Kate Moore states: 'Etiquette is a minefield,' describing ex-pats living in Paris. What do you believe this means?

Kate Moore states: "Etiquette is a minefield," describing ex-pats living in Paris. What do you believe this means?

Kate and Dexter have chosen to send their children to an international school, meaning most of the students have parents who have come to Paris from somewhere else. Each culture has different customs regarding greetings. Should Kate shake hands? Should she cheek kiss? One cheek? Both cheeks? How many kisses? Is it appropriate to join a circle of other moms talking? In addition to all the other things Kate has going on throughout the day, she worries about offending this group of women. If she were to be excluded from the mom group based on her "lack of etiquette", would her children be negatively affected?

One must negotiate a minefield with excruciating care and attention. Negotiation, in any sense of the word, is a stress-inducing endeavor, whether successful or not. Kate can do all the right things in terms of etiquette, but it will cost her in stress. Or she can fail to do the right thing in just one situation and blow up the whole social construct on which she balances her ex-pat existence, including family, marriage, career.

Great question.

Cultural differences are numerous and quite subtle. If you are trying to succeed in a place different from your family’s background you must observe and adjust. These differences are not just present or defined by national borders, but exist within a country and possibly in large cities, even within a city. Very little discussion of these differences in Paris are actually discussed in the book.

Kate believed that in order to fit in and be accepted she had to negotiate a “minefield” of different social and ethnic customs with regards to the other parents she knew. Fitting in has become a part of her life, though it isn’t clear if she enjoys it or not. I suspect she is rather bored by it all, since she talks disparagingly about the other moms.

It's about the different cultures. When we want to blend in in a new place, we need to adapt to the cultures of that place. It's may be trite and overused, but, "when in Rome, do as the Romans" is very apt here. Part of the problems in parts of our country is the fact that assimilation does not happen, and that makes the natives restless. Kate understands, particularly in the "business" she is in, that it behooves her to be as invisible as possible, hence she plays the role expected of her.

I agree with ardena above - couldn't say it better!

I think she is referring to figuring out the 'rules of engagement' with others in a new culture, not wanting to offend anyone. She is trying to blend in smoothly and can't afford a mis-step.