Do you think it is a natural impulse for best friends to want their children to grow up to be soulmates?

The mothers in the story plan for their children to grow up to be soulmates. Is this a natural impulse best friends have for their children? Could arranged marriages like this really work in our society?

I do. I remember my mother & one of her best friends pairing me and my younger sister up with the friends' two boys. And we really did kind of think we were couples (David even gave me a little pink heart ring). I think my sisters & I were probably five & seven at the time -- true love!

It may be natural to want your child to marry your best friend's child. These two go to extremes that are extraordinary. Maybe some arranged marriages work but my experience with relationships is that you can't control them.

It may be; but the extreme to which Sally and Bernice took this impulse was almost ridiculous. Arranging Bernice's pregnancy to coincide with Sally's and then contriving to have the children born at the same moment was an extreme. Separating the children as toddlers made more sense to me than the prenatal control, but in the end I just found the whole premise of an arranged "soul mating" didn't work for me.

Sandra54 said, "Maybe some arranged marriages work but my experience with relationships is that you can't control them."

I'm reminded of a line from Pride & Prejudice:

"Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance...and it is better to know as little as possible of the defects of the person with whom you are to pass your life."

So, I agree, the chances of Sally & Bernice being able to "build" the perfect couple seems kind of remote -- but it did make a good story!

No, I don't think it is a natural impulse to pair up children. Certainly we have evolved beyond this old-world practice. Introductions, yes. Pairing, no.

I do think many "besties" think about it, but the two women in this novel had a friendship that went beyond the normal best friend relationship and their machinations were extreme to say the least! That said, nothing about this novel was truly realistic, so it all worked!

It may be an impulse but as the child grows up it may not be what the child wants or whats best.

As a teenager I remember talking to my girlfriends about having babies together and how they would be best friends or maybe grow up to marry some day. Now my kids are grown and I am so happy that they have chosen their own paths and their own partners.

It may be natural to hope for that sort of outcome, but it's bizarre in the extreme to actually try to make it happen.

It's a neat idea to think that your child might ultimately find love with the child of your best friend, but Bernice and Sally go way beyond this day-dreaming sort of behavior. To contrive common birth dates, establish a matching encyclopedia of experiences, then separate the children so they won't think of each other as some sort of semi-siblings is not impulsive behavior, natural of otherwise. It's planned and controlled.

Yes, I think there may be a desire by best friends for their children to fall in love. It's in a way, a consummation of the friendship, much like having kids is in romantic relationships. Still, there is hoping something will happen and then there's manipulating individuals to do want you want them to without there knowledge. This is not the same as arranged marriage, where there is an acknowledgement by the parties involved of what is happening.

I think hoping and daydreaming about such an outcome for the children of good friends is normal and even comforting. Manipulating your child to meet your own needs is just wrong.

In real life, possibly an impulse, but to connive as was done in the story, never. The girls' relationship was so extraordinary with so much fantasy that I can go along with the soulmate hope and desire as being as it is--a no-reality idea.

yes it is, but very unrealistic.

Yes, I think it is a natural impulse particularly when children are adorable babies or toddlers playing together. The parents are close friends and they hope their progeny will be friends or more later. I'm acquainted with people who were encouraged because of shared religions or similar economic status to date and marry....not quite arranged marriages but certainly supported. The novel tweaked natural impulses into a contrived fantasy that suited the story but would be a travesty in reality.

It's not natural in real life but makes for a good plot in novels.

I do think that parents frequently want their children to experience the same joy of friendship/relationship that they have had and consequently are inclined to hope for friendship between their offspring. If the relationship was particularly close, then the desire to pass it on is strong. This can also be noted with siblings who want their children (the cousins) to be as close as the parents. I rarely works out that way.

I do think it is a natural impulse, however, the extent to which Sally and Bernice manipulate the situation does not seem natural, and certainly not reasonable or rational.

I think it's completely normal for young girls to daydream that their future children will also be "besties" or even fall in love, but to actually contrive to make that happen is irrational and controlling.

Maybe as children or teenagers, friends can wish for continued connection through children. But then you grow up and realize you can't dictate to your children the life you want them to lead for you. My 2 cents.

I don't know if it is natural but if you have a best friend that you are very close to I can see how one might think it would keep the friendship intact for many years.

pennyp:". . . it would keep the friendship intact for many years." Now, that I hadn't thought of. But also it could work just the opposite after a few years. Horrible notion!

No. I think it was creepy. It is best for people to find their own soulmates without their mother's influence.

I feel it is perfectly natural to be happy if your children and your best friends children are playmates and even for them to remain friendly as adults but to try to pair them up in marriage is a little overreaching in these days and times.

I have to admit that my best friend and I thought of pairing our children. We did not take it to the extremes of Bernice and Sally.

No, I have never actually encountered this in my life. My best friends and I wanted our children to be friends, but never imagines them paired up, nor can I imagine any of us going to this extreme.

Yes, it is fun to imagine having that kind of connection to your child and to your friend. We all want to stay connected to the people we care about, and it would be assuring to know just who it is that will be a part of your child's future.
However, in well, this novel, it was just controlling and creepy (as the author intended, I'm sure)!
The whole relationship between the moms was pretty messed up anyway... lots of unresolved issues there!

Sure, but wanting doesn't make it happen.

Childhood best friends -of course they'd want their children to be best friends, to love each other, to marry. Just think -now best mother-in-laws, best grandmaws. But again, childhood best friends.