Paula has spent most of her life beating herself up for calling the police on her mother. How does Julian's arrival compound this guilt?

Paula has spent most of her life beating herself up for calling the police on her mother. She reflects back on her deed: "If I had never dialed 911, we would have grown up together. I tried to imagine it—a world where Kai never went to prison, and I didn't land in foster care. Where I never learned to hit hard before I could get hit, and where I had a baby brother." How does Julian's arrival compound this guilt?

Paula realizes that had her mother not been in jail she would not have given up her baby. Since Paula feels she is the one who put her mom in jail she sees her action as deppriving Julian of a mother, herself of a brother, and her mom of a child. That's pretty heavy - it is not surprising she feels guilty.

Paula recognizes that Julian was put up for adoption because Paula's mother was incarcerated at the time of the birth. So prior to realizing Julian existed, she felt quite guilty for being the cause of her mother's incarceration, but Julian made the situation that much worse by depriving her mother of a child. Julian did have a loving, stable upbringing, so I don't believe the guilt stemmed from concern for him, but rather a feeling that she ruined her mother's life.

Paula feels guilty because she believes she is responsible for her mother being in jail .Her mother would not have had to give up her baby if she was not incarcerated. So she feels doubly guilty for not only sending her to jail, but being the reason she lost her baby boy.

This whole situation upset me... in my perfect world, children would never have to carry guilt for their screwed up parents...and parents would never dump their self anger and regret upon a child...if Paula's mom had not been so messed up and selfish she would have been able to see what she was doing to her beautiful child who was desperate for her love and attention...This was a situation of the cycling of bad parenting down through generations but I do feel hopeful that Paula was able to break some of these patterns in her future with Hana and Julian...

Paula feels even more guilt after Julian enters her life. She fantasizes that the family would be together and grow up if she hadn't called police.

Even though Julian was adopted by a wonderful couple Paula feels quilty that he was taken away from his biological mother who has died before he can locate her. She also now is struggling with the what ifs. What if she had not called 911. What if she and her mother were not separated. What if she and her brother could have grown up together. Paula has a lot on her plate and I can understand the quilt that she feels once she has met Julian.

Family dynamics can be fraught with guilt- especially when your actions caused a big shift in someone's life. Knowing she prevented her brother from growing up with his biological family would cause anyone to second guess her choices.

Julian's arrival further compounds the guilt because if her mother had not gone to jail Julian might not have been put up for adoption. It seems Julian had a very good upbringing, however, both of his parents are now deceased and he had no other siblings. I think Paula feels responsible to a certain extent also for Julian's current aloneness.

She has always felt guilty because her Mother went to jail because of her call. Now she has the added guilt of depriving her Mother of another child. She feels they could have been a family. I wish Paula had had an opportunity to discuss this guilt with someone. No child should have to grow up with this feeling.

She realizes that because her mother was put in jail, Julian's entire life was altered. However, she was a child and has no culpability for her actions. She did not mean to hurt her mother ( much less the brother she was totally unaware of). She called the police because she wanted her own life to be better - the job her mother should have been doing. Paula was never allowed to be a child with stable adults looking out for her welfare. She is not responsible for the consequences that her action as a child may have had. Maybe Julian's life was better than it would have been if he had been raised by his mother. She will never really know. Paula assumes that she caused him to be separated from his mother. Adults, not Paula made that decision.

Young children have a difficult time seeing their parents as anything short of perfect. When Paula called 912 and reported her mother she was unaware of her mothers pregnancy or of the consequences that call would have. She not only felt guilty about her mothers incarceration as well as Julian's growing up without knowing his mother

I understand her feelings of guilt. I don't think Paula should feel bad about Julian not being able to live his childhood with his real mother because she was a terrible parent. Who knows how he would have turned out? Her mother and herself were the ones deprived of Julian's childhood. That her own mother refused to take responsibility for her own actions, like living such a messed up life, speaks to what kind of person she was.

I think she felt like she cost her mother the chance to raise her son. This made her feel more guilty. I think Julian was the lucky one out of Kai's 3 children because he had a more normal upbringing. I don't think Paula sees it this way because she was influenced by growing up with Kai. It would have been better if her mother had forgiven her but Kai was too selfish to do this for Paula.

Absolutely! In addition to the unreasonable guilt she feels about calling 911, it is now compounded with knowing her mother had to give up her son because she was incarcerated. There are so many complexities to her relationship with Kai and then she finds out about two siblings shortly after discovering information about her mother's terminal condition.

Julian brings another layer to the already complicated story. It was certainly hard to read the scenes where Kai finds out that Paula called the police. But as a mother I couldn't believe how Kai reacted to hold a grudge against her daughter. But I'm she something broke inside her to give up Julian.

If Paula had not made that phone call her own life might have been different. When Julian appears and she puts the time frame together her guilt doubles.

Paula was reacting to her mothers actions not realizing the long acting effect it would have on her mother, Julian and herself. Her mother was irresponsible and selfish .Paula, Julian and Hana paid the price for the mothers behavior. She was the adult and should have acting like one. When Kai went to Jail so did Paula.

Totally agree with millicentg on this one.
Also, it saddens me that Paula was never able to realize that even had she not called 911...her mother probably would've ended up in prison later or dead sooner based on the choices she was making & the life she was living. A nosy neighbor or teacher most likely would've started calling child services or the police or Kai or her boyfriend would've done something incredibly stupid while high/drunk & ended up getting themselves caught. The guilt that Kai allowed Paula to feel is disgusting. The fact that she accepted & cashed checks from Kai is absolutely unacceptable. Kai never accepted responsibility for her actions & instead used her daughter's guilt as a scapegoat.

I do agree with everyone else who has answered this question in that it caused her to lose her mother and her mother to lose Julian. It is always amazing to me the tightness of the bond between the worst mother and the child who adores her. Life after incarceration was going OK until Candace showed up and told Kai Paula's secret. Paula's grief is compounded because that truth caused her to lose her mother a second time. Julian's childhood is the poster for adoption; Paula could only dream of that kind of childhood. When Julian appears as the well rounded person that he is, Paula's mind jumps to what Kai lost by his birth in jail. She should have breathed a sigh of relief for him. Paula urgency in finding Hana shows that she is no longer crippled by her guilt.

I think Julian's arrival adds to her guilt because his is another life impacted by the decision that she made. His life with his adopted family was not a bad one - but he was obviously very affected by her choice. When you make big, rash decisions they often have ripple effects that you never anticipate. This is one example of that.

She does feel guilt for her mother but I trust she felt that Julian was better off with his foster family.

Yes, Julian's arrival only added to Paula's guilt trip. Her call not only affected her life but his. But how was she to know - it may have saved them both from a life much different than the one they both experienced. Her mother was on a downward spiral and perhaps something far more dreadful than a jail sentence and Paula juvenile experience might never had have happened. I look at julian's personality, his softness, caring ways - would that have happened with Kai as his mother????