I can see now, 30 years after the fact that my first love was not the healthiest of relationships. At the time, however, I believed I would never find a love like Eric or feel the way I felt about him with anyone else. We were together through most of my years in college. I struggled letting go of him because there really wasn't a huge fight or anything that truly signaled an end. We just sort of slowly moved away from one another. I think this was one of the reasons I struggled letting go- -there was no real closure for me. But I also realize that many of the feelings taking.mytime wrote about played a big part too- -those and my immaturity. More than fearing I would never find another love like him, I wondered why he didn't want me anymore- -what did I do wrong? I continued to think of him, and his family often (I absolutely loved his mom). I recently learned that Eric died two months after his fiftieth birthday two years ago now- -I actually had a recent telephone conversation with his mother expressing my disbelief, sadness, and sharing with her my memories of him and his family. Learning he had died affected me more that I expected it to.