Why do you think Eva kept her past from her son? Is there anyone who you feel knows the "real you"? Who do you think should know you, but really doesn’t?

Why do you think Eva kept her past from her son? Do you think she was embarrassed or still felt guilty about anything? Is there anyone who you feel knows the “real you”? Who do you think should know you, but really doesn’t? Why do you think this is?

Eva’s past was very painful to her. Her son’s character was shallow, self-centered & did not show empathy-was that part Eva’s fault? Had she told him of her history he might have matured differently. I understand why Eva protected herself - all she suffered made her strong but protective of reliving that horrible nightmare.
As for me: I’m pretty much an open book - my husband, kids, friends “know” me. Overall my life has been safe & secure-never had to face anything like Eva had to live through.

Eva had faced many horrors during the war. It was certainly less painful to be the caring wife and mother than to relive her past. I think she did feel some quilt, especially in regard to her parents' deaths and Remy. I didn't think much of her son, so I hope when he learns the truth, he will have new respect for his mother.

I know it would have been painful, but I think Eva should have told her son the truth about her past. It might have made him a better person.

Children are rarely interested in the history of their parents; but rather, they believe the parent should be totally vested in their life...hopes and accomplishments. If something didn't happen to bring about a recollection, there would be no need to share a story of the past.

Perhaps talking about losing her father, her struggles with her mother, their inability to return to their home, and the terrible dangers she had faced were all too painful to share. It would be a lot to tell someone about, causing a resurgence of the fears and sadness those memories would bring. Not telling her son may have been her way of protecting him from knowing how cruel people could be. How much easier it is to expect kindness and good from the people in our lives.

I think she kept her past a secret because of the horror, loss, sadness and struggle it had been. She made the decision to move on with her life. She may have not wanted all of it to define who she was. I have not had something that devastating happen to me and it is hard to know how I would have dealt with it. At certain times in life, maybe holding things in is the only way to survive and move forward. Having her tell Ben when she did in the story was a good choice for the author. It was, as Kuhn said when Eva was talking to him about never sharing any of her past with her son, "Then isn't it time you tell him? Maybe the first identity to recover should be your own." (when discussing all the identities in the Book of Lost Names)

Not talking about her experiences seems typical of that generation and the war. My parents, and the parents of many of my friends who went through World War II, did not talk about the war. I think many of them had terrible experiences and suffered from PTSD, which certainly wasn't treated or even recognized at the time. Talking about it was too painful.

I also think there is the feeling that parents want to try to spare their children pain, but don't realize that it really is important for children to know about their parents.

I understand Eva's choices of keeping her past secret. It was extraordinarily painful and she didn't want her son to relive it through her memories. Yes, I know I have kept secrets from people that are close. I don't want to discuss painful memories nor do I want to necessarily share them. I am guilty of glossing it over or forgetting about those painful times.

By not telling her son about her past, it let her avoid reliving the pain of not defending her father/his capture, disappointing her mother, the betrayal of Joseph and the loss of Remy. Not everyone feels the need to share a painful past.

After having lead some pretty painful times, disappointing her mother, the loss of her dear Remy and the betrayal of Joseph, she was ready for change moving to the United States brought. It was a different time, and new start. One doesn't to share all of their painful past, it only postpones your recovery

Everyone including your children doesn't need to know everything about you. Some things serve no purpose by telling others. However, this is a choice that each person has to make many times during their lives. There is no one in my life that knows every single thing about me, every secret, every desire, every everything. There are a few that know most things but there are a few things that I keep private and those things will always stay private.