"Simple, daily, caring closeness is often the scariest, most precious and delightful missing vital item in the lives of people when they grow older." Do you agree or disagree? Why?

Of his mother's third marriage, to Matthew, Simon says, "Simple, daily, caring closeness is often the scariest, most precious and delightful missing vital item in the lives of people when they grow older." Do you agree or disagree? Why?

Is this kind of relationship possible for people who have been married since they were young?

Agreed. Aging alone is frightening and our society does not value, care for or honor people whose years lengthen. There are older people who indeed are alone, frightened, forgotten and simply not well cared for. I am unsure whether it is a general symptom of a society that grows colder or whether it is a result of the way these people, now old, lived their lives. I know of very elderly people who are surrounded by extended family and I know others whose only children dote on them daily. And still I know there are some elderly who are quite alone. Sometimes it is circumstance; other times it is a result of the way we have lived.

Ageism is alive and flourishing. The elderly in this country are largely invisible. People long for physical contact and a reason to speak.

I agree, and feel we do both the aging and their families a disservice when the elderly are placed in facilities to live out their days. If 24-7 medical care isn't absolutely necessary, I believe it is far more preferable - even while difficult - for children to care for their parents in their homes if at all possible. There is an eldercare facility I read about in Europe that allows young college students to live and eat in the facility, provided they spend a specific amount of time interacting with the residents. The young learn invaluable lessons from their conversations, while easing homesickness and keeping them safe. The old folks feel involved, necessary, and stay alert simply by being engaged. A win-win situation when families are unable to bring the elderly home.

I most definitely agree and do think it is vital to the mental health and happiness of older people. When our society was less mobile and families stayed within the same area all their lives it was sort of a given but almost all families see children scatter all over the country and world so it is no longer a given. Thanks to modern technology staying in constant touch is pretty easy but of course does not substitute for face to face and hands on relationships.

I agree. In fact, I was a bit envious at the close relationships detailed in the memoir that were lifelong. It is not often that happens anymore. There are so many things that substitute for really close relationships. The hectic pace at which life moves goes against who we are as social beings, but we cannot seem to stop it.

A passage I marked in the book and then read aloud to my significant other is found at the end of Chapter 24. Scott and his mother are discussing how disagreeable and humiliating it is to have tubes running into your nose with constant globs of water forming on them. She reminds Scott of why people should listen to old people. Scott tweets - And: listen to people in their 80's. They have looked across the street at death for a decade. They know what's vital.

That is an important reminder to us all.

I agree. I think that in today's society people are so busy trying to get ahead in life that older people are often pushed aside, put in nursing homes or senior living places and "forgotten" about. I'm my life its different because we spent a lot of time with my parents and talk about their lives to their grandchildren. I wish every family would take the time to appreciate older people in their lives as they did years ago. Not only are seniors missing out but we are as a nation losing our sense of history.

I think it takes a very special married couple to be able to change throughout life. Going from youthful passion to what Simon describes as "simple, daily, caring closeness" in one's later years takes an awful lot of flexibility and determination. It has to be driven by true love for another. That Patricia was able to find that in her third husband is truly wonderful. I don't believe -- given Simon's description -- that either of her previous husbands would have been capable to adapt as they aged.

I totally agree! There are, surely, times in human relationships where "folks" cannot be kept at home or in a simple, daily caring closeness BUT THAT SAID: So often the elderly are not valued, not kept close, etc. I think part of it is the "scariest" factor. And Time: Who has time now with demanding jobs, commuting, children's activities, etc etc and what if you have to change a bedpan or feed a person or listen to them. That European model where students fill in some of the gaps with loving care is marvelous. Old people are ignored; old people are seen as "not able..."; It is very sad for the old ones but think what is being missed by the younger ones. Pat was so blessed to have a close relationship with her 3rd husband and her son.