Five Strategies to Cope With a Member
Who Won't Stop Talking  

A: We get asked a lot of book club related questions. Sometimes to answer them we turn to Facebook as our followers always come up with great answers. Here is their advice for addressing this tricky problem:

1: Have Rules

"Set and sign policies, including how many warnings you get before you get the boot." 

"Send a general note or email to the whole group with guidelines for the meeting spelled out in black and white. You would not have to mention any names, but just say that in the last few meetings the club has been straying and getting off topic."

"Have each member contribute and set a time limit for each contribution. If this works, maybe you can relax eventually."

"One thing I used (admittedly with a group of teens) was a beanbag. If you weren't holding it, you couldn't talk. Pass it around and make sure everyone gets to hold it once before anyone else gets a second time to talk. Time limits (with a small sand timer) also work. You could try making her 'recorder' and have her take notes on what everyone says about the book."

"Saying something like: Back to the book now usually does it. Or: Let's talk about that later."

"Put the person who misbehaves in charge. That nearly always works to force them to stay on the straight and narrow."

"Most clubs I have been in go around in a circle so everyone gets to have time to contribute or pass."


2: Divide the Meeting into Social & Discussion Time

"Our club has social time at the beginning of our get togethers, and then when we discuss the book each member gets to talk individually without interruptions. We socialize again at the end of the meeting. It works well for us and everyone gets to speak without interruptions."

"Be honest, address the whole group (perhaps via email) about having strict book discussion time, then poll everyone and perhaps choose to have a brief social time before or after the book talk. Good luck!"


3: Talk To Her in Private and Be Kind

"It's important to be kind. A tactful person should speak with her privately, to reinforce that members are not happy that she tends to monopolize the discussions with personal stories, and the ambience of the group is being affected." 

"Be direct but kind. Have a one-on-one conversation with her. She may not realize what she is doing. Sharing this with her in-person gives her the courtesy of letting her know. If you don't you run the risk of losing long-standing members, which isn't fair to them either. Honesty is always the best policy but honesty can be delivered gently." 

"Could two of you (one as a 'witness') take her aside and talk with her about this, nicely, and ask her if everything is ok?"


4: Tough Love

"Is everyone in agreement that she's being disruptive? I see no reason why you shouldn't kick her out. Undoubtedly others have experienced similar problems with her, so this shouldn't come as a surprise to her. Does she contribute anything to the club meetings? Would the others miss her, or would her absence be a relief? Good luck to you." -

"You are going to have to speak bluntly. If you have 'rules' for your book club, then explain as nicely as you can what those rules are. Sorry, but I don't see any other way. Take the plunge before there is a big fight!"

"She is an adult, treat her like one. Tell her to knock it off and don't let feelings enter into it."


5: When All Else Fails...

"Make your next book club selection a book about narcissism. Then you can discuss it and maybe she'll get the hint!"

"Forget to invite her to your next meeting."

"Interrupt her and say: We are all going to forget what you said anyway, so just write a book about it. Now back to our book discussion."     

"Perhaps a dash of Ambien in her cocoa?"