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Sorrow


A poignant story about friendship and love, art and music, and how these ...
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Why do you think Joe feels Bob was a bad father? Do you think his opinion is justified, given his upbringing? Do you agree with him in general?

Created: 12/01/20

Replies: 12

Posted Dec. 01, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 2619

Why do you think Joe feels Bob was a bad father? Do you think his opinion is justified, given his upbringing? Do you agree with him in general?

Why do you think Joe feels Bob was a bad father? He says with regard to parents that "You only hate them because you love them and you want them to love you back." Do you think his opinion is justified, given his upbringing? Do you agree with him in general?


Posted Dec. 05, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
momo

Join Date: 04/03/19

Posts: 49

RE: Why do you think Joe feels Bob was a bad father? Do you think his opinion is justified, given his upbringing? Do you agree with him in general?

Bob not only didn't believe in Joe, he belittled him, and his passion for music. Even when Joe tried to do what Bob wanted by working at the family business Joe could do no right. I agree with Joe, Bob was a bad father.


Posted Dec. 05, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
kimk

Join Date: 10/16/10

Posts: 504

RE: Why do you think Joe feels Bob was a bad father? Do you think his opinion is justified, given his upbringing? Do you agree with him in general?

It's hard to know what to think of Bob's parenting since we only have Joe's perception of it. If we heard Bob's point-of-view, it might have been that he was only concerned about his son's ability to make his way in the world. Music, after all, is a very risky career to pursue. I can't imagine there are many that are able to make a living off music alone.


Posted Dec. 05, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
sallyh

Join Date: 09/07/12

Posts: 112

RE: Why do you think Joe feels Bob was a bad father? Do you think his opinion is justified, given his upbringing? Do you agree with him in general?

I don't think Joe respected his father's values, or lack of same: his attitude that a ready-made lucrative career was superior to following one's dreams and passions; his attitude that Joe and his mother observing the anniversary of Sam's death was sappy and stupid; his insensitivity in disposing all of Sam's belonging's a month after his death; his building homes of shoddy quality while cheating his customers; etc.


Posted Dec. 07, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
maryjaneb

Join Date: 01/09/16

Posts: 16

RE: Why do you think Joe feels Bob was a bad father? Do you think his opinion is justified, given his upbringing? Do you agree with him in general?

Bob had no interest in his son. He was self centered and emotionally not able to relate to others. I feel Joe was lucky to realize this lack in his fact early in his life. Otherwise he would have wasted a great deal of time trying to get Bob to recognize and appreciate himself.


Posted Dec. 09, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Tonijb

Join Date: 01/05/20

Posts: 5

RE: Why do you think Joe feels Bob was a bad father? Do you think his opinion is justified, given his upbringing? Do you agree with him in general?

He might not have been the best father- we were told or shown many of his shortcomings in that role.However, there are a few points to ponder on this question: 1 we are really only getting Joe's perspective which is definitely not objective. 2 the episode of getting rid of his brother's things after only a month is a difficult to judge. No body knows until they have to face it, how they will react to loss of a child. Some hold on things forever, some build a shrine , and some take down their pictures because it hurts too much. So I wouldn't judge that issue as poor parenting 3 Joe did have some good memories of Bob. Bob gave him a love of the trees and of hiking . He will always have those memories.I am glad that Joe did not blame all of his issues on his father.
Although I do believe many of his issues were from the loss of his brother in such away in his youth. Losing a sibling whom you are close to you can change who you are or who you will be - whether temporarily or for long term It can make you shut down your emotions or cause you to be fearful to open yourself to new people or new emotions so I found Joe to be an extremely believable character.


Posted Dec. 11, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
peggyt

Join Date: 08/10/17

Posts: 188

RE: Why do you think Joe feels Bob was a bad father? Do you think his opinion is justified, given his upbringing? Do you agree with him in general?

As others have said, we only have Joe’s perspective but it does seem that mostly Bob only saw from his own point of view and was not sensitive to the needs or feelings of other, Joe, Cal or Ingrid. On the other hand, he did share his love of hiking, nature and the big trees with Joe. Those things were very important to Joe and provided solace to him during all his difficult times.


Posted Dec. 12, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Knitter

Join Date: 09/05/20

Posts: 4

RE: Why do you think Joe feels Bob was a bad father? Do you think his opinion is justified, given his upbringing? Do you agree with him in general?

I strongly believe that when you become a parent, most people do the best they can. In Joe’s case a tragedy skews the path his father takes, doing irreparable damage to their relationship. Certainly from Joe’s point of view his father wasn’t ever close to him. Joe’s brother seemed to fit their father’s mold, which made a strong base for their relationship. Joe cannot live up to his father’s expectations, and his father cannot live up to Joe’s. I think that no matter what his father did, Joe would think Bob was a bad father.


Posted Dec. 15, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
cynthiaw

Join Date: 04/26/19

Posts: 17

RE: Why do you think Joe feels Bob was a bad father? Do you think his opinion is justified, given his upbringing? Do you agree with him in general?

Joe feels that Bob is a bad father, because to a child, the truth is immaterial, perception is everything! In his late 30’s, Joe acknowledged that regardless of Bob’s emotional and physical distance, he (Joe) could now blame only himself for his current position in life. This is not to discount that often and especially after Sam died, Bob’s behavior and treatment of Joe was abominable.


Posted Dec. 15, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Jessica F

Join Date: 05/23/20

Posts: 86

RE: Why do you think Joe feels Bob was a bad father? Do you think his opinion is justified, given his upbringing? Do you agree with him in general?

Joe feels that Bob was a bad father because he didn't let him pursue a career solely based on music. Also, most teenagers think their parent(s) are bad ;)

In my opinion, Bob was the best father he could be. He lacked connection with Joe, but he did put the effort in...having him come to the boat house, allowing Cal to always hang out, attending the basketball game, teaching him about nature/hiking, etc. I think Ingrid would agree that Bob was a decent dad.

If Bob was still alive after Joe and October hooked up at the end, I think "the new Joe" would have worked on creating a new (more appreciative) relationship with Bob.


Posted Dec. 17, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Brittany P.

Join Date: 07/14/20

Posts: 15

RE: Why do you think Joe feels Bob was a bad father? Do you think his opinion is justified, given his upbringing? Do you agree with him in general?

I think that Joe’s father was also in pain after his sons death and showed it in a very different way. I think his pain meant moving on and not talking about Sam because it hurt to much. I think that hurt bled into his relationship with Joe and neither of them could communicate everything that was between them. I think it would be easier to blame Bob and just say he was a bad father, but the truth is he was only human and dealing with his own pain after an immense loss.


Posted Dec. 17, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
beckys

Join Date: 08/12/16

Posts: 103

RE: Why do you think Joe feels Bob was a bad father? Do you think his opinion is justified, given his upbringing? Do you agree with him in general?

To say that anyone is a bad parent seems so judgmental and harsh in my opinion. Parenting is the hardest job I have ever had, and while it is easy to see from Joes perspective why he might think his dad was not the best at parenting, it is hard for me to judge him in that light. We don't really know what kind of upbringing Bob might have had that made him seem so aloof and unable to connect with Joe. Also, the death of a child had to affect him in a very real way. It did seem like he had some personality flaws and was dishonest in his business. I felt sorry for Joe in that he was always trying to please his dad and was never really able to do so because they had so little in common. But I wouldn't say that Bob was a bad father...definitely flawed, but not bad.


Posted Dec. 18, 2020 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
marks

Join Date: 02/25/19

Posts: 52

RE: Why do you think Joe feels Bob was a bad father? Do you think his opinion is justified, given his upbringing? Do you agree with him in general?

As others have pointed out, this is a tough question to answer because we only hear about him from Joe's point of view. However, while Joe is obviously carrying baggage, it seems equally clear that Bob was carrying plenty of baggage himself. Having lost a brother myself, I cannot imagine my father or anyone in the family throwing out his stuff without at least running it by the rest of the family, especially so soon after Sam's death. While this may not make him a "bad father," it certainly paints a picture of a father who is far more concerned about his own feelings than those of his family.


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