The characters pay homage to those they care about who’ve died. What did you think of these rituals? Do you or your family have rituals to remember those who you’ve lost?

Several times throughout the story the characters pay homage to those they care about who’ve died. What did you think of these rituals? Do you or your family have rituals you observe to remember those who you’ve lost?

Many cultures seem to place an importance on remembering ancestors, whether it's to ask for their protection or to keep their memories alive or simply because that's what's done. I thought it was interesting that Dieu Lan also revered non-relatives who had helped her. I think there's a lot to be said for the rituals that bring your relatives to mind, and recall what they've done for us.

I took a class several years ago that spoke about how important rituals are to people, particularly those surrounding death, and how poorly some cultures and some religions deal with these (mostly by scaling back ritual or eliminating it entirely). I have to say I've found this true in my own family. When my dad died a decade ago, he was cremated, with no memorial service held, and in some respects I think this was a mistake.

I think our society would benefit so much from more ritual in regards to death. The grief of its s so powerful that I feel ritual would help so much with the coping and self care of losing someone we love.
My father in law had cancer and chose to use the death with dignity act to leave this world. We had a whole day dedicated to saying goodbye, loving him, and guiding him out of his body and into whatever the next was for him. It was powerful and so meaningful and when my grief of losing him comes to visit, I am comforted by the memories of those last moment, by my singing him to sleep, by the knowledge that we were able to celebrate him and show how surrounded by love he was.
I believe that so many cultures have so many beautiful ways of honoring the dead. America definitely has a lack of ritual. It is what I love so much about historical fiction, it shows a window into tradition that I have never personally experienced.

Being of the Jewish faith, we honor our ancestors through remembering. At the anniversary of a family member's death, we say a special prayer acknowledging their lives. I think it is important to honor our ancestors whatever culture you may be from.

In our Catholic faith we honor all dead as saints. We can also honor them with having a mass said for them. I have always liked other cultures who have small temples to their dead in their homes ... in a way I guess we do by having their pictures up or their gravesites when we visit ?

I agree with the members who feel that we do not honor those whom we've loved and lost with ritual in America. There seems to be a fear of death consistent with our cultural worship of youth and beauty. Many of the bereaved are urged to "come to closure" with their grief and "move on" with life.
This topic is close to my heart as I lost my husband of 58 years fairly recently. Having a full funeral Mass for him with military honors celebrating his 35 years of service made me feel that I had been able to give him a final gift.
Like Huong and her family, I have a picture of us, his flag, and a religious symbol in my bedroom. On the anniversary of his death, I borrow from Judaism and light a candle to burn for the day. Today, out of the blue, I felt like singing his favorite song. I find, in fact, that songs which remind me of lost loved ones become prayers for me as they enter my consciousness. Each of these choices helps me to acknowledge that death is a part of life, and loss can either diminish or enlarge our souls, depending on how we choose to encounter the event.
We would do well to imitate those cultures which keep their ancestors as part of their lives. It keeps them alive within our hearts and minds in a gentle and loving way.

I like what Bettyt wrote since I'm also Jewish. In addition to saying a prayer, we light a memorial candle called the Yahrzeit candle every year at sundown on the eve of the anniversary of the death of a loved one.

Even though this is very difficult, I find it healing and forces me to take some time to remember.

Remembering their ancestors is important. In my own family, cleaning the graves where my relatives are buried is a long-held tradition. Taking flowers to those graves is also important.