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All the Little Hopes


A Southern story of friendship forged by books and bees, in the murky shadows of...
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Bert tends to blame herself when things go wrong. Why do you think that is? Is it more of a female trait? Are there things you blame yourself for that really aren't your fault?

Created: 07/20/21

Replies: 9

Posted Jul. 20, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 2732

Bert tends to blame herself when things go wrong. Why do you think that is? Is it more of a female trait? Are there things you blame yourself for that really aren't your fault?

Bert tends to blame herself when things go wrong—her mother dying, her father sending her away, Violet locking her out. Why do you think that is? Is it more of a female trait? Are there things you blame yourself for that really aren't your fault?


Posted Jul. 23, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
wendyf

Join Date: 05/11/11

Posts: 42

RE: Bert tends to blame herself when ...

Bert blames herself as most of us women do. I don't know how many times I have apologized for something that is not my fault and completely out of my control. We women need to work on this.


Posted Jul. 25, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
irisf

Join Date: 01/16/12

Posts: 115

RE: Bert tends to blame herself when ...

It is typical of females to take the blame for something we’re not responsible for. Is it part of our genetics or learned? We just assume that it’s our role to be the peacemaker even if we commit to taking responsibility for something that isn’t our fault


Posted Jul. 26, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
gerrieb

Join Date: 09/03/19

Posts: 125

RE: Bert tends to blame herself when ...

Irisf and Wendyf have it right. We need to do better and teach our girls not to apologize for something that is not their fault. It goes along with the “ take up less space”, be the “ peacemaker”, “ don’t make “ waves” philosophy that society tends to drill into the female psyche. It’s often so easy for others to make women feel the need to apologize and take ownership of something that they had no role in. We need to reject that and work on our responses to those situations and as mothers do our part to raise young women who aren’t as easily manipulated into that role .


Posted Jul. 27, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
janhubbard

Join Date: 04/11/19

Posts: 17

RE: Bert tends to blame herself when ...

I think blaming one's own self is an extension of taking responsibility. If you are accustomed to evaluating a problem, determining how to proceed, then doing just that, it is logical to also assume responsibility when things go wrong. With maturity, you learn to own the responsibility rather than blame others. Hopefully, you also see that which you don't control, and avoid blaming yourself needlessly. I agree that women tend to be peacemakers. but I can think of exceptions to that.


Posted Jul. 27, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
ssh

Join Date: 02/04/14

Posts: 32

RE: Bert tends to blame herself when ...

I agree also that many women tend to be peacemakers. While I see the positive in that, I do think we need to balance it with holding others accountable. I could relate though to that aspect of Bert.


Posted Aug. 05, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
gvieth

Join Date: 02/26/21

Posts: 25

RE: Bert tends to blame herself when ...

I think her father sending her away at such a young age is what perpetuated those feelings in Bert, but I also think women are more apt to blame themselves for things that aren’t their fault.


Posted Aug. 06, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
judyp

Join Date: 06/17/21

Posts: 5

RE: Bert tends to blame herself when ...

I do think it has been a trait for women, but that younger women aren't feeling the pressure to apologize for not being the best or doing it all. Hope that this continues.

I also agree with gvieth who thinks these feeling have been amplified and perpetuated by what happened in her early childhood and the not having opportunities to see her strengths.


Posted Aug. 08, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
susanr

Join Date: 04/14/11

Posts: 153

RE: Bert tends to blame herself when ...

Bert was pretty carefree until her father blamed her for her mother's death. After that, she seemed to feel like everything that went wrong was her fault. I think women usually blame themselves and we need to get better at not feeling like we are wrong


Posted Aug. 18, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Suzanne

Join Date: 04/21/11

Posts: 280

RE: Bert tends to blame herself when ...

Are there things you blame yourself for that really aren't your fault?


Oh my. I have many times that I feel guilt, or wonder if I may have caused something to be the way it is. Possibly it's the fact of my generation and also a lot of my mother's placing things on my conscience.

I agree that the younger women of today are much better at bearing guilt. I have 2 daughters who are so often expressing something freely and without the guilt I'd be feeling.


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