part: we had four teenage daughters to usher through high school and into college. Most people
thought we were sabotaging our girls' education by yanking them out of perfectly good schools at such a critical stage of their lives. We had our doubts, of course, but we also had a hunch that this would be an amazing experience for our family and allow us to save thousands of dollars for college costs.


