Excerpt from Feeling Sorry For Celia by Jaclyn Moriarty, plus links to reviews, author biography & more

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Feeling Sorry For Celia

by Jaclyn Moriarty

Feeling Sorry For Celia
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  • First Published:
    Feb 2001, 272 pages
    Paperback:
    Jan 2002, 288 pages

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I HOPE YOUR FIRST DAY BACK AT SCHOOL WAS GOOD.

I'M AT THE ALEXANDER TECHNIQUE CLASS LEARNING HOW TO MAKE MY NECK STOP MAKING THAT CRUNCHING SOUND WHEN I TURN AROUND.

IF YOU'RE BORED TONIGHT WHY DON'T YOU WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING THAT COMES INTO YOUR MIND WHEN YOU HEAR THE WORD TOOTHPASTE?

WITH LOTS OF LOVE FROM YOUR MUM



Dear Mum,

I'm going to bed now. I hope your neck has stopped crunching.

My first day back was okay. But Celia wasn't there.

!!!

I went for a run over to her place and Mrs. Buckley says she climbed out of her bedroom window last night and disappeared again. Mrs. Buckley said she heard her climbing out the window because she fell on top of Benjamin's drum kit which he has in the garden so that he can practice by moonlight. But Mrs. Buckley just pretended not to hear. She says we should all just breathe in and out and stop stressing, and leave Celia to figure out Celia's own thing.

Thank you for your exciting suggestion about how to spend my night tonight.

Here is what comes into my mind when I hear the word TOOTHPASTE:

teeth.

Lots of love,
Elizabeth



A LETTER FROM A COMPLETE AND UTTER STRANGER

Dear Elizabeth Clarry,

Actually I think oatmeal is cool. You probably just haven't had good oatmeal. It has to be steaming like a shower so it burns the tastebuds off of your tongue, and you have to tip a packet of brown sugar on top of it.

I wrote an essay on To Kill a Mockingbird last term. If you need it, I'll send it to you. I think the best way to forge ties between our schools is for us to swap homework. Have you ever done an assignment on the human immune system?

  1. My name: It's down the bottom. You can call me Chris if you want to but you can NEVER CALL ME TINA. If you do, I'll break your face.
  2. My interests: my butterfly collection (HA HA).
  3. My friends: My best friend is my cousin, Maddie. She lives in Double Bay and goes to Trinity Ladies College, so I've talked to people from nice private schools like yours before, so I'm used to you. A lot of people in my class aren't used to you so they were pissed off when Radison said we had to write letters, and some wouldn't even take one of your letters out of the box. Tony Mason did take a letter but then he gave it straight back to Radison and said he could shove it up his ass. I don't know if he shoved it up his ass or not.
  4. My holiday: I stayed with my cousin Maddie in Double Bay and we watched videos and ate mango ripple ice cream. She has an ace stereo tv. You probably have one too, cos you're a nice private school girl.
  5. My boyfriend: You never said if you had a boyfriend or not. Do you? My boyfriend is called Derek. His main talent is whistling. He can whistle in perfect tune. His other main talent is his biceps. But he only flexes his muscles if he's completely hammered, like off his brain, cos he thinks he looks like a total nerd when he does.

Also, I've got two brothers and two sisters and they're all younger than me. So I'm the oldest.

What's the deal with "long-distance running"? How long is a long distance anyway? And how come you like that?

Write back again cos I forgive you for being a nice private school girl.

Christina Kratovac

PS. How come it's important that your friend Celia didn't get on the bus this morning? Is she like in a wheelchair or something?



A LETTER TO SOMEONE WHO IS PRACTICALLY A STRANGER

Dear Christina Kratovac,

I don't know what to do about the oatmeal.

Maybe we just shouldn't talk about it?

Copyright (c) 2000 Jaclyn Moriarty. All rights reserved. Reproduced by the permission of the publisher, St Martin's Press. No part of this book may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher.

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