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The Girl in His Shadow


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When two people experience the same event, how much of their understanding of it is based on their lived experiences, and how much on the event itself?

Created: 04/30/21

Replies: 17

Posted Apr. 30, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 2732

When two people experience the same event, how much of their understanding of it is based on their lived experiences, and how much on the event itself?

Daniel tells Nora, upon returning from the disastrous delivery of Emily's baby, "You wouldn't understand." Is he right? When two people experience the same event, how much of their understanding of it is based on their lived experiences, and how much on the event itself?


Posted Apr. 30, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
melissa c.

Join Date: 01/10/21

Posts: 62

RE: When two people experience the same ...

Such an interesting question to think about. It reminds me of the show The Affair -which was told from the different perspectives of the 2 main characters, one woman and one man. I do believe people can experience the same event in totally different ways based on their own lived experiences and/or experiences of others close to them and what they've been told. I think lived experiences contribute greatly to how one experiences events.


Posted Apr. 30, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
dianac

Join Date: 04/02/13

Posts: 66

RE: When two people experience the same ...

For me it would depend on what the experience was. So much of who we are and how we perceive the world and its experiences is derived from our upbringing and background. The rest of course is derived from what we have learned along the way.


Posted Apr. 30, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
PKH

Join Date: 01/29/21

Posts: 38

RE: When two people experience the same ...

I don't think two people would ever totally experience an event in the same way. Much of it depends on their own experiences and also what they were feeling at the time of the event.
This is what police detectives find all the time when questioning eye witnesses....one person saw a tall man, another saw a short man, one saw a blue car another saw a black car.


Posted May. 01, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Jessica F

Join Date: 05/23/20

Posts: 109

RE: When two people experience the same ...

PKH, I agree with you...no two people will remember the same event the same exact way it unfolded. I think this is fascinating! We have to put our own spin on the situation. Each part of the "event" gets broken down into who thinks what is more important. In conversations, I actually say, "How do you remember the time we...?" It's fun to hear the different perspectives.


Posted May. 01, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
carriem

Join Date: 10/19/20

Posts: 60

RE: When two people experience the same ...

No two people will remember an event the same way because of their previous experiences with similar events or if a new event their life background will an influence of how they see and feel an event plus share that event. All of these help determine your life’s path and perhaps those who you share these with life’s paths.


Posted May. 01, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
vivianh

Join Date: 11/14/11

Posts: 111

RE: When two people experience the same ...

Experiencing an event is truly personal and seen through the eyes, life experience, and preconceived notions of the witness. There is a reason that eye witness testimony in a civil or criminal trial is unreliable. Sometimes our eyes, ears, sense of smell, taste, touch and way of processing information is altered by perception, the passage of seconds, minutes, hours, days, months or years. It’s like those paintings where one person sees a balcony and another a series of sculptures.


Posted May. 02, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
katherinep

Join Date: 07/16/14

Posts: 313

RE: When two people experience the same ...

Dianac said precisely what I would have said


Posted May. 03, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
kate

Join Date: 01/22/11

Posts: 73

RE: When two people experience the same ...

I totally agree with Melissa C. Like she said, what people have experienced, but also what you have been told, or witnessed.


Posted May. 03, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
paulak

Join Date: 04/21/11

Posts: 209

RE: When two people experience the same ...

Agree with the consensus here - our reaction to events is based predominantly on our predispositions. I think the turmoil in the U.S. during 2020 is a great example. Many people reacted differently based upon their unique circumstances and perspectives.


Posted May. 05, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
jos

Join Date: 03/14/21

Posts: 24

RE: When two people experience the same ...

I was thinking the same as Paulak! And am in consensus with the rest as well. I just listened to an author who spoke about our different perceptions based on how grew up and how our life experiences change how we perceive things. It was very interesting. I would think Nora’s particular situation would have definitely influenced her perception in a much different way than Daniels.


Posted May. 05, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
deeh

Join Date: 03/03/12

Posts: 210

RE: When two people experience the same ...

Each person's perception of an event is colored by their previous experiences. My coworker and I once witnessed an attempted murder in our workplace and when questioned by the police gave different accounts of what happened. Both accounts were true, but colored by our personal view.


Posted May. 06, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Loveslife

Join Date: 08/01/15

Posts: 47

RE: When two people experience the same ...

I do believe depending on the experience how we perceive what was experienced usually has a greater resonance with us. Working as a teacher I am constantly reminded how what seems to be the same experience affects students in different ways-often based on their lives so far, trauma, learned behavior, belief system, people in their lives-many things.


Posted May. 08, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
laurap

Join Date: 06/19/12

Posts: 333

RE: When two people experience the same ...

Agree with all of the above. Our experiences, predispositions, assumptions about the world, education, all affect how we view events -- and no two of us are identical on all of these dimensions. While our perception of any given event might sometimes be similar, it is unlikely to be identical. The references above to eyewitness testimony provide a case in point.


Posted May. 08, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
kdowney25

Join Date: 01/25/16

Posts: 141

RE: When two people experience the same ...

We each view the world and events through our own frame of reference, unique to us. Events are interpreted through our own set of experiences and filters. I think that people who tend to agree about an interpretation of a specific event would likely have had prior similar experiences and belief systems.


Posted May. 09, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
ankev

Join Date: 03/07/21

Posts: 11

RE: When two people experience the same ...

it would depend on what the event was, and which can be definitively influenced their previous experiences with similar events or their life backgrounds


Posted May. 11, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
beckys

Join Date: 08/12/16

Posts: 125

RE: When two people experience the same ...

All you have to do is listen to a family story that has been passed down through generations by different people to see that every story has several different perceptions. I think it definitely stems from peoples experiences and history to determine their take on life events.


Posted Jun. 14, 2021 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
bill

Join Date: 05/25/17

Posts: 23

RE: When two people experience the same ...

I think that Daniel's comment was more of a put-down of what he did not think Nora knew at that time.


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