Why do Emma and Dexter not get together earlier in their lives?

What keeps them from realizing how they feel about each other?

They both had a lot of maturing to do before they could be together. Emma was committed to causes while Dexter was committed to himself. Emma always knew how she felt about Dexter, although why is hard to understand. He was out and about "finding himself" and wasn't able to acknowledge the strong feelings he had for her until he experienced what he felt driven to do.

Emma always seems to be aware that Dexter is not "right" for her, though she does have moments of really wanting and needing him. When they finally do get together, I remember thinking "why now?" Perhaps more of us should spend more time as friends first. Who knows?

Why did they maintain their connection over all the years and eventually get together at all? I felt that if they had not just graduated and been leaving in different directions when they first met, any involvement between them would have run its course and ended before long. Either that, or Dexter would have excused himself the morning after, as he usually did, and would not have gotten involved. I think the fact that they were being parted so soon caused them to feel there was something unfinished between them, which caused them to maintain contact. I don't remember reading anything in their first encounter, or any other part of the book, that described any strong connection, attraction or spark. I think they finally got together because Dexter hit rock bottom and really needed Emma. Like others, I don't understand why Emma cared so much for Dexter.

I think they were fascinated by each other. Dexter loved Emma's understated beauty, her intelligence, her fierce attachment to following her own star, even if it meant suffering bumps and bruises along the way. Emma saw the man that Dexter could be, the good in him, but realized that he was hamstrung by his insecurities and regrets (once his mother died). Both were very immature, but they realized that once they matured, they would be perfect for each other. They were attracted to the best part of each other, and I think they kept up with each other because they knew it was a "not yet" kind of relationship. To get involved too soon would ruin something that in the long run would work out. When Emma describes their relationship as "We grew up together," she hits the nail on the head.

At first the circumstances seem somewhat against them. Then they go through long periods where one's more interested in the other. It just seemed like they both had to grow up and away from their definitions of who they are, class, ideals, etc. to find more common ground.

It is difficult to fathom what keeps Dexter and Emma together after their first night. However, it is apparent to me that Emma is head over heels in love with Dexter. Dexter, however, is narcissistic and in love with himself. That, along with his chemical dependency and sexual addiction make him the wrong person for a stable monogamous relationship. We can't help who we fall in love with and Emma is totally in love with Dexter. She 'settles' for Ian and those that follow. No one can come close to her heart except Dexter. Bonnie Brody

Dexter wasn't interested -- Emma was just one of many -- he just didn't have that priority. The comment that he fancied her but then again, he fancied pretty much any woman sums him up pretty well.

I think he was his best self when he was with Emma, and he knew that but didn't have the courage to live up to it. He interacted with Emma like he interacted with his mother; he loved both women dearly, and wanted to live up to their expectations, but he didn't have the courage (or at times, the self-respect) to do it.