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What do you think of arranged marriages?

Created: 09/15/14

Replies: 19

Posted Sep. 15, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 1318

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What do you think of arranged marriages?

What is your opinion of arranged marriages? Can they work?


Posted Sep. 15, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
joyces

Join Date: 06/16/11

Posts: 392

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RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

I can see that in some cultures and religions they might work. If you are raised in such a culture then you will probably accept it and live with it. I think this is true for both males and females in that type of culture. As a modern day person living in a free society I think it is totally not a feasible option unless the parties involved have met, gotten acquainted and agree to it.


Posted Sep. 15, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 1318

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RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

Arranged marriages can run the gamut from forced marriage - i.e. one or both parties coerced into the marriage - through to arrangements where the parents or a matchmaker introduce the potential couple to each other and it's up to the latter to decide if they want to take things further over an indeterminate period of time.

I think we are likely to be in agreement that forced marriage is not right but perhaps there is a role for families to introduce couples who appear to be compatible, so long as they are then free to make their own choices? How many parents of adult children can hand on heart say they've never at least considered trying to engineer a meeting between their child and someone who they think would be just right for them?

Some degree of arranged marriage was the norm in most cultures a couple of hundred years ago. Now in the developed world we've swung the other way with autonomous marriage being the norm (and forced marriage being illegal, albeit that doesn't mean it doesn't happen) - but I think there is still a role for introductions either by family members or through a matchmaker - and it would seem that many would agree considering the popularity of services such as Match.com!


Posted Sep. 15, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
joyces

Join Date: 06/16/11

Posts: 392

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RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

I agree with you Davina that arranged meetings are acceptable but arranged marriages not so much.


Posted Sep. 15, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Navy Mom

Join Date: 04/12/12

Posts: 183

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RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

I do believe that marriages have a better chance of being successful if the two people have similar backgrounds and expectations of marriage and have similar ideas of the roles each plays in the marriage. In that case, I suppose the marriages can work and often do. You read about couples who come to love each and respect each other. However, it is difficult enough to find the right partner when you do get to chose so leaving it up to relatives who may not really know the couple well or have other reasons to bring families together... not such a good idea.


Posted Sep. 15, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
rebajane

Join Date: 04/21/11

Posts: 184

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RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

I agree with navy mom. I never thought that arranged marriage would be something I would agree with. But the divorce rate of "in love" marriages is so high that it makes more sense. Too many marriages burn out with the passion but if love is allowed to grow perhaps that's better


Posted Sep. 16, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
LeahLovesBooks

Join Date: 04/08/14

Posts: 47

RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

They have their place -- Many think they beat meeting in a bar or on social media where there's virtually no protection from the crazies of the world.


Posted Sep. 16, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
mariannes

Join Date: 12/17/12

Posts: 206

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RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

I don't think arranged marriages would work well in a free society like ours. They apparently work in other societies, but we have no way of knowing how happy those marriages are or were.


Posted Sep. 17, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
lynnw

Join Date: 09/01/11

Posts: 124

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RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

I personally know two people who have had arranged marriages. One works well and the other ended in divorce. Pretty much the same percentage as love marriages. In both marriages it takes a lot of work and commitment to make it work.


Posted Sep. 17, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
asha

Join Date: 05/01/13

Posts: 44

RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

I think it's semantics! Arranged Marriage as a phrase is viewed by those not familiar with the local parlance of those "cultures" to view it as archaic.

I was born and raised in India and did not have an arranged marriage. I chose my own mate and got married in the Caribbean!

Arranged marriage actually means, your parents/guardians vet the prospective groom...i.e. make sure he has an educational background, a higher paying job/business/profession and can be a partner of your daughter and maintain the standard of living she is accoustomed to! Is this not what people in "Free" cultures want as well? I would think so...

Arranged marriage in those cultures is in lieu of match.com etc...

Living in the states, I see a lot of women my age wearily waiting for Mr. Right...
Some of them actually wish they had parents looking out for them in the spouse department! As in, arranging a suitable mate for them...

So, let's understand it...before we knock it.

I have friends in both cultures and the percentage of divorce is perhaps the same across both...but, in my circle of friends, both, Western and Indian, the rate of divorce is higher among the non-arranged marriage one...I did account for education and income...(those are the same for both groups).


Posted Sep. 17, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
djn

Join Date: 05/19/11

Posts: 82

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RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

I think it is a harder concept for our society to grasp. One lady I met who was in an arranged marriage told me that the problem with our society was we believed that "in love" was the important part, where for her the concept of "learning to love" was the key. Gave me pause for thought. However, I do believe the important part is who and how the partners are chosen.


Posted Sep. 17, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
joyces

Join Date: 06/16/11

Posts: 392

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RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

I want to thank you asha for your clarification of the term arranged. I quess I was thinking more in terms of situations where young women were more or less forced in marrying whomever their parents picked out whether she wanted to or not.


Posted Sep. 21, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
rebeccar

Join Date: 03/13/12

Posts: 294

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RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

I would not like one. However, the divorce rate in the United States seems to indicate that physical attraction - - or whatever people want to call it- isn't a fail proof system either. What I am totally against is the "sale" of a very young daughter to some geezer - - in the guise of being an "arranged marriage." If one grows up in a culture where arranged is expected, does it seem better? Only other women in that situation can answer that.


Posted Sep. 21, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
kimk

Join Date: 10/16/10

Posts: 279

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RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

I actually think arranged marriages have at least as much chance of working out than love matches, maybe better. In an arranged marriage I think people are more willing to accept the other person's differences and to grow together into a couple. I think sometimes in love matches, first, they're frequently passion-based, and passion seldom lasts, and second, there's often an unrealistic expectation that things will be perfect.


Posted Sep. 24, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
florenceo

Join Date: 03/13/14

Posts: 2

RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

I have known two acquaintances who had arranged marriages. One who was from Iran and immigrated to the U.S. A. and one who was from Japan, and her husband was in the U.S.A. working on an advanced degree. The former was very intelligent, and a professional woman working in the U.S. Her marriage ended in divorce. The latter, from Japan, was a very introverted young woman, who was a devoted wife, who did not work outside the home. I think she was very happy, and loyal to her husband. Submissiveness is an aspect of her culture that is learned and nurtured from development so it was the natural thing to do.
I think arranged marriages can and do work out, and conceivably grow into true love, but I think that is not the norm. In order for such arrangements to work, love is a commitment - but not a necessarily a feeling. I can't imagine entering a relationship without knowing the persons soul or feeling some romantic chemistry.
One needs time to court several persons to compare interests and personalities to know if there is enough common ground and interests to build a relationship. Arranged marriages, in my opinion, rob the individuals the opportunity to know their souls. Arranged marriages were perhaps a necessity in past generations when females were not given much formal education or independence. But in today's time, woman can make their own way in the world.
Of course, the flip side is that we are a culture that holds little regard to marriage as a sacrament, and our divorce rate is high which is regrettable.


Posted Sep. 25, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
pennyp

Join Date: 03/22/12

Posts: 271

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RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

Being raised as I have I could not imagine an arranged meeting. Of course I have had a divorce and during the marriage we had little family support. I think the divorce rate is less and family commitments are higher in arranged marriages, I can' t speak to the happiness factor. I think in some cultures they probably make a lot of sense because it preserves and increases the wealth and security of the extended family.


Posted Sep. 25, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 1318

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RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

I think it would be helpful if those who say they are against arrange marriage could specify exactly what sort of arrangements they are against.

As we've already discussed, arranged marriage is a term that can be used to cover a lot of ground from forced marriages to a relative introducing a couple to each other who seem suited based on various criteria such as income, interests, background and so forth (i.e. the sort of criteria that dating sites use) but the couple are ultimately free to make their own choices.

So, please, future posters - tell us exactly what you're against. Are you against any sort of arranged/introduced marriage such as Aunties acting as human dating sites? Indeed are you against dating agencies in any shape or form? Or are you simply against forced marriage?


Posted Sep. 25, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
deeh

Join Date: 03/03/12

Posts: 158

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RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

I think arranged marriages are fine as long as the arrangement is part of one's cultural background, and are between consenting adults. I deplore accounts of child brides and forced marriages. An arranged marriage has as much chance of being successful as a love match, given the current divorce statistics.


Posted Sep. 25, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
susanp

Join Date: 03/19/14

Posts: 4

RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

Not sure I have much new to offer here, but I think 'arranged' or 'vetted' marriages can work well. Some of my male friends from the Middle East and India actually preferred to have their mothers help them find possible partners.
People can certainly fall into love as opposed to falling in love. Maybe Western culture could learn something from other countries' customs.


Posted Oct. 01, 2014 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
mal

Join Date: 09/09/13

Posts: 155

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RE: What do you think of arranged marriages?

I'm happy I have the power to make my own choice. I respect those preferring arranged marriages BUT I prefer my freedom all the way around.


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