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Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

Created: 11/19/16

Replies: 14

Posted Nov. 19, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 1318

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Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

After years of sending money to her estranged mother, Kai, Paula learns that Kai is dying of cancer and sends a cryptic message with the return of her last check. Are you surprised by her reaction to the news?


Posted Nov. 28, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
kdowney25

Join Date: 01/25/16

Posts: 42

RE: Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

Paula said she felt nothing, but she described the nothing as swelling black and dense inside of her. As she began to process her mother's note that she was dying of cancer, Paula was angry that she would still feel that she owed her mother a debt, never getting the absolution she desperately desired. Her mother did not want to see her. Paula started to realize that with her mother dead, she would "belong to no one" but her cat. She would have no one. Even though she hadn't spoken to or seen her mother in years, she always knew she was out there, and hoped some day the debt she felt would be absolved. I was very surprised at the powerful reaction Paula had when she got the news about her mother. The panic attack was a visceral response, and shocked Paula. I don't think she realized the enormity of her feelings about her mother until then.


Posted Nov. 28, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
darylb

Join Date: 06/23/13

Posts: 90

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RE: Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

No, I am not surprised. I think Paula still cared very much even though she claimed to feel nothing.


Posted Nov. 29, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
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alwaysdaddygirl

Join Date: 09/04/16

Posts: 32

RE: Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

I was not suprised either. She has mother issues that she put into a jar with the top closed by wires. She was going to snap at one point. Despite her mother's faults, she still loves her. She hates to admit that. It makes her more of a ticking bomb.


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Posted Nov. 29, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
teachlz

Join Date: 07/28/16

Posts: 9

RE: Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

I think that Paula is extremely conflicted and many problems that she has are a direct result of her relationship and separation from her mother. In addition, I feel that Paula wants some kind of closure, and acceptance, before her estranged mother dies.


Posted Nov. 30, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
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Miznanner

Join Date: 01/19/13

Posts: 20

RE: Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

Actually no. Estranged or not, there were feelings there lying in wait for release. Guilt, anger, love, fear- all very strong and complex emotions full of memory.


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Posted Dec. 01, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
johnw

Join Date: 03/11/12

Posts: 33

RE: Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

Although children that are in the foster care system often state that they have no feelings or hate for one or both of their biological parents - almost all when they open up about the situation want / miss not having a relationship with their biological parent. Personally witnessing these emotions by children in the foster care system, I was not surprised by Paula's reactions.


Posted Dec. 02, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
beac

Join Date: 08/23/11

Posts: 70

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RE: Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

No, I wasn't surprised. She was about to burst with feelings of guilt and love for her mother. I think love for her mother was the most important feeling she had, even though she seemed to have buried it. I think it was just a shock she wasn't prepared for, and still felt snubbed by the note that seemed to say her mother didn't want to see her.


Posted Dec. 02, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
karenrn

Join Date: 08/29/13

Posts: 68

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RE: Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

No I was not surprised. Feelings for your mother or any family member are very complicated. Anyone who says they have no feelings for a family member they grew up with is lying or in deep denial. She may have actually thought she felt nothing but her repressed feelings came out in her panic attacks.


Posted Dec. 09, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
dianaps

Join Date: 05/29/15

Posts: 183

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RE: Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

I think Paula had to go through all the stages of grief before she really accepted it.


Posted Dec. 10, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Suzanne

Join Date: 04/21/11

Posts: 223

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RE: Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

Paula's reaction wasn't surprising. After all, she was still keeping in some type of contact with her monthly checks. But Paula rectified all the pain when Hana appeared in her life.


Posted Dec. 12, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
PiperUp

Join Date: 10/27/15

Posts: 62

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RE: Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

I'm not too surprised. I think between the guilt & rejection she felt regarding her mother...she had just decided that it was what it was. I think Paula learned early on that she couldn't control her mothers actions & that as a result she couldn't force her to be part of her life. I think she thought all Kai wanted was her money...and...I think she was right about that. What kind of mother blames her position in life on her child? I think Kai was a toxic person & I think she would've done more harm than good had she been part of Paula's life after she was released from prison.


Posted Dec. 12, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Mary J

Join Date: 04/26/15

Posts: 37

RE: Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

No, I think she was very conflicted, due to everything she had been through. Paula had faced so much rejection from her mother, but her feelings had never been resolved. She was still her mother.


Posted Dec. 12, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
nancyh

Join Date: 06/25/13

Posts: 147

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RE: Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

Your Mother is always your mother, even if she is not a good one.


Posted Dec. 19, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
jillf

Join Date: 07/30/13

Posts: 19

RE: Are you surprised by Paula's reaction to the news that her estranged mother is dying?

I recently went through this in my life with with my father and my reaction was very similar to Paula's. Toxic or not your parent is still your parent. Even if you think that you've accepted and come to terms with the past, old wounds are opened, things are faced and feelings long buried come to the surface. In my opinion, this is part of where her "panic attacks" came from. The child in you always longs for love and acceptance from your parent, even if the adult in you is aware that they are incapable of giving it.


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