Why do you suppose Hubert grieves by himself. Was this the right choice for him? What are different ways of grieving and what kind of support do people need?

Hubert grieves by keeping to himself. Why do you suppose that is? Do you feel that was the right choice for him?

What are different ways of grieving and what kind of support do people need?

It's impossible to judge whether someone is grieving the right or wrong way. How one grieves is as complicated and individual as their DNA in some ways.
Very difficult to determine what types of support a grieving person needs - often, they don't tell you exactly what they are feeling and why. So many factors go into it. Some ways grief manifests itself: sadness, depression, insomnia, anger, withdrawal from usual activities, alcohol consumption, loss of appetite and so on.

My daughter died 2 months ago. My husband died nearly 30 years ago. At first I needed people around me. But as time goes on others don’t get it. And they give unasked for advice. Sometimes I can’t help it, but I blow up at them. So most of the time I prefer to be alone and think about things. When someone you love dies it changes who you are. And you need to figure out where you fit. Some of that is easiest done alone

Each person grieves in their own way, some healthy, some not. To want to be alone at first seems very rational. The process of doing the necessary - going through clothing, paperwork, the change in pattern of ones personal life - are overwhelming. Others want to help, want to ask every day, "How are you doing?". It is natural to want to sift and sort out life alone. If this goes on too long, however, it can be very detrimental. Today services are offered for the grieving- counseling, group therapy, and the like. Some people find that works; others don't. If someone isn't moving on, it behooves their friends to try to help them without being too intrusive. We all know many people who have had the experience of loss and grieving. Some have turned the corner; others are still emotionally disintegrating years later. Perhaps the circumstances of death play a role; I don't know. Perhaps getting involved in other people and causes can help deflect the mind's attention. It is different for each person. A loss is a loss and it never goes away. With good support, however, the memories sustain as one moves on into the rest of their lives.

I felt badly that Hubert insisted on grieving alone, when he had a group of friends ready and available to support him. I think his reason for doing this was largely due to his embarrassment over the web of lies he had been telling to himself and his friends. When all that came crashing down he didn’t feel worthy of accepting their support.

Essentially, Hubert had lost his entire family, Joyce and Rose to death and David to drugs. The weight of this pain was likely too much to share with anyone else and Hubert needed to process it on his own terms. He was already retired and living a fairly private existence after years of caretaking. After a loss, it is a kindness when others reach out to include the mourner, reminding them they are still loved. However, for the bereaved, it can be a painful reminder of relationships they no longer have. It can be hard to see couples together, families together. Solitude can be an easier place to grieve.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I lost my husband who coincidentally died from dementia a year ago after 62 years of marriage. I was fortunate to have my daughter and her husband living nearby as well as supportive church friends. Hubert’s children were not there. After Joyce died Hubert did reunite with his friends but with Rose’s death and his disappointment in his son’s behavior he just gave up. He had no family in England and few in Jamaica and after pushing his friends away he was totally alone. He found solace in resurrecting Rose and creating a new group of friends. He did have his cat named Puss to give him the companionship he needed. I think it was the right choice for him at the time. Then enters Ashleigh which changed everything

One grieves in their own way. My husband died of a terminal illness in January. I welcome interaction with others. However, others may need solitude to grieve. I also attend a support group which aids my grief process. I think Hubert and Joyce were so close, that they really were "one." He turned from his other friends when he lost her. I don't think he really knew how to cope. Losing Rose made it even worse. Hhis anger at David cut him off even more. Very sad.

I agree with Marcia S that everyone grieves in their own way. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

People grieve in many different ways. There is no wrong or right way. I think the primary way we can help someone grieving is just to listen and be there for them.

I am sending love and positive thoughts to all those who responded with losses of their own. Life is tough and death is so hard to deal with. Hubert did need a time to mourn, it was almost like the weekly phone call from Rose had kept him going. Facing reality was like loosing her again. Ashleigh had wonderful instincts in sending Gus as often old friends know us best and are able to support us in times of trouble.

Grieving alone is probably very common. No one wants to burden another with his/her problems and quite often when a person starts to tell a 'story', the other person will interrupt with a story of their own. Maybe they think it is comforting...I say it's not.