Thisbe says, "Everyone wants to know about the milestones...but it's the everyday things that are the toughest." Do you agree?

Thisbe thinks: "Everyone wants to know about the milestones—Leo's birthday, their anniversary—and those are hard, of course, but it's the everyday things that are the toughest." What does she mean by that? Do you agree?

This was one of my favorite lines from the book. It was so true in my opinion and very astute. People getting divorced or Thisbe's loss of a husband are both awful and traumatic things but they are single events. The day to day living out of the changes in ones everyday life as a result of those events are the truly hard things that must be gotten through. I really liked Thisbe.

Yes. Milestones such as first holiday, birthday, anniversary, etc. without a loved one are difficult, but it's the absence of a person from one's daily life and routines that is hardest to adjust to, whether the person is a spouse, parent, child, sibling or other loved one.

I agree that the daily "withoutness" of the other person is what makes divorce or death so exhausting, sad, and difficult along with the inability to explain the constant reminders all day, every day that make life so difficult. Besides, the milestone days are times when your "support people" usually come around and help you get through them. It is the every day missing the other that is so awful and consuming.

After someone's death you expect to feel bad and sad on the milestone days such as birthdays, anniversaries, holidays. But the every day events such as going grocery shopping, walking down the deodorant aisle and realizing that you no longer need to by mens deodorant can send you into a crying tailspin. Or digging through a drawer and finding a piece of paper with the dead person's handwriting can just ruin your day. Or hearing a song that reminds you of him, and on and on and on. There are so many more everyday things than there are special occasions to remind you that your loved one is gone.

I do agree with this comment. For the milestones in life, everyone is there to weight in, to celebrate to console, to laugh, and congratulate, or hold a hand. But it is after, in the alone times, which are the hardest. And it is those alone times, the hardest times, that people tend to hide what is really going on.

Thisbe is so right about this. On the milestones (especially the "firsts" without the deceased person) there are usually others around to lend support. But the day to day routine, the times you think "Oh, I've got to tell X about this," only to realize all over again that X will never be there again are what makes adjusting to a loss so hard. That Henkin gave Thisbe this line makes me think he really understands bereavement better than many authors.

I agree with all of the above comments. The milestones are tough but you usually have good memories to look back on. Its the every day things that catch you by surprise that are tough. I think that we are prepared for the first holidays and birthdays and know that they will be bad days. But the everyday things just catch you by surprise and make it so much more real!

I agree! I like this quote...when everyone goes home from the memorials, birthday parties, holidays etc. people are left with the silence of the rituals of everyday life. It is not easy.

I also agree with everyone's comments. I think the daily routine of speaking with a loved one would be much more missed that a particular date of a "milestone".

I agree with the above comments. Everyday life is always more difficult. However, even before Leo's death, Thisbe was alone. I think she probably grieved for what might have been---a full marriage with a man who was truly committed to the relationship and put his family before his own selfish needs. Leo was certainly his mother's son.

Yes we remember milestones because they are often a way to mark progress like when your children learn to walk, read, play an instrument. But what we miss is the ordinary everyday things about people like the way they express themselves, colors they like, things that make them special to you not just a way to categorize a relationship.

I also agree with this. Thisbe has the support of Leo's family and that of friends when the "big" days (anniversaries of marriage and of death, holidays, etc.) roll around, but it would be the daily absence of the loved one that would be like a sore that won't heal. Granted, Leo was often gone because of his profession, but that was a different kind of missing or Thisbe as she knew he would be home at some time. Now that comfort is denied her, so it's a different, a more final kind of lonesome.

I found this line to be very insightful and one which we should remember when helping others go through the grieving process. We all pay attention to the loss during the milestones but these are small compared to the everyday things that life is all about. The loss of the routine interaction and the very act of waking up day after day and reliving g the memory of what we have lost is certainly far more difficult than getting through the handful of the big days in our lives.

Thisbe is right. While milestones become part of family lore and are passed on to our children, it is the everyday living that makes up the bulk of our lives and determines eventual decisions and outcomes we make. But we tend to forget or push to the back what it/was like in our day-to-day life. And it is those day-to-day things that make up the fabric of our lives.

I cannot disagree with the many comments who validate Thisbe's statement. And it's not just death or divorce, it can also be a child growing up and moving away from home, sometimes across country, even possibly to a foreign country, where visits are not often possible. Yes, it's the everyday, "little" things that can jump up and bite one, as it were, in the missing of a beloved person who is gone.

I can't remember the exact context of this quote but milestones can bring out the best and worst of us. The real story is in the mundane everyday events in our lives