There is a school of thought that asserts that deathbed intimacy is invaluable. What is your opinion?

When Simon received the news about his mother's impending death he dropped everything to be by her side. It was an intimate time between a mother and her son. There is a school of thought that asserts this kind of deathbed intimacy is invaluable. What is your opinion?

If you received news of a loved one's impending death, if you could would you drop everything (have you dropped everything) to be by their side for their last moments?

Deathbed intimacy is invaluable. It is the final performance on earth of any individual. It is a time for bringing up the memories, sharing laughs, giving wisdom, telling a story of by-gone days or revealing a truth from times past, raising expectations of those who live after us, singing the last chorus, making the final prayer, saying good-bye in the most profoundly elegant way: face-to-face.

I almost always been at the closing days of a loved one's life and have found the experiences deep and revealing. People know when they're about to die. They telegraph these endings. It is not so useful for me to attend a funeral as it is to be there with the family when the hours draw close.

I really don't know if I would go. I've been there for someone's last breath and they were unaware. It was very hard. I think the final days can be a revelation if the person dying can still communicate.

I think it depends on the relationship, as it would be of less value to a casual friend or distant relative than to someone close. I was with my mom when she passed and was glad to have been available to make her last days easier, and to know to my toes that everything that needed to be said, had been said, and that when she went 'home' she really was ready. I think to have the opportunity to mend hurts, to assure love, to forgive, just to spend that time together would be invaluable. I have often felt so sorry for families who lost a loved one suddenly, without 'benefit' from a warning of their impending death, or of the chance to say goodbye.

It is. Modern medicine has somehow convinced us that death, like giving birth, is something that should take place in a sterile environment where every moment can be controlled and then neatly rolled away. Neither event were meant to be efficient.

I was so glad to have spent my fathers last days with him. I value that time so much and was glad he knew I was there with him just as he was there for me.

Yes, invaluable to both parties. Consider the calmness and caring atmosphere that just being there by a dying persons side can experience. Hospice nurses are trained to assist family and friends who may not feel at ease with an extremely sick person, but that family member wants to be present. It is natural to be self conscious because of the situation, however the overwhelming positive value that is taken with you after being part of that passing can truely remind you of what it means to be human.

I would not trade sharing my father's final days for anything in the world. That brief period of intimacy stands as one of the greatest times of my life. It made me deeply regret not sharing the same thing with my mother who was hospitalized and passed, regretfully, alone.

What does it mean to have a good death? I believe that in spite of the pain Patricia was enduring she and Scott had an intimacy that leads to a peaceful good death. Memories both painful and sweet shared, secrets revealed and hurts forgiven. They were blessed to have Patricia aware during her final hours and able to share. This is our final gift to another to share in this transition

Invaluable: I agree totally! Yes, I would & I have dropped everything to be with a loved one who was dying. I had a friend whose family said: She's dying today. Me: are you with her? Them: no, she's unconscious; Me: I'm heading to the hospital now! 75 miles & 2 hrs later I was the one holding her hand as she died. It mattered to me.
Some people, I think, want to die alone. I've experienced that 2 times where I know the person chose the moment to leave when no one was there. (one was my mom - I'd sat with her in a coma for 2 days & 3 nights: I told her: I'm leaving for a few minutes. If you need to leave while I'm gone, it's OK...she took her last breath 15 minutes later)

I will always cherish the fact that I was with my Dad when he took his last breath and I will always regret that I was not at my Mom's side when she left this world.
The conversations with both parents during their final weeks and months are treasures that I hold.
Those final conversations solidified lifetimes of love as we shared family memories with laughter and with tears.
They were gifts.

I agree with marymargaretf and donnac. Both my parents died within a month of each other two years ago. My mother died at home of brain cancer. My father, who had dementia, died in a care home. Even though there wasn't much in the way of conversation with either of them in those last weeks, it meant a lot to be with them and to see how they approached the end with such dignity. The last words both of them spoke were to thank the nurses, and even after she could no longer speak my mother kept her biggest smiles for the carers.

I was with my mother for most of the three months before she died and was with her when she died, and I stayed with her afterwards for the hours until the funeral director arrived. I would have never thought it but this time after was also precious. My great regret is that, while I was with my father for a lot of the time in the months before he died, I was not there on the day. I should have been but had procrastinated about leaving when I had planned. I was on the way to the care home when I got a call that he had died. I was more than halfway there but instead of continuing, I turned around the car and headed home thinking that my priority was with my mother. If I could have that time again I would have kept going so as to see him one last time and know he was at peace after such a lot of pain. I have no desire to see loved ones laid out in coffins weeks later but wish I could have seen my Dad that day.

Any intimacy is invaluable.