"It is not death that the very old tell me they fear. It is what happens short of death," In what ways do you relate to that fear or not? What do you fear most about what happens short of death?

Dr. Gawande writes, "It is not death that the very old tell me they fear. It is what happens short of death," specifically the loss of physical function and cognitive capacity. In what ways do you relate to that fear or not? What do you fear most about what happens short of death?

I relate to that fear very much based on what my father experienced at the end of his life. I fear pain most.

I've often said that I don't fear death but, I fear how I might die. None of us want to suffer or have a horrible death. I guess I would want to be as pain-free as possible, yet be as alive and alert as possible.

This book really opened my eyes to the problem. I guess I fear loss- loss of mind foremost and sight and hearing. I think I can bear pain but Id like control of my senses.

I agree with Marcia - it's how I might die that scares me. I believe I should, in a perfect world, have some sort of control over that. (I know I have no control over what happens after that!)

I have to say that I just took my mother home from a rehab facility/ nursing home due to back surgery. I was very saddened at dinner by how many elderly women told me they were sick of going from rehab to nursing home to hospital. Every single one wanted to die. How sad.

Yes, I don't fear death so much as the loss of my mental and physical health - the idea of being in a nursing home really scares me.

Dr. Gawande made me realize how much we CAN do to make the final third of our lives more vibrant, and we can start wherever we are right now. As others have said, I fear losing my memory and my ability to care for myself. Having been a migraine sufferer since I was 10, I've experienced frequent pain. I fear that, too, but not as much as winding up in a home where my children are too far away to visit. Another fear is the cost of high-quality nursing care, whether in-home or in a live-in facility. Medicare and Medicaid will not cover that, and we Americans must educate ourselves about what our current healthcare system will not provide us as we age.

I fear losing my mind, as my mother, aunt and grandfather all suffered from dementia before they died. I hope that I can make sure that I am in a safe place if that happens to me.

Fear is the not being able to care for ones self and being dependent on others. Hope mine is quick.

I think marianned's concern about the cost of care as we age is a valid one, and one I don't think the author addresses as much as he may have. The people he spoke with largely had options. What do older people in poor health with no money do? I think their only option may be lower quality nursing home. That's one of the things I fear.

I don't think I'm that concerned about pain, because hospice seems to have gotten a good handle on pain management.

I do worry about physical failings - losing my mobility, eyesight... and especially my hearing! Funny, I think I'm in the minority when I say I'd rather lost my eyesight than my hearing.

I am a senior and now experiencing the loss of friends and family. I am shocked that many of these intelligent, well educated people seem not to have thought about their inevitable death and completed the legal forms that specify treatments wanted/not wanted, who would make decisions if they are unable to, etc. It is difficult to take these steps, but vital to do it beforehand, both for oneself and one's family.

I am just now going through helping my 94 year old father through is final stages. What I fear most is loss of my self, of my humanity and dignity. I am afraid of having a stroke and being aware of all that is around me by unable to communicate.

This statement rings so very true. Is that not why the state of Oregon has become so popular? It has laws in place to allow each person to make the ultimate final decision. New York has also considered a law to give us the power over our death. Has not the medical marijuana movement also perhaps presented the Baby Boomers with more alternatives?

I can relate to Marcia when she says: "I've often said that I don't fear death but, I fear how I might die. None of us want to suffer or have a horrible death. I guess I would want to be as pain-free as possible, yet be as alive and alert as possible." I would hope that I would still have the awareness to end my life at the right time.

I'm 80 years old, and death does not scare me. I've live a full life with both joys and sorrows, and at 80 years of age, no one depends on me, so I feel that I've "served my purpose" and any good time from here on out is dessert! Obviously I don't want to experience pain and ultimately death is a single experience, so I'd like to be allowed to chose when I'm ready to make that final trip.