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Evening in Paradise


"Berlin's new book is a marvel, filled with deeply touching stories about lives ...
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Discuss Evening in Paradise by Lucia Berlin:
"Noel, 1974": What kinds of expectations do we place on our children, fairly or unfairly? Are there lifestyle choices your children might make that you'd find difficult to accept?

Created: 11/04/19

Replies: 4

Posted Nov. 04, 2019 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
davinamw

Join Date: 10/15/10

Posts: 2032

"Noel, 1974": What kinds of expectations do we place on our children, fairly or unfairly? Are there lifestyle choices your children might make that you'd find difficult to accept?

In "Noel, 1974", Zelda is upset that her daughter has come out as gay. Maggie tells her, "Seems like I wouldn't care if any of my sons were gay. On the other hand, if one of them became a cop or a Hare Krishna I might blow my brains out." What kinds of expectations do we place on our children, fairly or unfairly? Are there lifestyle choices your children might make that you'd find difficult to accept?


Posted Dec. 02, 2019 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
Lole

Join Date: 11/30/19

Posts: 25

RE:

I try to remember that I have lived my life in a very different time than the one my adult children have experienced. What worked for my parents, since I was a pretty compliant 1950s teen, has been very different from the dynamic between me and my kids. As a result both of my kids made choices that shaped their lives and made me cringe. But I trained myself through the rough spots to work on my reaction to their decisions. They were aware of my values; they sometimes made choices that were in conflict with those values; the consequences of those choices were theirs to own. It fascinates me today to see how they have managed expectations with their own children who are 15-25.


Posted Dec. 09, 2019 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
MarieA

Join Date: 10/12/11

Posts: 224

RE: "Noel, 1974": What kinds of expectations do we place on our children, fairly or unfairly? Are there lifestyle choices your children might make that you'd find difficult to accept?

I have learned to be flexible. I might not like the choices, but I will always love my children.


Posted Dec. 09, 2019 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
xandrabk

Join Date: 04/16/19

Posts: 18

RE: "Noel, 1974": What kinds of expectations do we place on our children, fairly or unfairly? Are there lifestyle choices your children might make that you'd find difficult to accept?

I think I sometimes expect my sons to be angels even though I did not always display "angel-like" behavior when I was their ages. I've always thought that they shouldn't have to experience what I have experienced - simply listen to my advisement. I have found out that they have to go through their own experiences.

I do not think that there are any lifestyle choices that I would find difficult to accept. I may not prefer it for them but I have learned that they have to live their own lives and my responsibility is to love them regardless.


Posted Dec. 09, 2019 Go to Top | Go to bottom | link | alert
dorinned

Join Date: 10/13/14

Posts: 57

RE: "Noel, 1974": What kinds of expectations do we place on our children, fairly or unfairly? Are there lifestyle choices your children might make that you'd find difficult to accept?

We place heavy expectations on our children, and my husband and I found the lifestyle choices our son made to be exceedingly difficult to accept. Our son became an addict, and wasted twenty years of his young life not in control of himself and his destiny. One learns some valuable lessons when dealing with this type of situation - one being that we cannot live our children's lives for them. They have to make their own mistakes and learn from them and find their own paths through life.


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