Home Front
by Kristin Hannah
Part One
From a Distance
There are some things you learn best in calm, some in storm. Willa Cather
Prologue
1982
The way she saw it, some families were like well-tended parks,
with pretty daffodil borders and big, sprawling trees that offered
respite from the summer sun. Others and this she knew
firsthand were battlefields, bloody and dark, littered with shrapnel
and body parts.
She might only be seventeen, but Jolene Larsen already knew about
war. She'd grown up in the midst of a marriage gone bad.
Valentine's Day was the worst. The mood at home was always precarious,
but on this day, when the television ran ads for flowers and chocolates
and red foil hearts, love became a weapon in her parents' careless
hands. It started with their drinking, of course. Always. Glasses full of
bourbon, refilled again and again. That was the beginning. Then came
the screaming and the crying, the throwing of things. For years, Jolene
had asked her mother why they didn't just leave him her father and
steal away in the night. Her mother's answer was always the same:
I can't. I love him. Sometimes she would cry as she said the terrible words,
sometimes her bitterness would be palpable, but in the end it didn't
matter how she sounded; what mattered was the tragic truth of her onesided
love.
Downstairs, someone screamed.
That would be Mom.
Then came a crash something big had been thrown against the
wall. A door slammed shut. That would be Dad.
He had left the house in a fury (was there any other way?), slamming
the door shut behind him. He'd be back tomorrow or the next day, whenever
he ran out of money. He'd come slinking into the kitchen, sober
and remorseful, stinking of booze and cigarettes. Mom would rush to
him, sobbing, and take him in her arms. Oh, Ralph...you scared
me...I'm sorry, give me one more chance, please, you know I love you so
much...
Jolene made her way through her steeply pitched bedroom, ducking
so she wouldn't konk her head on one of the rough timbered support
beams. There was only one light in here, a bulb that hung from the rafters
like the last tooth in an old man's mouth, loose and wobbly.
She opened the door, listening.
Was it over?
She crept down the narrow staircase, hearing the risers creak beneath
her weight. She found her mother in the living room, sitting slumped
on the sofa, a lit Camel cigarette dangling from her mouth. Ash rained
downward, peppering her lap. Scattered across the floor were remnants
of the fight: bottles and ashtrays and broken bits of glass.
Even a few years ago, she would have tried to make her mother feel
better. But too many nights like this had hardened Jolene. Now she was
impatient with all of it, wearied by the drama of her parents' marriage.
Nothing ever changed, and Jolene was the one who had to clean up every
mess. She picked her way through the broken pieces of glass and
knelt at her mother's side.
"Let me have that," she said tiredly, taking the burning cigarette,
putting it out in the ashtray on the floor beside her.
Mom looked up, sad-eyed, her cheeks streaked with tears. "How will
I live without him?"
As if in answer, the back door cracked open. Cold night air swept
into the room, bringing with it the smell of rain and pine trees.
"He's back!" Mom pushed Jolene aside and ran for the kitchen.
I love you, baby, I'm sorry, Jolene heard her mother say.
Jolene righted herself slowly and turned. Her parents were locked in
one of those movie embraces, the kind reserved for lovers reuniting after
a war. Her mother clung to him desperately, grabbing the plaid wool
of his shirt.
Her father swayed drunkenly, as if held up by her alone, but that was
impossible. He was a huge man, tall and broad, with hands like turkey
platters; mom was as frail and white as an eggshell. It was from him that
Jolene got her height.
"You can't leave me," her mother sobbed, slurring the words.
Her father looked away. For a split second, Jolene saw the pain in his
eyes pain, and worse, shame and loss and regret.
"I need a drink," he said in a voice roughened by years of smoking
unfiltered cigarettes.
He took her mother's hand, dragged her through the kitchen. Looking
dazed but grinning foolishly, her mother stumbled along behind
him, heedless of the fact that she was barefooted.
It wasn't until he opened the back door that Jolene got it. "No!" she
yelled, scrambling to her feet, running after them.
Outside, the February night was cold and dark. Rain hammered the
roof and ran in rivulets over the edges of the eaves. Her father's leased
logging truck, the only thing he really cared about, sat like some huge
black insect in the driveway. She ran out onto the wooden porch, tripping
over a chainsaw, righting herself.
Her mother paused at the car's open passenger door, looked at her.
Rain plastered the hair across her hollow cheeks, made her mascara
run. She lifted a hand, pale and shaking, and waved.
"Get out of the rain, Karen," her father yelled, and her mother complied
instantly. In a second, both doors slammed shut. The car backed
up, turned onto the road, drove away.
And Jolene was alone again.
Four months, she thought dully. Only four more months and she would
graduate from high school and be able to leave home.
Home. What ever that meant.
But what would she do? Where would she go? There was no money
for college, and what money Jolene saved from work her parents invariably
found and "borrowed." She didn't even have enough for first month's
rent.
She didn't know how long she stood there, thinking, worrying, watching
rain turn the driveway to mud; all she really knew was that at some
point she became aware of an impossible, unearthly flash of color in the
night.
Red. The color of blood and fire and loss.
When the police car pulled up into her yard, she wasn't surprised.
What surprised her was how it felt, hearing that her parents were dead.
What surprised her was how hard she cried.
One
April 2005
On her forty-first birthday, as on every other day, Jolene
Zarkades woke before the dawn. Careful not to disturb her
sleeping husband, she climbed out of bed, dressed in her running
clothes, pulled her long blond hair into a ponytail, and went outside.
It was a beautiful, blue-skied spring day. The plum trees that lined
her driveway were in full bloom. Tiny pink blossoms floated across the
green, green field. Across the street, the Sound was a deep and vibrant
blue. The soaring, snow-covered Olympic mountains rose majestically
into the sky.
Perfect visibility.
She ran along the beach road for exactly three and a half miles and
then turned for home. By the time she returned to her driveway, she was
red-faced and breathing hard. On her porch, she picked her way past
the mismatched wood and wicker furniture and went into the house,
where the rich, tantalizing scent of French roast coffee mingled with the
acrid tinge of wood smoke.
The first thing she did was to turn on the TV in the kitchen; it was
already set on CNN. As she poured her coffee, she waited impatiently
for news on the Iraq war.
No heavy fighting was being reported this morning. No soldiers or
friends had been killed in the night.
"Thank God," she said. Taking her coffee, she went upstairs, walking
past her daughters' bedrooms and toward her own. It was still early. Maybe
she would wake Michael with a long, slow kiss. An invitation.
How long had it been since they made love in the morning? How
long since they'd made love at all? She couldn't remember. Her birthday
seemed a perfect day to change all that. She opened the door. "Michael?"
Their king-sized bed was empty. Unmade. Michael's black tee shirt
the one he slept in lay in a rumpled heap on the floor. She picked it up
and folded it in precise thirds and put it away. "Michael?" she said again,
opening the bathroom door. Steam billowed out, clouded her view.
Everything was whitetile, toilet, countertops. The glass shower
door was open, revealing the empty tile interior. A damp towel had
been thrown carelessly across the tub to dry. Moisture beaded the mirror
above the sink.
He must be downstairs already, probably in his office. Or maybe he
was planning a little birthday surprise. That was the kind of thing he
used to do...
After a quick shower, she brushed out her long wet hair, then twisted
it into a knot at the base of her neck as she stared into the mirror. Her
facelike everything about herwas strong and angular: she had high
cheekbones and heavy brown brows that accentuated wide-set green
eyes and a mouth that was just the slightest bit too big. Most women her
age wore makeup and colored their hair, but Jolene didn't have time for
any of that. She was fine with the ash-gold blond hair that darkened a
shade or two every year and the small collection of lines that had begun
to pleat the corners of her eyes.
She put on her flight suit and went to wake up the girls, but their rooms
were empty, too.
They were already in the kitchen. Her twelve-year-old daughter,
Betsy, was helping her four-year-old sister, Lulu, up to the table. Jolene
kissed Lulu's plump pink cheek.
"Happy birthday, Mom," they said together.
Jolene felt a stinging, burning love for these girls and her life. She
knew how rare such moments were. How could she not, raised the way
she'd been? She turned to her daughters, smilingbeaming, really.
"Thanks, girls. It's a beautiful day to turn forty-one."
"That's so old," Lulu said. "Are you sure you're that old?"
Laughing, Jolene opened the fridge. "Where's your dad?"
"He left already," Betsy said.
Jolene turned. "Really?"
"Really," Betsy said, watching her closely.
Jolene forced a smile. "He's probably planning a surprise for me after
work. Well. I say we have a party after school. Just the three of us. With
cake. What do you say?"
"With cake!" Lulu yelled, clapping her plump hands together.
Jolene could let herself be upset about Michael's forgetfulness, but
what would be the point? Happiness was a choice she knew how to make.
She chose not to think about the things that bothered her; that way, they
disappeared. Besides, Michael's dedication to work was one of the things
she admired most about him.
"Mommy, Mommy, play patty- cake!" Lulu cried, bouncing in her seat.
Jolene looked down at her youngest. "Someone loves the word cake."
Lulu raised her hand. "I do. Me!"
Jolene sat down next to Lulu and held out her hands. Her daughter
immediately smacked her palms against Jolene's. "Pattycake, pattycake,
baker's man, make me a . . ." Jolene paused, watching Lulu's face
light up with expectation.
"Pool!" Lulu said.
"Make me a pool as fast you can. Dig it and scrape it and fill it with
blue, and I'll go swimming with my Lu- lu." Jolene gave her daughter one
last pat of the hands and then got up to make breakfast. "Go get dressed,
Betsy. We leave in thirty minutes."
Precisely on time, Jolene ushered the girls into the car. She drove
Lulu to preschool, dropped her off with a fierce kiss, and then drove to
the middle school, which sat on the knoll of a huge, grassy hillside.
Pulling into the carpool lane, she slowed and came to a stop.
"Do not get out of the car," Betsy said sharply from the shadows of
the backseat. "You're wearing your uniform."
"I guess I don't get a pass on my birthday." Jolene glanced at her daughter
in the rearview mirror. In the past few months, her lovable, sweet-tempered
tomboy had morphed into this hormonal preteen for whom
everything was a potential embarrassmentespecially a mom who was
not sufficiently like the other moms. "Wednesday is career day," she reminded
her.
Betsy groaned. "Do you have to come?"
"Your teacher invited me. I promise not to drool or spit."
"That is so not funny. No one cool has a mom in the military. You
won't wear your flight suit, will you?"
"It's what I do, Betsy. I think you'd"
"What ever." Betsy grabbed up her heavy backpacknot the right
one, apparently; yesterday she'd demanded a new oneand climbed
out of the car and rushed headlong toward the two girls standing beneath
the flagpole. They were what mattered to Betsy these days, those
girls, Sierra and Zoe. Betsy cared desperately about fitting in with them.
Apparently, a mother who flew helicopters for the Army National Guard
was très embarrassing.
As Betsy approached her old friends, they pointedly ignored her,
turning their backs on her in unison, like a school of fish darting away
from danger.
Jolene tightened her grip on the steering wheel, cursing under her
breath.
Betsy looked crestfallen, embarrassed. Her shoulders fell, her chin
dropped. She backed away quickly, as if to pretend she'd never really
run up to her once-best friends in the first place. Alone, she walked into
the school building.
Jolene sat there so long someone honked at her. She felt her daughter's
pain keenly. If there was one thing Jolene understood, it was rejection.
Hadn't she waited forever for her own parents to love her? She had
to teach Betsy to be strong, to choose happiness. No one could hurt you
if you didn't let them. A good offense was the best defense.
Finally, she drove away. Bypassing the town's morning traffic, she
took the back roads down to Liberty Bay. At the driveway next to her
own, she turned in, drove up to the neighboring housea small white
manufactured home tucked next to a car-repair shopand honked the
horn.
Her best friend, Tami Flynn, came out of house, already dressed in
her flight suit, with her long black hair coiled into a severe twist. In her
flight suit and sand-colored boots, she looked almost exactly as she had
when they'd met twenty-plus years ago. Jolene would swear that not a
single wrinkle had creased the coffee-colored planes of Tami's broad
face. Tami swore it was because of her Native American heritage.
Tami was the sister Jolene had never had. They'd been teenagers when
they meta pair of eighteen-year-old girls who had joined the army
because they didn't know what else to do with their lives. Both had qualified
for the high school to flight school helicopter-pilot training program.
A passion for flying had brought them together; a shared outlook on
life had created a friendship so strong it never wavered. They'd spent ten
years in the army together and then moved over to the Guard when
marriageand motherhoodmade active duty difficult. Four years after
Jolene and Michael moved into the house on Liberty Bay, Tami and
Carl had bought the land next door.
Tami and Jolene had even gotten pregnant at the same time, sharing
that magical nine months, holding each other's fears in tender hands.
Their husbands had nothing in common, so they hadn't become one of
those best friends who traveled together with their families, but that
was okay with Jolene. What mattered most was that she and Tami were
always there for each other. And they were.
I've got your six literally meant that a helicopter was behind you, flying
in the six o'clock position. What it really meant was I'm here for you.
I've got your back. That was what Jolene had found in the army, and in
the Guard, and in Tami. I've got your six.
The Guard had given them the best of both worldsthey got to be full-time
moms who still served their country and stayed in the military
and flew helicopters. They flew together at least two mornings a week, as
well as during their drill weekends. It was the best part-time job on the
planet.
Tami climbed into the passenger seat and slammed the door shut.
"Happy birthday, flygirl."
"Thanks," Jolene grinned. "My day, my music." She cranked up the
volume on the CD player and Prince's "Purple Rain" blared through the
speakers.
They talked all the way to Tacoma, about everything and nothing;
when they weren't talking, they were singing the songs of their youth
Prince, Madonna, Michael Jackson. They passed Camp Murray, home
to the Guard, and drove onto Camp Lewis, where the Guard's flight
facilities were housed.
In the locker room, Jolene retrieved the heavy flight bag full of survival
equipment. Slinging it over her shoulder, she followed Tami to the
desk, confirmed her additional flight-training period, or AFTP; signed
up to be paid; and then headed out to the tarmac, putting on her helmet
as she walked.
The crew was already there, readying the Black Hawk for flight. The helicopter
looked like a huge bird of prey against the clear blue sky. She nodded
to the crew chief, did a quick preflight check of her aircraft, conducted
a crew briefing, and then climbed into the left side of the cockpit and took
her seat. Tami climbed into the right seat and put on her helmet.
"Overhead switches and circuit breakers, check," she said, powering
up the helicopter. The engines roared to life; the huge rotor blades began
to move, slowly at first and then rotating fast, with a high-pitched whine.
"Guard ops. Raptor eighty-nine, log us off ," Jolene said into her mic.
Then she switched frequencies. "Break, Tower. Raptor eighty-nine, ready
for departure."
Jolene began the exquisite balancing act it took to get a helicopter
airborne. The aircraft climbed slowly into the air. She worked the controls
expertlyher hands and feet in constant motion. They rose into
the blue and cloudless sky, where heaven was all around her. Far below,
the flowering trees were a spectacular palette of color. A rush of pure
adrenaline coursed through her. God, she loved it up here.
"I hear it's your birthday, Chief," said the crew chief, through the
comm.
"Damn right it is," Tami said, grinning. "Why do you think she has
the controls?"
Jolene grinned at her best friend, loving this feeling, needing it like
she needed air to breathe. She didn't care about getting older or getting
wrinkles or slowing down. "Forty-one. I can't think of a better way to
spend it."
. . .
The small town of Poulsbo, Washington, sat like a pretty little girl along
the shores of Liberty Bay. The original settlers had chosen this area because
it reminded them of their Nordic homeland, with its cool blue
waters, soaring mountains, and lush green hillsides. Years later, those
same founding fathers had begun to build their shops along Front
Street, embellishing them with Scandinavian touches. There were cutwork
rooflines and scrolled decorations everywhere.
According to Zarkades family legend, the decorations had spoken to
Michael's mother instantly, who swore that once she walked down Front
Street, she knew where she wanted to live. Dozens of quaint storesincluding the one his mother ownedsold overpriced knickknacks to
tourists.
It was less than ten miles from downtown Seattle, as a crow flew, although
those few miles created a pain-in-the-ass commute. Sometime
in the past few years, Michael had stopped seeing the Norwegian cuteness
of the town and began to notice instead the long and winding drive
from his house to the ferry terminal on Bainbridge Island and the stop-and-
go midweek traffic.
There were two routes from Poulsbo to Seattleover land and over
water. The drive took two hours. The ferry ride was a thirty-five-minute
crossing from the shores of Bainbridge Island to the terminal on Seattle's
wharf.
The problem with the ferry was the wait time. To drive your car
onboard, you had to be in line early. In the summer, he often rode his
bike to work; on rainy days like todaywhich were so plentiful in the
Northwesthe drove. And this had been an especially long winter and
a wet spring. Day after gray day, he sat in his Lexus in the parking lot,
watching daylight crawl up the sides of Mount Rainier and along the
wavy surface of the Sound. Then he drove aboard, parked in the bowels
of the boat, and went upstairs.
Today, Michael sat on the port side of the boat at a small formica
table, with his work spread out in front of him; the Woerner deposition.
Post-it notes ran like yellow piano keys along the edges, each one highlighting
a statement of questionable veracity made by his client.
Lies. Michael sighed at the thought of undoing the damage. His
idealism, once so shiny and bright, had been dulled by years of defending
the guilty.
In the past, he would have talked to his dad about it, and his father
would have put it all in perspective, reminding Michael that their job
made a diff erence.
We are the last bastian, Michael, you know thatthe champions of
freedom. Don't let the bad guys break you. We protect the innocent by
protecting the guilty. That's how it works.
I could use a few more innocents, Dad.
Couldn't we all? We're all waiting for it...that case, the one that matters.
We know, more than most, how it feels to save someone's life. To
make a difference. That's what we do, Michael. Don't lose the faith.
He looked at the empty seat across from him.
It had been eleven months now that he'd ridden to work alone. One
day his father had been beside him, hale and hearty and talking about
the law he loved, and then he'd been sick. Dying.
He and his father had been partners for almost twenty years, working
side by side, and losing him had shaken Michael deeply. He grieved for
the time they'd lost; most of all, he felt alone in a way that was new. The
loss made him look at his own life, too, and he didn't like what he saw.
Until his father's death, Michael had always felt lucky, happy; now, he
didn't.
He wanted to talk to someone about all this, share his loss. But with
whom? He couldn't talk to his wife about it. Not Jolene, who believed
that happiness was a choice to be made and a smile was a frown turned
upside down. Her turbulent, ugly childhood had left her impatient with
people who couldn't choose to be happy. Lately, it got on his nerves, all
her buoyant it-will-get-better platitudes. Because she'd lost her parents,
she thought she understood grief, but she had no idea how it felt to be
drowning. How could she? She was Tefl on strong.
He tapped his pen on the table and glanced out the window. The Sound
was gunmetal gray today, desolate looking, mysterious. A seagull floated
past on a current of invisible air, seemingly in suspended animation.
He shouldn't have given in to Jolene, all those years ago, when she'd
begged for the house on Liberty Bay. He'd told her he didn't want to live
so far from the cityor that close to his parents, but in the end he'd
given in, swayed by her pretty pleas and the solid argument that they'd
need his mother's help in babysitting. But if he hadn't given in, if he
hadn't lost the where-we-live argument, he wouldn't be sitting here on
the ferry every day, missing the man who used to meet him here...
As the ferry slowed, Michael got up and collected his papers, putting
the deposition back in the black lambskin briefcase. He hadn't even
looked at it. Merging into the crowd, he made his way down the stairs to
the car deck. In minutes, he was driving off the ferry and pulling up to
the Smith Tower, once the tallest building west of New York and now an
aging, gothic footnote to a city on the rise.
In Zarkades, Antham, and Zarkades, on the ninth floor, everything
was oldfloors, windows in need of repair, too many layers of paint
but, like the building itself, there was history here, and beauty. A wall of
windows overlooked Elliott Bay and the great orange cranes that loaded
containers onto tankers. Some of the biggest and most important criminal
trials in the past twenty years had been defended by Theo Zarkades,
from these very offices. At gatherings of the bar association, other lawyers
still spoke of his father's ability to persuade a jury with something
close to awe.
"Hey, Michael," Helen, the receptionist said, smiling up at him.
He waved and kept walking, past the earnest para legals, tired legal
secretaries, and ambitious young associates. Everyone smiled at him,
and he smiled back. At the corner officepreviously his father's and
now hishe stopped to talk to his secretary. "Good morning, Ann."
"Good morning, Michael. Bill Antham wanted to see you."
"Okay. Tell him I'm in."
"You want some coffee?"
"Yes, thanks."
He went into his office, the largest one in the fi rm. A huge window
looked out over Elliott Bay; that was really the star of the room, the
view. Other than that, the office was ordinarybookcases filled with
law books, a wooden floor scarred by decades of wear, a pair of overstuffed
chairs, a black suede sofa. A single family photo sat next to his
computer, the only personal touch in the space.
He tossed his briefcase onto the desk and went to the window, staring
out at the city his father had loved. In the glass, he saw a ghostly image
of himselfwavy black hair, strong, squared jaw, dark eyes. The image
of his father as a younger man. But had his father ever felt so tired and
drained?
Behind him, there was a knock, and then the door opened. In walked
Bill Antham, the only other partner in the firm, once his father's best
friend. In the months since Dad's death, Bill had aged, too. Maybe they
all had.
"Hey, Michael," he said, limping forward, reminding Michael with
each step that he was well past retirement age. In the last year, he'd gotten
two new knees.
"Have a seat, Bill," Michael said, indicating the chair closest to the desk.
"Thanks." He sat down. "I need a favor."
Michael returned to his desk. "Sure, Bill. What can I do for you?"
"I was in court yesterday, and I got tapped by Judge Runyon."
Michael sighed and sat down. It was common for criminal defense
attorneys to be assigned cases by the court it was the old, if you require
an attorney and cannot afford one bit. Judges often assigned a case to
what ever lawyer happened to be there when it came up. "What's the case?"
"A man killed his wife. Allegedly. He barricaded himself in his house
and shot her in the head. SWAT team dragged him out before he could
kill himself. TV filmed a bunch of it."
A guilty client who had been caught on TV. Perfect. "And you want
me to handle the case for you."
"I wouldn't ask . . . but Nancy and I are leaving for Mexico in two
weeks."
"Of course," Michael said. "No problem."
Bill's gaze moved around the room. "I still expect to find him in
here," he said softly.
"Yeah," Michael said.
They looked at each other for a moment, both remembering the man
who had made such an impact on their lives. Then Bill stood, thanked
Michael again, and left.
After that, Michael dove into his work, letting it consume him. He
spent hours buried in depositions and police reports and briefs. He had
always had a strong work ethic and an even stronger sense of duty. In
the rising tide of grief, work had become his life ring.
At three o'clock, Ann buzzed him on the intercom. "Michael? Jolene
is on line one."
"Thanks, Ann."
"You did remember that it's her 40th birthday today, right?"
Shit.
He pushed back from his desk and grabbed the phone. "Hey, Jo. Happy
birthday."
"Thanks."
She didn't scold him for forgetting, although she knew he had. Jolene
had the tightest grip on her emotions of anyone he'd ever seen, and she
never ever let herself get mad. He sometimes wondered if a good fight
would help their marriage, but it took two to fight. "I'll make it up to
you. How about dinner at that place above the marina? The new place?"
Before she could offer some resistance (which she always did if something
wasn't her idea), he said, "Betsy is old enough to watch Lulu for
two hours. We'll only be a mile away from home."
It was an argument that had been going on for almost a year now. Michael thought a twelve-year-old could babysit; Jolene disagreed. As
with everything in their life, Jolene's vote was the one that counted. He
was used to it...and sick of it.
"I know how busy you are with the Woerner case," she said. "How
about if I feed the girls early and settle them upstairs with a movie and
then make us a nice dinner? Or I could pick up takeout from the bistro;
we love their food."
"Are you sure?"
"What matters is that we're together," she said easily.
"Okay," Michael said. "I'll be home by eight."
Before he hung up the phone, he was thinking of something else.
Excerpted from Home Front by Sarah Hannah. Copyright © 2012 by Sarah Hannah. Excerpted by permission of St. Martin's Press. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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