What material things have become important to you after the loss of a loved one?

Helen finds her father's photographs help her feel that something of him remains, although he has gone. Does this resonate with your experience of the grieving process? What material things have become important to you after the loss of a loved one?

I have a six foot oak piece that has glass fronted display shelves, a fold down desk with slotted sections for letters and 2 little glass fronted cupboards etc. that had belonged to my nothers mother who was a school teacher. I also have a couple china cups from my Mom;s childhood tea set, the six inch teddy bear that was a baby gift when I was born and some framed needlepoint pictures she did. After she died they all became more significant to me and as my grandkids grew up and learned what those fascinating things were they were much impressed. I have told each of them, as they became old enough to understand, where I got these things and they all thought that was so cool. Feels good to share this with them.

I have my dad's cuff links with his mother's picture on each, his awards from college, the notebook holding all his drug compounding formulas which he began writing in college, numerous photos he'd taken. I have some of my mother's keepsakes including many of her teaching memories she'd kept in a small suitcase, some costume jewelry and things her mother had given her. I could probably think of other things if I set my mind to it!

After the loss of my grandmother, I found myself really treasuring her old pictures. I saw things in them that I hadn't focused on when she was alive. Warmth and love resonated in all her pictures. I especially held dear a picture of her eating ice cream. It was a simple picture. But when people you love pass away, you treasure those simple moments you spent with them the most.

Old photos were what I treasured too. Today we take pictures with our phones and tablets and rarely print them. I also wound up with both my mother' and father's ashes. I made sure that they were scattered in a place that they would have liked.

For years, I kept a cardigan sweater that my mother had worn regularly. I never wore it, although I kept meaning to. I just saw it in my closet and it made me think of her.

I have a sugar bowl my grandmother made. When one of my kids was about 5 he picked it up. I thought it might get broken and spoke sharply to him. He accused me of loving the sugar bowl more than I loved him! Totally not true and made me laugh. It is precious to me... but not that precious!

The smallest thing can have the power to remind you of the presence of someone lost to you. I had a sweet nephew who died of leukemia at age 14 months. He died over 15 years ago and I still have tucked away in a drawer one of the little t-shirts he used to wear. I rarely get it out anymore but I did for the first several years after we lost him just to be able to touch something that he had touched. It was a powerful link to someone I loved and lost.

Two of my friends, sisters, lost both their parents in a bus accident 11 years ago. Their parents were like extra grandparents to my children, and we often visited them as my children were growing up. As my friends were cleaning out the house they gave me some of their mom's clothing, mostly simple things, a t-shirt from Australia, a white jacket with pretty flowers, nothing fancy or expensive. I still have some of these things and enjoy wearing them. I feel like their mother is still close when I wear these things, but I don't wear them often anymore as I mourned all over again when something of hers got so worn it could no longer be worn.

Over 30 years ago my brother chose suicide. My sister and I were given the opportunity to take some of our brother's items. He greatly enjoyed The Who and Dungeons and Dragons so I took a Who T shirt and several of the many sided dice he had from D & D as well as some small figurines he had painted from D & D. I still have them and I think of my brother doing and enjoying things that were important and meaningful to him when I look at them. I've shown them with my daughters so they can see something tangible from an uncle they never knew.

When our Grandma died we(all her (grandchildren) were all given a piece of our Grandma's Christmas cactus that she loved to grow. I think of her every time I look at it.

So many losses - so many keepsakes. In my head I know these are "just" material things & in the scope of life, really not worth anything, but in my heart they are monumental! Some are silly, some are not but I have found I can part with some of the usable items that I don't use & others could. Each one has a tug at my heart as I say "good-bye" & wish it well on it's new journey to another family. I usually take a picture of it for my scrapbook - yes, I do print the pictures now mostly digitally scrapbooked but all the same: printed - like a good book!
I studied as a grief counselor & learned that often a material object becomes a very important part of the grief process - say a metal comb that I had purchased before my husband's death & during a very happy time in our life. Then he was gone but the comb stayed with me - if it got misplaced I became a "strange" person, shall I say, in my frantic search of it's recovery. Then one day it was gone & I said: "hummm - guess it's really lost this time - well, that's ok." I could let it go - it came back but now it's a reminder of that era & not as symbolic of my life!

I am still using my mother's pink leather wallet that she was using when she died. It's showing the wear after nearly 25 years. And it's not something I would ever have picked out for myself, but it is an important everyday connection to her. This question makes me wonder why I don't have any single special object that represents a connection with my father, or with either of my husbands, though I do treasure photos, certain things around my house, and so on... I think my children, and music, and experiences that bring up memories, especially holiday routines, mean more than the material connections for me. Also, silly as it sounds, the fact that I still have the same phone number that I had with my first late husband, when our children were young -- even though I don't need the land line anymore, I can't give up that phone number.

My Grandmother's china. She used it on Sundays and for all special occasions. When I use it, I am reminded of those special meals around her table with extended family. Always brings a smile to my face and warm memories of her home, the food, the discussions of current events around her table.

Photos, as others have said. Also, during her last years, my mother divided her jewelry among my sisters and me. I treasure the two pieces I received, as I do the one piece of my grandmother's jewelry that was given to me. One of the more interesting material things that became important after the death of a friend: she had an extensive collection of scarves, and her sisters thoughtfully made the collection available to her friends after her death. I found this to be a lovely thoughtful gesture from the grief-stricken siblings to the grief-stricken friends.

Photos