Pearl describes Adrian as "addicted to being in love." What kept him in the cycle of addiction? What was the first step he took toward sobriety?

On page 276, Pearl describes Adrian as "addicted to being in love." What kept him in the cycle of addiction? What was the first step he took toward sobriety?

I think one thing that kept him in the cycle of addiction was that he had a basic fear of being alone. As he moved on from one wife to the next, he didn't actually have any periods of being alone. He met Caroline before he left Susie, and Maya before he left Caroline. another thing that kept him in the cycle was that he seemed unable to accept being happy and was always in search of what he perceived as the next relationship that would be more fulfilling. The first step toward "sobriety" was accepting his responsibility for what happened. As he says, "what we're going to do is this: we're going to blame me for everything. What happened to Maya is my fault. Every bad feeling any of you has ever had is my fault. Any bad thing any of you has ever done is my fault. OK?" Taking responsibility an important step. Requesting the letters from his children is also an important step, as it will give him the information, which may be painful, of how to start making amends.

Again- JuliaA says it perfectly! But....I disagree a bit- Adrian cannot remove responsibility for everything that happened. That would just enable other family members to not admit that they had a part in what happens. Taking responsibility is an important step, but not just for Adrian.

Adrian was a good guy and even through divorce his family was still his fan club. Much of his addiction to love was because those around him felt they were loved--he saw no problem in having more love to give, but it was a bit surprising that he didn't get more "feedback" from his various families over the years. Instead they sort of excused his "addiction to love" even though they did their best to sabotage it.

Adrian liked to feel good about himself. In order to feel good about himself, he needed someone to idolize him. As soon as his first two wives moved into the marriage is a partnership stage with responsibilities, Adrian no longer fit. He loved his children in the sense that they were a reflection of him, not themselves. He loved his wives as long as he was the center of their lives. When that balanced changed, he simple slipped off the balance and moved on. So I don't think he was "addicted", I think he was more like "stuck" in one certain stage of courtship and didn't move on and grow. His first two wives didn't really help him by being so "understanding".

Julia A said it well - Adrian did not like being alone. He needed someone to idolize him. Wifely attentions were not what he wanted. He needed more, and though he certainly took good care of his families, if the tragedy of Maya had not happened, he might have gone right on adding new wives to his collection.

Julia A said it well - Adrian did not like being alone. He needed someone to idolize him. Wifely attentions were not what he wanted. He needed more, and though he certainly took good care of his families, if the tragedy of Maya had not happened, he might have gone right on adding new wives to his collection.