Excerpt from Raising Resilient Children by Drs. Brooks & Goldstein, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

Summary |  Excerpt |  Reviews |  Readalikes |  Genres & Themes |  Author Bio

Raising Resilient Children

Fostering Strength, Hope, and Optimism in Your Child

by Drs. Brooks & Goldstein

Raising Resilient Children
  • Critics' Opinion:

    Readers' Opinion:

     Not Yet Rated
  • First Published:
    Apr 2001, 320 pages
    Paperback:
    Oct 2002, 336 pages

  • Rate this book


Buy This Book

About this Book

Print Excerpt


Parents with a resilient mindset recognize that resilience and self-worth are enhanced when children are provided with opportunities to shine and taste success, especially by making a positive difference in their world. Parents who involve their children in charitable work, such as walks for hunger or AIDS or food drives, appreciate the importance of such activities in fostering self-esteem and a social conscience.


9. Teaching Our Children to Solve Problems and Make Decisions

Hopeful children with high self-esteem and resilience believe that they are masters of their own fate. They believe that they have control of their lives. Having and maintaining control over one's life is critical for all of us. When parents help their children learn how to make decisions and solve problems independently, they provide a vital ingredient in the process of developing that control. Resilient children are able to define problems, consider different solutions, attempt what they judge to be the most appropriate solution, and learn from the outcome.

If parents are to reinforce this problem-solving attitude in their children, they must be careful not to tell children what to do. Instead they must engage children in thinking about possible solutions. To facilitate this process, it is helpful for parents to set aside a "family meeting time" every week or every other week during which problems can be discussed and solutions articulated.

Recall that Jane, the child whose friends refused to sit with her at school, asked her mother what she should do. Mrs. Jones was well meaning, but by offering Jane a solution before asking her to think about what might help, she was depriving her daughter of an opportunity to develop problem-solving skills.

Here's a similar example: Barry and his older brother, Len, constantly bickered and argued. They fought about everything, including who would sit in the front seat of the car and which television program to watch. Len was frequently admonished by his parents to be more tolerant since he was the older of the two. They warned him that his failure to do so would result in his being punished. Len's response was to become distant and reject interactions with Barry. Asking the boys to come up with a solution to their fighting would likely have been more effective.

We have often been pleasantly surprised and impressed by the ability of children to think about effective and realistic ways of managing problems. When children develop their own plans of action with the guidance of parents, their sense of ownership and control is reinforced, as is their resilience.


10. Disciplining in a Way That Promotes Self-Discipline and Self-Worth

In our clinical work and seminars, parents frequently ask about discipline. To raise resilient children, parents must understand that one of their most important roles is to be a disciplinarian in the true sense. The word discipline relates to the word disciple and thus is a teaching process. We must appreciate that the ways in which we discipline our children can either reinforce or weaken self-esteem, self-control, and resilience.

While one of the main goals of discipline is to create safe and secure environments, another is to nurture self-control and self-discipline in children. This implies taking ownership for one's behavior. It is difficult to think of children with high self-esteem who do not also possess self-discipline. Family meetings, as suggested in the previous guidepost, can be used to engage children, within reason, in the creation of household rules and consequences so that they are less likely to experience rules as impositions.



Our Children, Our Future

While children come into this world with their own unique temperaments, parents and other caregivers strongly influence whether children will develop the characteristics and mindset associated with resilience or whether they will be burdened by low self-worth, self-doubt, and a diminished sense of hope. Developing a resilient mindset is not a luxury but an essential component of a successful future.

Copyright © 2001 Robert Brooks and Sam Goldstein

Membership Advantages
  • Reviews
  • "Beyond the Book" backstories
  • Free books to read and review (US only)
  • Find books by time period, setting & theme
  • Read-alike suggestions by book and author
  • Book club discussions
  • and much more!
  • Just $10 for 3 months or $35 for a year
  • More about membership!

One Month Free Membership

Join Today!

Editor's Choice

  • Book Jacket: Hot Milk
    Hot Milk
    by Deborah Levy
    When people reach their early 20s, they often choose to go abroad – they want to get away from...
  • Book Jacket: Ninety-Nine Stories of God
    Ninety-Nine Stories of God
    by Joy Williams
    I have to preface this review by saying that I am not a fan of religious fiction - not even books ...
  • Book Jacket: The Book That Matters Most
    The Book That Matters Most
    by Ann Hood
    BookBrowse First Impression reviewers appreciated the innovative structure of The Book That Matters ...

First Impressions

  • Book Jacket

    Underground Airlines
    by Ben Winters

    "The Invisible Man meets Blade Runner in this outstanding alternate history thriller." - PW Star

    Read Member Reviews

  • Book Jacket

    All the Ugly and Wonderful Things
    by Bryn Greenwood

    A memorable coming-of-age tale about loyalty, defiance, and the power of love.

    Read Member Reviews

Book Discussions
Book Jacket
Circling the Sun
by Paula McLain

An intoxicatingly vivid portrait of colonial Kenya and its privileged inhabitants.

About the book
Join the discussion!
Win this book!
Win Lady Cop Makes Trouble

The Kopp Sisters Return!

One of the nation's first female deputy sheriffs returns in another gripping adventure based on fact.

Enter

Word Play

Solve this clue:

Manners M (T) M

and be entered to win..

Books that     
entertain,
     engage

 & enlighten

Visitors can view some of BookBrowse for free. Full access is for members only.

Join Today!

Your guide toexceptional          books

BookBrowse seeks out and recommends books that we believe to be best in class. Books that will whisk you to faraway places and times, that will expand your mind and challenge you -- the kinds of books you just can't wait to tell your friends about.

 
X

Free Weekly Newsletter

Keep up with what's happening in the world of books:
Reviews, previews, interviews and more!



Spam Free: Your email is never shared with anyone; opt out any time.