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The Secrets of Midwives
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Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

Created: 12/26/15

Replies: 26

Posted Dec. 26, 2015 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 1358

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Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging? What kind of relationship have you had with your mother, and do you think it's changed as you've aged?


Posted Jan. 01, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
joanew

Join Date: 12/27/13

Posts: 5

RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

Yes very challenging


Posted Jan. 01, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Lea Ann

Join Date: 04/20/11

Posts: 99

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

As a daughter of a mother whom I found to be most challenging and then the mother myself of two daughters, one of whom I believe found me challenging (but, hopefully as we have both aged, that has smoothed itself out), I would have to agree with that statement. While, like most such ideas, it's not universally true, I believe it is more true than not. But, I'd not change being either a daughter or a mother of daughters. In the end, the relationships are worth working through.


Posted Jan. 01, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
deeh

Join Date: 03/03/12

Posts: 171

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

Mother-daughter relationships are very challenging. After my mother passed away, I discovered she was keeping a very big secret and this discovery caused me to question the truth of everything she had ever told me.


Posted Jan. 01, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
elainew

Join Date: 08/28/15

Posts: 12

RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

My mother is 94, my daughter is 45 and she is adopted so there were many things about this book that was interesting to me as a mother and a daughter. Relationship make a family.


Posted Jan. 01, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Suzanne

Join Date: 04/21/11

Posts: 229

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

All child-mother relationships are inherently challenging, not just mother-daughter.


Posted Jan. 01, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
dorothyh

Join Date: 01/23/15

Posts: 69

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

They can be challenging, there needs be some give and take in situations, especially with children as they are finding their own way. Some times the less said the better.


Posted Jan. 02, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Brenda

Join Date: 01/02/16

Posts: 3

RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

I believe mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging due to the hierarchy of mother -- to-- daughter. As a mother, one knows what her daughter may encounter in life and tries to present an example of what to do or not to do as her child is growing up. As a daughter, one strives to be her own person and perhaps does not want her mother's advice or influence. Eventually the daughter may come to appreciate her mother and as she ages will look in the mirror and see her mother looking back at her.


Posted Jan. 02, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
rosemarys

Join Date: 05/29/11

Posts: 24

RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

I think mother-daughter relationships are often very complicated and challenging. I don't think I fully understood or accepted my mother until I got older and became a mother myself. What I perceived as being too negative, critical or demanding kept changing once I heard some of her life stories and I experienced some of the challenges with my kids. I realized why she did some of the things she did. It takes good communication, empathy, and understanding on both sides.
In the book, Grace and Floss had a good relationship, but they were older. Even though there was a secret between them, it didn't really affect their interactions as much (except for the acceptance of Lil and Grace with one another.) Grace and Neva, on the other hand, had a constant distance between them. I think they were not in tune with how the other one felt, they were too involved with themselves prior to the birth of Neva's baby.


Posted Jan. 02, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
andreab

Join Date: 07/29/14

Posts: 76

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

I do not think mother-child relationships are challenging or easy by their very nature. They are influenced by so many things - family dynamics, economics, environment, location, etc. All relationships have their ups and downs and take commitment and work.

The three women in this book are family and also share a profession. Their career added another layer of commonality but also challenge since Grace and Neva had different ideas about where to practice. In the end, midwifery pulled the three of them together.


Posted Jan. 02, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
kimk

Join Date: 10/16/10

Posts: 285

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

Oh my gosh, yes! I've seen the pattern repeat over & over again in my own family. Mother and daughter have a difficult relationship, while grandmother & daughter seem to understand each other a lot better. Maybe it takes the distance of a generation to be able to appreciate the younger/older generation's point of view. I also think it takes having children of one's own even start to appreciate the sacrifices made by one's parents.


Posted Jan. 02, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
kimk

Join Date: 10/16/10

Posts: 285

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

Andreab, I think that's a very interesting point about all three women sharing the same profession. It gave them a commonality - they all seemed to approach giving birth from a similar standpoint - but at the same time they had their differences. It was a great plot choice, allowing for both connection and tension in the story.


Posted Jan. 02, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
joyces

Join Date: 06/16/11

Posts: 397

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

I think they are challenging much the same as father-son relationships. I cared deeply for my mom growing up but also thought she was too demanding, too old fashion etc. etc. Once I left home, learned a bit about my contemporary's family lives, and saw some really dysfunctional mother/daughter relationships I realized I was pretty lucky in the Mom Lottery. Of course becoming a mom and grandma also reinforced my admiration of my mother especially when I thought about being the sixth of eight children and I had thought raising two was tough.


Posted Jan. 03, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
MarieA

Join Date: 10/12/11

Posts: 149

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

I think mother-daughter relationships are challenging. Perhaps this is the case because of the mother being overly protective and fearing for the daughter's safety and happiness. I think of the relationship between the female characters--Meggie and Fiona-- in THE THORNBIRDS. Fiona loves her daughter but distances herself from her from the fear of not being able to protect her from the hardships she envisions for Meggie.


Posted Jan. 05, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Retired Reader, NE

Join Date: 09/16/11

Posts: 165

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

Usually by the time the daughter is an adult, woman have determined a way to work it out. Grace and Neva both carried old grudges and hurts.


Posted Jan. 05, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Peggy H

Join Date: 06/13/11

Posts: 188

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

Yes, they are challenging and often written about. I think things can change as both are older but my mother died young so problems were never worked out. It was not clear why Neva called her mother Grace.


Pegh
Posted Jan. 06, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Savanna

Join Date: 08/04/15

Posts: 8

RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

I think the parent-child relationship in general is challenging regardless of the sex of the child or parent. The young feel they are different than their parents - different feelings, challenges, opinions. I felt my parents were from another planet. And then I grew older and began to see them as people with challenges, concerns and dreams of their own. I see my daughter's attitude changing towards me in the same way. It becomes a more respectful coexistance. I think the love and affection that we feel towards our children and they towards us softens the challenges.


Posted Jan. 06, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
dorothyl

Join Date: 04/15/12

Posts: 89

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

YES! As the mother of two daughters and a son, the relationships with my daughters have been much more challenging. I think that the personalities of the mothers and daughters influence the relationships a great deal and sometimes life experiences outside the relationships impact them as well.


Posted Jan. 08, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
melindah

Join Date: 12/25/12

Posts: 48

RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

I don't think they are any more challenging than other relationships. That being said, however, the interesting thing to me about the mother - daughter relationship is how it evolves and changes with time and circumstance. My own view of my mother changed significantly when I became a mother, and again when I was the mother of a teenage daughter. As my perspective changes, as her perspective changes, we are more understanding and accepting. As we get older and share more experiences, we get closer. I think these same things were evident in the book. As Floss watched Neva, she saw much of her experience, which made it easier to not only relate to her granddaughter, but to Grace as well.


Posted Jan. 08, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
jeanettel

Join Date: 01/05/12

Posts: 53

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

Not necessarily. Maybe it was my Hispanic upbringing but my mother was very nurturing, understanding, friendly, a wonderful teacher and lovable person I ever met. She was also strict, a great example of what I wanted to be when I became a mother. I have tried to be the same with my two daughters, who are now married with children, and must say that we are extremely close to each other.


Posted Jan. 10, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
sweeney

Join Date: 05/24/11

Posts: 76

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

Well, I think ALL relationships worth having are challenging! Family relationships fall in a different category because they are relationships that aren't chosen...(with the exception of adoptions) and can never really be abandoned. I think mothers want everything for their daughters that they didn't or couldn't have, which may or may not coincide with what the daughter wants. That being said, I guess the answer to the question is...YES.


Posted Jan. 11, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Navy Mom

Join Date: 04/12/12

Posts: 192

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

I have no daughters so I can't see how I would have been as a mother to a daughter, but I do know that the relationship between my mother and myself was a challenge. I still, even though she is now gone, sometimes think about it and try to figure out why she acted and reacted in regards to me the way she did. I try to analyze what in her background or personality made it so hard to get along with her. It was a love/hate relationship for sure. I was in my 40's when I thought we were finally building a respectful relationship, then she died and I never got to see if it would be better. But I do miss her now that she is gone.


Posted Jan. 13, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
PiperUp

Join Date: 10/27/15

Posts: 71

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

I think this mostly depends on the mother. If the mother is controlling or jealous or trying to live vicariously through the daughter...it's going to be a tough ride.
However, if the mother understands how to communicate in a healthy manner & is comfortable with boundaries & has established trust with her daughter then it can be a much smoother ride.


Posted Jan. 15, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
bettyt

Join Date: 05/12/11

Posts: 174

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

I think that any parent-child relationship can be challenging, depending on how the parent handles it. When children reach adolescence they automatically start distancing themselves from the family. Some of this is necessary, and healthy. They must learn their own way in the world in order to be healthy adults. So they challenge their bonds with their parents.


Posted Jan. 16, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
juliaa

Join Date: 12/03/11

Posts: 160

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RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

As a daughter, I'd have to say yes, but the challenges, at least for me and my mother, lessened as we aged. I identified with Neva's calling her mother by her first name (when she said it started around age 14) as I did the same thing as a teenager. But I stopped long before I was 29. I found it hard to accept that Neva was still stuck in this adolescent challenge well into adulthood.


Posted Jan. 19, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
debbielmc

Join Date: 01/19/16

Posts: 7

RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

As the mother of two daughters and being raised in a family of three girls I do believe that there is an inherent challenge for mothers and daughters. I think that in order to separate that bond that is very strong between a mother and daughter that there needs to be a tension that allows the younger to grow and learn and for the mother to say I have done a good job.


Posted Jan. 20, 2016 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
mhayes

Join Date: 04/29/15

Posts: 8

RE: Do you think mother-daughter relationships are inherently challenging?

No. I believe every role a person endeavors upon is best if based on truthfulness. Relationships are always somewhat complicated and emotions are usually the hinge. It is difficult to have a complete understanding of an individual because as humans we are complex. People are inherently challenging.


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